[DocMia]

Brad isn't the first guy whom I wanted to really worship his penis with... but he is the first guy to actually like what I tell him and we started dating a while ago, but haven't done anything too deviant yet, and we are both divorcees from long marriages and grown children.

My question/ issue is this... I get overwhelmed with a feeling of making him feel like a king. I guess, we could go back to Roman times to think how a king and queen might be to each other sexually. First, I want to make sure I always wear a dress or skirt when I'm with him- so I can go with out underwear so he can have access at anytime he wants. I try to feel "in the mood" so, I won't deny him ever. He understands that I'm human and this is something I want to do for him, but the worship goes deeper. I want to share him with other woman.

At first, he didn't understand. He shared a fantasy with me and I loved it and took it to higher levels. The fantasy was being amongst his friends and kissing me, then fingering me and then having sex in front of them. This isn't likely to happen- but I thought how we could make his fantasies reality. With my deviance and his- I suggested that he have sex with a girl of his choice and record it for me. We agreed who she would be and that she would be OK with a recording. With everything in place- he did it. I panicked all night and waited to hear from him. He told me a little about it, but I could tell that he didn't feel that right. I asked him for the recording and he said he would let me see it, but it took him a long time to finally just send it to me. The fact is... I loved it. Really loved it. After I told him how I felt, he relaxed a lot. I now watch the video several times a week and tell him that his penis is worshiped. And this is a part of the worship. I go on with wanting to have threesomes with him. I feel I am very ready for this, but he is still hesitant, but willing. The other day, a girl was flirting with him in front of me, but she had no interest in me. I didn't feel jealous, instead, I told him after we left, that I was wishing he would let her kiss him. I was wanting him to even grab her behind while he looked at me. I wanted him to ask her to a threesome, just so he could tease me a bit. The way I was seeing it, she was into him and not me and that was an opportunity for us to have a threesome, but one where I would be watching more than participating- I like watching and think it's a tease (and his fantasy is to be watched)- and after all that work up, being with just him would be that much better. He is starting to see that I'm serious, and he is starting to want this too. (why wouldn't he?) But, I'm wondering is this normal. Can it work? And can this be a great sexual life? We practice safe sex and have a no harm and no recording without consent set of rules, along with destroying everything if we break up. So, anyone can help me? I'm wondering if I'm giving him too much here? I call him a king, and tell him he should be treated as such and even have a woman (even if its me) lick his privates while he has sex, etc. Will this just cause an over ripe ego? Do you think I will be treated badly for this later? And how does a woman who believes in gender equality go sort of opposite with sexual equality. (not that I don't like these things, I do- it's just that the world dictates something different and I start to question everything) I've even suggest to him that his kingship needs a harem. A set of girls who might want to join us on a semi-regular basis, and if he really needs to have another woman sexually without me, he should talk to me about it and only do it if she lets him record it- thus sharing it with me. Too much? Need advice, please?

[Fr_Chuck]

First your fantasy and his, are just yours. It does not matter, what I think, or anyone things. We all have various types of desires. I wonder, if he really wants to be watched, saying you do, is one thing, but he has chances, and does not seem to take them.

Anytime you bring a third or fourth or more partner into a relationship there is always an increase in possible problems in a relationship. But then others do fine with open relationships. We have many friends who have them.

The worship of him and penis, is perhaps a worry, putting a lot of sexual pressure on him, what if he could not perform tonight, (guess what it happens sometime)
And it opens you up to abuse, or him taking advantage. The worship is OK, in play, and pretend in the bedroom, or beach or where ever you have sex or play.

But in real life, there needs to be a even equal relationship

[tickle]

Making it too easy for him would perhaps make it tiresome, too much of a good thing is not always wise. I think you should just back off a bit; you are putting too much pressure on him to always perform the way a man should. Maybe he is thinking 'what if' he stops being able to perform. Especially with your suggestion of a harem.

[talaniman]

Seems to be a lot of your input and suggestions about his fantasies, which start with you. So only time will tell if this evolves or even lasts. So I can only conclude that you are living YOUR fantasy, and for now anyway, he goes along with YOUR program.

[DocMia]

It's hard to get everything out clearly in a few paragraphs. First, Thank you both for your answers. Both of you make very valid points.

However, performance isn't a huge problem. I have asked him about this concern several times (in non ego-bursting ways), he's a very sexual person and tells me that he is more concerned with me feeling hurt when/if we actually do anything more. Although, I will keep this in mind more- since you both seems to think it may be an issue. I'm not without experience in a man not being able to perform, I had a past relationship for several years, and one that we remained very good friends. The reason that man and I broke up, actually stems from my job - I travel a lot- and he was wanting someone with him all the time. With this past boyfriend, I mentioned a few of these things a bit into the relationship, and it was an obvious stress- so I dismissed my suggestions as fantasy- and we were happy for several years. In fact, I often pleased him orally- going weeks without sex- because, he never felt pressure to perform with oral- it was sit back and enjoy for him. And I happily helped him like this for years. The reasons I am explaining my past relationship is for you both to understand that Brad doesn't exactly fit in this category. I say exactly, because, he may have a day or two like a normal man (hasn't happened at all yet). But again, no two men will handle such pressure the same- I will definitely make sure I'm not pressuring him to perform. I do tell him that He should choose when he wants another- he is actually really loving this idea.

Secondly, I didn't express it well in my first post. His fantasy is not a one time share. He expresses often how he wants to be watched and has had some experience with this in his marriage. He even "accidentally" played a recording of his wife and him during a party at his house- she was in on it- and it came on screen for only a few seconds, when he pretended he was embarrassed and quickly shut it off- it was a few close adult friends. He said everyone had a good laugh, and he was very aroused for several days after the showing. His wife, however, was OK but not completely comfortable with it and they never did it again. He also expressed that he felt a little morally wrong for getting his kicks that way. Which is why we constantly go over guidelines in morality. (and because, I agree, that someone may not want to be exposed to your sex life too)

His problems really do seem to stem from being afraid I will get hurt. Something, that he is now getting over-- and we are really talking about doing the things from our fantasies. That's the reason, I felt compelled to write about this... I feel ready, but wonder how much success will really have? What makes this work for some and not others?

*Tickle- you definitely read my mind when you said, "making it too easy for him would perhaps make it tiresome." I'm afraid that I may get burned out, if we go into fantasy overload. (I suggested, that we have "holidays," special days every few months to have penis worship time and threesomes, etc.) I'm thinking that this may prevent burnout?

Also Fr_Chuck, I do worry about abuse and taking advantage, although he just doesn't seem to be the type to do either- I just wonder if it will indeed happen just because of the nature of our sex lives. Equality in our lives is very present at the moment. He is a doctor and I am studying to become a doctor (later in life- but still working it- woohoo!). The respect he has for me is unbelievable. He has never asked me not to travel, gives me time for my studies- even if it is just being quiet for several hours at a time- peeking in to offer help. In this department, he is just wonderful...

I guess, it would be best to ask, "Do these fantasies make him feel to important? And thus, will it turn out bad for me- both of us?" I know it's hard to answer from a few lines without even knowing us, but when it works, what makes it work? When it doesn't- what makes it fail?

[DocMia]

Thanks for your answer, Talaniman. My second post is a little more clear about his "being watched fantasies." My suggestions/ fantasies to him do stem a lot from what he likes, thus I'm trying to please us both. There is much "truth" in only time will tell. Thanks for your post.

[Fr_Chuck]

I think, if both couple want them and enjoy them, fantasies are great. And yours are by far, the wildest by any means. Watching or being watches is often a common one. ( often merely video taping, makes them happen and then watching) or finding a close friend who may share part of it,

My wife and I have ours, if it makes you happy, if you set rules, and agree it can end, anytime either feels wrong. Go for it.

[talaniman]

Two consenting adults (or 3-4?? ) can do as they wish. There is always a chance for conflict, drama, and disagreements, but these are but the obstacles of real life we all face, and can be dealt with an overcome if the partners are willing to keep working on it through honest communications and deep commitment to do so.

In short, relationships work until one or both partners is no longer willing to make it work. Any relationship will send you through changes over time. Adjusting and overcoming is the difference between thriving and surviving together, or apart if you cannot. Both a challenge and a risk, but with high reward if you can.

There are never any guarantees. Enjoy while it's good.

[Catsmine]

and we are really talking about doing the things from our fantasies.

Of the several paragraphs you wrote, this is the answer to your question about "what makes it work?"

You seem a little concerned about acting out your fantasies to excess. Are you sure you're worried about him getting burned out, or you? As a lifelong kinkster, I can only caution you to be very sure of your relationship before proceeding. If you are, enjoy the he!! out of it.

[DocMia]

Thank you! Both of you gave me clarity into what I was thinking- but just needed to talk to someone about this... I tried on another board, and the question was banned. Not sure why? But, it left me with more doubts. This has been helpful. It's just not something you can talk about to people without knowledge or experience in fantasies. Thank you! And do either of you mind, if I copy and paste your answers in my personal journal- just something to reference if I come to questioning my fantasies again?

Can't thank you enough!

[DocMia]

Of the several paragraphs you wrote, this is the answer to your question about "what makes it work?"

You seem a little concerned about acting out your fantasies to excess. Are you sure you're worried about him getting burned out, or you? As a lifelong kinkster, I can only caution you to be very sure of your relationship before proceeding. If you are, enjoy the he!! out of it.

You're right, I'm concerned about my burn out... also, love this guy to death. Think I will just enjoy the he!! out of it :)... Thank you!

[Enigma1999]

And hey, sharing is caring! ;-)