[Hisdaughter]

I met a Christian woman in the neighborhood who was a writer and so was I. We quickly became friends and so did our husbands. She would complain to me about various people in a writer's group we attended and what they said to her. She attacked me on two occasions after that about how I responded to her suggestions and commitments. She is dominant and tries to get me to do everything her way or feels I am not a committed Christian. She started a small group through her church and made it about writing. I have been attending that group.

The other day, I called her because I was upset about an argument with my husband and wanted some emotional support and a ride somewhere. She did not even return my phone call or acknowlege my need. I called because I thought she was my friend as she bragged to everyone that we were and it was a divine appointment. When I politely asked her about it the next day, she said God told her not to get involved, but I asked her why couldn't she have called and it kind of hurt me that she didn't give me any support when she was my friend. She exploded at her house (with both of our husband's there) and yelled and screamed at me about how she is not at my beckon call and how I said she wasn't there for me and went on for a few minutes and stormed into the house leaving me there embarrassed in front of the neighborhood and in shock.

I don't believe I did anything wrong, but I still went home and took a few breaths, prayed and sent her an email that I was sorry that I upset her, and explained that was't my intention. She responded with saying that her devotional verse today was from a Proverb that basically said I should keep my mouth shut. She turned it around and made it about what I did to her. I didn't do anything but I still humbled myself, and for the last week have attempted to talk to her and make peace but she denies having any unforgiveness or pride and won't make up. I attend a small group that she is a leader of through her church about Christian writing and it is in her home. She got offended because I sent her an email and said that we should both humble ourselves, forgive one another, dismiss our pride and not let satan bring strife and division into our relationship. She replied with saying she already forgave me for upsetting her and did not hold anything against me (but she did not apologize herself or make any effort to reconcile-prideful). When I again sent her an email about that, she didn't reply but she called me. I called her back and said let's make peace. She floored me with her response. She said God told her that we should step away from each other and stay away from each other for a while. I told her God encourages us to make peace and reconcile and I don't believe He would tell her that. And she repeated that is what God laid on her heart. I said well how is that going to work when I am in your group and she said that I wasn't going to come to the group. I told her that was not right and that I signed up for it and I should be able to come (its midway in the group and I have already been attending for a few weeks-over in April). She said I couldn't come and I WASN'T WELCOME IN HER HOME. Does this sound like something God will tell my Sister in Christ?

I am very hurt and I know she will tell everyone in the group a lie that I dropped out or something. Should I tell them the truth or just walk away and forget her. I have never had another Christian treat me like that. I don't know what to think and am second guessing myself if I did something wrong. Even if I did, I tried to reconcile with her and work things out-she rejected me and justified it by say God told her to and that the Bible said Jesus got angry when He was persecuted so she is justified in treating me this way and ousting me out of the group and telling me I'm not welcome in her home.

That is so rude and hurtful especially when I didn't do anything but reach out to her for help and ask her why she didn't acknowledge my call. (She wrote a book about her torrid past and how she tried to commit suicide three or four times and how God rescued her). I'm a very nice person and I get this sometimes from worldly people simply because they take my kindness as weakness and an open door to mistreat me but never from a person who is supposed to be my friend and is a Christian. Please help - I don't know what to do with this rejection, pain and offense. I'm very sad. Thanks.

[Fr_Chuck]

You have not gotten out much and have not known many people, if you have not been mistreated by many Christians at this point, or others of any religious group.

Being a Christian does not give her special super powers to always be nice. It does not mean she will not have a self interest or if she will not be hateful, or if she will not gosip. Being a Christian, ( assuming she really is, not just a church member) does not make her anything expect forgiven by God.

Now it is the time for you to show your virture and if you are truly a Christian or not. If you drop out of a group of writers, you enjoy because of her, then it shows your weakness to run from a problem when God perhaps is testing you. If you let another person bother or cause issues with your faith, it merely shows a weakness in your faith, nothing about the other person.

You do not, and may never know the other persons story, some people are never real friends, others only friends when there is no need. Some will have their own problems, you have no idea why, perhaps she had issues with another family listening to or giving advice about marriage issues.

So what do you do, nothing, you change nothing, you go to your group, get the support of others for your writing, enjoy your church. Say nothing unless asked, if asked, you may say the truth.

[smearcase]

She sounds like a classic bully. You can back away or stand your ground. Maybe you said and I didn't catch it- are the meetings always at her house? If so, and she told you that you can't come to her house you can't go to her house as you are setting up another very public confrontation which she will win.
Do you have a church? Start a group there.
The right thing to do for a Christian when finding that they are in a church or group that does not act in a Christian manner, is to leave that group or church. Turning the other cheek with a bully just gets you another slap. My sister left her church after about 60 years as a member there after she saw the pastor and governing boards acting in an unChristian manner, and after about a year of trying to get other members to take some action. She is very happy in her new church and involved in the many activities there, similar to her deep involvement in the original church. Not all battles can be won.

[dwashbur]

I'm not a professional by any means, but it sounds to me as though your friend might have some mental problems.

[Fr_Chuck]

I may disagree with smear case somewhat, you do not leave a group because of the actions of one or a few. If you did, there would be NO christian group to belong in, since at some point and time, all of them will have some actions less than Christian.
Even Christ warns us that there are non christians mixed in with the Christians in the churches,

[talaniman]

So why expect perfect behavior just because she is a Christian? She is a flawed human and as such has nothing to do with you being a flawed human. When someone tells me I am not welcome in their house, rest assured I stay away, and find better ways to spend my time on earth.

Trust me in time others will see what an idiot she is without your help. So be grateful, and enjoy the blessings that your God has given you and don't sweat the small stuff, or make it bigger than what it is. Take comfort you did the right thing and move beyond this person.

I am sure there are better writing groups to be with good people in them. Seek and ye shall find, and you don't have to be stuck because she is. It really doesn't matter what she says or does, you have NO control of that, but you do have control over what you do about it. Walk away and find better.

[classyT]

Sometimes we have a higher expectation of people who call themselves Christians. I'm sure you feel hurt but you need to learn from this and move on. The woman sounds unstable. The bible says to Lay hands suddenly on no man. In other words, don't be so eager to get in a relationship with someone just because they are a Christian. Sorry you are hurt, but trust me.. if YOU are having this problem with her, so is someone else. She sounds screwy.

[graceyj20]

Quite an unusual situation, it makes be think of these two scriptures:Matthew 18:21,22 (ASV)21 Then came Peter and said to him, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven.Acts 15:39, 40 (NWT)At this there was a sharp burst of anger, so that they separated from each other; and Bar′na·bas took Mark along and sailed away to Cy′prus. 40 Paul selected Silas and departed after he had been entrusted by the brothers to the undeserved kindness of Jehovah.The acts passage refers to a heated disagreement between Paul & Barnabas. Both faithful men of god with excellent personal qualities and reputations. For whatever reason they couldn't come to an agreement and let things become heated between them... it happens. After they parted ways Paul later made favorable mention of Barnabas in two scriptures 1Co 9:6; Col 4:10 so clearly they forgave each other and did not hold a grudge. That said there is no mention of them working in close association after that point. Some personalities just don't work well together and it's best to give some distance.

[Hisdaughter]

Thanks to everyone for your helpful feedback. I was told I was not welcome to her home and I could not attend the group. Then the same day, my husband and I were out to get a pizza and lo and behold, her and her husband happened to be there. She came running out and said the Holy Spirit told her to apologize and that I was welcomed to her group because SHE feels I need to be there. Also, she said anything outside of that, maybe we can get together to walk in the neighborhood but only if I only say positive things. Another words, we can be friends as long as I follow her terms. I think she is a classic bully. I didn't decide to drop out of the group, she told me I couldn't come - now I can. I just tried to reconcile and do the Christian thing and make peace. I know most people would just forget it and walk away. I don't give up easily and I really was trying to follow Jesus' example. Just didn't know what to make of it. But most people do say that she is unstable and forget about her. There are other writing groups - so I'm grateful too for talaniman's comment - to find another group and move on. Thanks for all the comments-I needed some feedback and enjoyed your support. God bless you.