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TINA_15 · Mar 3, 2014, 03:00 PM

I have a newborn girl, now her father is fighting for joint custody. I wanted to know if he is able to take her over night for a couple days. We are not married, we are young, he lives with his mother I also live my mother. We have no problem with him visiting his daughter at my moms home. He's being immature because we are no longer a couple, so out of spite he did this. We met last year four months into the relationship, we got pregnant. So I don't know who he really is or his family, because into my early pregnancy he's only come around maybe once a month until I had her.

stinawords · Mar 3, 2014, 03:28 PM

First things first we need to know your general locale. This is because different areas have different laws. A lot of states have more restricted visitation for infants, defined as under 12 months of age.

Also, I wouldn't be too quick to say he is wanting to be a part of the child's life out of spite. It takes two to make a baby therefore she is half yours and half his. Something to keep in mind as she gets older.

Next there are two different types of custody. Legal custody is more to do with medical decisions, schools attended, and so forth. Physical custody is where the child lives most of the time. I would expect the father to get joint legal custody. At this point I don't believe he will get joint physical custody but will get visitation. After she turns one visitation opens up a lot more (for those states that have more restricted visitation before 12months). Then I would fully expect overnight visits.

Also something to keep in mind is that you said "we have no problem with him visiting his daughter at my mom's home"... the child is half yours and half his (like I said earlier) not half your mother's. The fact that you don't know his family well doesn't really matter. You knew him enough to have sex with him or at least believed you did. That is what matters. Be glad he wants to be a parent!

TINA_15 · Mar 3, 2014, 03:33 PM

I live in New Jersey

ScottGem · Mar 3, 2014, 04:43 PM

NJ law favors both parents being involved with their children. But you NEED to go to court to establish visitation. Legal custody needs to be established, unless you both signed an Acknowledgement of Paternity. Even so you should go to court on this. You should let a court set custody, visitation and child support.

I don't see anything in NJ law that restrict overnight visitation for an infant. However, if you are breast feeding, its unlikely a court will grant overnights.

As for not knowing his family, that's easily solved. Arrange for both families to go to dinner or meet at each other's homes. The families share this child and it would be best to be friendly about it.

You say you are young, how young?

tickle · Mar 3, 2014, 04:43 PM

No, he can't take a newborn away from the mother just yet; you already stated you know nothing about this man or his family. Are you breastfeeding ?

stinawords · Mar 3, 2014, 05:52 PM

I have looked at many reliable sites on NJ law and can't find anything making infant visitation more restricted than an older child. I am not really surprised, not all states have more restricted visitation just because of the child's age.

If you are breastfeeding is is less likely that he will get overnights for a few months. However, there are several types of pumps that can be used to supply the father with the needed milk. If you are not then there really isn't a difference in you making a bottle or him making a bottle.

And as Scott suggested get to know his family! That isn't hard to do. Just start getting together both at your house and theirs. They are going to be part of your life for a very long time. It can be a much more enjoyable time both for you and your child (children in the future) if you make the effort now.

tickle · Mar 3, 2014, 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

You say you are young, how young?

Probsbly the number attached to her name 'Tina'

TINA_15 · Mar 3, 2014, 07:25 PM

Im 19 and he's 21

ScottGem · Mar 3, 2014, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by TINA_15

Im 19 and he's 21

Ok so you aren't children. That's good. But you have to face up to your decisions. The two of you decided to engage in sex. Now you are facing the consequences of that decision. For the sake of your daughter, you need to be at least cordial with the paternal side of your daughter's family.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 3, 2014, 11:16 PM

It is very posssible he will get weekend visitation, at least every other week, and maybe a evening a week.

Fathers have rights to visit, he may even get some joint custody, but it can be delayed sometimes for a year or so, if you are breast feeding

Sorry if you know nothing of him or family, but he still has rights, the time to know them is before sex,not after.

At the hearing, you can provide evidence why he should not get visits or get joint custody. NJ is fair and equal in custody so he has a good chance to receive it. It is also his child, and you need to remember that.