[habs]

I dated someone for about two years. In April of 2013 she decided she needed time to herself and I had no choice but to accept. The reason for breaking during that time was because we were always fighting about having kids. I always kept telling her that we needed more time to get to know each other before we do. I met her in February of 2012. So as you can see we needed more time to get to know each other. But the situation was a lot more complicated than it seems. She had lost her Mom at the age of 3years old in a very tragic way. She had also lost her Grandmother at the age of 15years old and also later in her life she lost her Grandfather at the age of 30. Not to mention that her brother had moved away to live in another city. So yes she had a very hard and lonely life.

In the first 4month she wanted to get pregnant and I told that it was to early in our relationship and was just not the right time. She was 41 at the time I met her. Her biological clock was ticking. She was afraid of her menopause to start any time. At one point she finally understood to take more time before trying. The other problem with her was that she was not a kind of person to take initiative. She would never say I Love you first or I miss you first. It was always me doing all the romantic part of the relationship. At times I felt that I am the only one doing everything. It was not a very mutual relationship.

She would say that she never had any money and because of that I was always putting money in anything we would do together. I would always tell her that it was not about the money but the thought that counts. It never seem to sink into her head. It came to a point that I felt she was only there for the baby. On top of all that she was not very affectionate. So to conclude this relationship we ended up getting back together again in August after visiting breaking up in April. In August we visited and introduced my parents to her. There is something I forgot to mention. As of April 2013 to October 2013 we were trying for a baby but at the end of that month(Oct) I told her that I want to stop trying because her behavior and her way of thinking and her hard headed attitude was the same. So basically I did not feel very secure with this woman.

Finally in November 2013 she decided that she wants to be alone because she decided that she would begin artificial insemination process. So it's been since about end of November that were not together after getting back together in August 2013. So now since November I once in a while hear from her and see her, but recently we were in contact. In end of January I told her I wanted to know what was going on between me and her because we only saw each other once in awhile and that I was getting tired of all this. I felt like a carpet not knowing what would be the outcome of us. So she said to look for someone else and when she mention this I hang up on her. She called back because she was disappointed as to why I hang up so we settle it and everything was OK. She even mention that she would want to come over. One week went by without hearing from her and when she finally responded my text she said that she has decide that she wants to be alone because she is going through a lot with her artificial insemination.

She is now 43 years old. She also mention that her brother is helping her out in all this. The day she mention she wants to be alone she also said to look for someone else. I mention to her that deep down I still want to have kids with her. I guess I kind of left a door open because she ended up texting me a few days later just when I thought she would never call again. I invited her over for Superbowl but said she see how she feels after she finishes work and that she would go home first for a nap and then she would come over but that night I never heard from her. Then I invited her to a restaurant for her birthday but said that her brother had plans for her. I reply that OK and wished her a happy birthday and ever since that day I haven't heard from her for about two weeks. I just feel that closure hasn't been done yet.

[Jake2008]

What makes you think she will be a different person than the one you've described, if you had a baby with her?

What do you think a baby is- a bargaining tool? An incentive to keep the relationship going? Some sort of beat the clock game?

The relationship you had/have with her, is shaky at best. A solid commitment from both of you, toward common goals that would eventually see a marriage and family, is about the farthest thing from the truth as you tell it.

Why would you settle for doing everything backwards.

First the baby, then the relationship, then maybe marriage, then a sold commitment?

At 40 something years old, if her time has gone for having a child, it's gone. If she should get pregnant by artificial insemination, that does not change anything as far as your relationship goes. The two of you can't make a solid go of it, do you really think that you and her, AND a baby is going to work out?

You started sounding so reasonable, with insisting with your girlfriend that you needed more time to establish a future and relationship together.

Then you end off doubting what you said, and what you have been doing is hanging on and hanging on.

I don't know what to tell you except give your head a shake, end the relationship once and for all, and move on.

[Homegirl 50]

She does not sound like a very pleasant person but she did leave you. You are the one who keeps opening the wound, opening a door hoping she will walk in and of she does she will still be the same person. I think for her there is closer. She is seeking to have a baby on her own. You are the one who needs to realize there is no relationship to have.
Leave this alone.

[Wondergirl]

For me, her decision to have artificial insemination would be the closure. Do yourself a favor -- as Homegirl said, stop reopening the wound and please move on.

[joypulv]

It sounds like she really did put having a child first, and she had a tough time with 'getting to know each other' better after more than a year (Feb '12 to Apr '13).

I'm having a tough time sorting out some of this. You say you were trying to conceive from Apr '13 to Oct '13, but then you say that you got back together in August '13 after breaking up in April '13. You even introduced her to your parents, yet only lasted another two months.

I'm also having a tough time with your feelings about her. You seem to feel a need to explain losses in her life sympathetically, yet you seem particularly without understanding of her biological clock ("At one point she finally understood to take more time before trying"). And if she is so unaffectionate and loving, which you've known about since day one and describe in a lot of detail, why didn't you end it much earlier?

In short, I think she was driven by need instead of love - and you strung her along. I'm not condemning either one of you, but c'est la vie. Artificial insemination isn't usually very easy at her age. She can be still menstruating and not be very fertile at all.

(I wish more people would adopt, but that's just my two cents.)

[talaniman]

Unfortunately your need for closure keeps you blind to the fact she doesn't want you, just a baby. You have plenty of good reason to leave her alone and keep her out of your life. The two main reasons are keeping your dignity and self respect.

That's the sugarcoated version.