[smirabilia]

I have an affair with a coworker who has a girlfriend of one year, and I want to end it. How do I successfully do it when I see him everyday and we have the same group of friends?

It started one year ago when we were both single. He tried to court me, but he was not my type (we don't share common interests, not same sense of humor, etc.. ). Soon after rejecting him, he got in a relationship with another coworker (in another department, with whom we closely interface daily).

Since we have the same group of friends, we always go out together. It didn't help that our friends still tease us. His girlfriend, on the other hand, does not go out with us or any of his friends (he often has to lie to his girlfriend to go out with other people).


After several months I started to appreciate him more (very respectful, great around kids, driven, caring, etc.). From time to time our friends would tell me that he still loves me, and in more than one occasion he tried to have a 'closer' relationship with me. I also enjoyed his attention because I did not really like his girlfriend (she's hard to deal with at work). However, I resolved not to get involved with him until he's free. And I did not need that kind of drama in the workplace.


Then last month, I learned that he was going abroad for 3 months for work related matters. Somehow I felt bad because I would miss him. 'it just happened.' he visits me regularly and my sisters think he's my boyfriend (eventhough I say it's not official). We make out (but don't have sex), and talk about anything under the sun, that kind of stuff (we don't go out in public in case anyone sees us). He told me to give him time to break it of with his girlfriend, which is before he leaves the country.


I want to end this, before I hate myself much more than I do right now. I want to sure that this stays a secret (specially from our friends). I hate having to lie to my friends. Still I have to see him at work, then after work because we have common friends.

[Oliver2011]

Well you had to know this ending was a possibility when you start this whole thing right? First you need to count your lucky stars you aren't involved any further with someone who cheats. Cheaters cheat, that's why we call them that. Workplace romances are fine and dandy until the breakup. Then they are really awkward. So you are just going to have to deal with it. You said it yourself that you two are not that compatible. Put on James Taylor's Her Town Too and listen to it over and over. It's one of my favorite JT songs.

[talaniman]

You breakup and act like nothing never happened. Don't repeat your mistakes.

[smoothy]

Didn't you ask this same question under a different username just a week or so ago? Because there was another with almost the same details then.

[Jake2008]

It is never a good idea to create drama, especially in the workplace, which is what you say you want to avoid, but you have already created yourself.

It is unlikely that this is a secret at all.

I am able to say I've never had a girlfriend (I'm female) who would ever have cheated with any boyfriend I've never had. That you've done that, even to a co-worker, doesn't make you a very nice person in my book.

As to any future relationship with him (assuming he doesn't already have another woman or two on the side, in addition to you), you would be wise to leave him completely alone, until he is, in fact, single. That means not involved with any other person.

Maybe try improving your own personal standards a bit, by resolving not to be involved with a man, who is already involved with someone else. When and if he is single, that would be an entirely different situation.

Regardless of how you paint your relationship (only kissing, not sex), doesn't forgive the fact, that you actually had an inappropriate relationship with him, that incidentally carried on into the workplace. He is cheating on his significant other, with you, and you are a willing participant, and for some reason, have standards so low that you'd be involved with an otherwise involved man in the first place.