[meganschlappi88]

My fiancé tells me that I satisfy him sexually, but I have found folders fulls of porn videos on his computer. When I asked him about watching it he just lied to me. Can someone please tell me why?

[talaniman]

Why he watches porn? Because he wants to. Why he lied, because he doesn't want this blown out of the water by you, and people lie when they get caught doing something they think will not be well received.

How did you approach your discovery, and is it something you have discussed before? Have you ever shared your feelings about porn with him?

Porn is seldom about sex but a private temporary thrill.

[Cat1864]

This may be harsh to hear, but he should have told you that his viewing porn is none of your business. He should not have lied.

I don't know how you found his stash, but if it was through searching or snooping, then you need to look at why you were looking. Do you trust him? If so, then leave his personal files and time alone. If you don't, then why don't you? Has he given you any reason to doubt him (porn viewing doesn't count, nor does lying about looking at it)?

Now, about the porn. It has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you and your sex life. Sometimes a person wants a quick release without having to be concerned with his/her partner's needs. It is about a need getting met without using another person as an object.

Some people do not like talking about their porn and masturbation habits. It is extremely personal to them or they have been taught to hide it. Depending on how you asked, he may have felt you were upset/displeased and was trying to keep peace.

If you are unsatisfied with your sex life, then that is a subject you should discuss with him. If there have been major changes or you feel you want more (not because of what you think he wants, but because or your own needs), then talk to him. Communicate about what might be affecting the relationship such as stress, exhaustion, health issues, etc. Work together.

[smearcase]

I agree wholeheartedly with the first two responses. If this is only complaint you have against your future spouse, it should not be grounds for ruining the relationship in and of itself. If, however it is a deal breaker for you, something you can't live with, then it is good that you found out now rather than later while you can still do something about it. If you object on religious or moral grounds, or any other reason actually, you have every right to do so, including moving on.

[smoothy]

He lied because he had the crazy idea you might get irrational about it.

He's an adult... and watching porn to a guys mind is very much like any number of Soap operas or chick flicks are to a woman's.

Word of warning... snooping around on his computer is no different than him going through your purse.. or cell phone or drawers when you are out of the room... I bet you would get upset if he did that to you.

That is the real Elephant in the room here... not an adult male looking at naked people.