[1RandomUser]

I was dating this amazing girl and everything seemed to be going fine. Out of nowhere she decided to end things with me. She said she can't balance a relationship because of grad school. I was fine with seeing her whenever she did have time, but she said it's not fair to me and while she'd be willing to continue something after she finishes school, it'll be a long time and she'd feel bad about keeping me waiting like that. She said she likes me and feels terrible about doing this because I've been amazing, but it's the best thing for her. I'm just so confused and heartbroken.

While I respect her decision, I wish so much that we could have tried to work something out because I really didn't mind giving her time and space if she was busy with school work. And she really was everything I've ever dreamed of. I've never felt this way about anyone else. She still wants to be friends, which I am okay with. I don't intend to wait for her, but I keep hoping that this isn't the end and that we will get back together after she's done with school because I simply cannot get over how amazing and different she really is.

I know it's going to take time to feel better, but this really broke my heart and I feel so sick right now.

[girl79]

You'll be OK.

I was where you are all last week and could well be back there tomorrow. But this too shall pass.

People here will tell you to just accept it, don't contact her, go out with friend and so on... It's so hard to do though. But they would be right. You can't change someone's mind. Maybe she will change it herself. Maybe she won't. All you can do is take good care of yourself.

[Oliver2011]

"but this really broke my heart and I feel so sick right now." You know you are supposed to feel like that after breaking up and that is okay. I would be more concerned if you had no feelings and this didn't effect you at all.

It sounds like you have done everything you can do to be with her. Unfortunately you need two willing people to have a relationship. So now you have to move on. Fill your time with activities and friends. The more you keep your mind active the more you will be able to move your life forward.

[talaniman]

The heart heals, if you let it, and getting busy building a life that you enjoy without her is the medicine that heals it. Takes time, and you have plenty.

Break ups suck for everyone all the time. We recover.

[1RandomUser]

Thank you all for your responses. I know it's going to take time, but this has been an incredibly difficult week for me and it's so hard to think about how much longer it's going to take.

I haven't initiated any contact with her, but she has messaged me and we've talked a little bit like we normally would. Even though I'm in so much pain right now, I don't think I can just cut her out of my life. She is still a really great person to me and I know I'd hate myself if I threw away a good friendship like that. On top of everything I've gone through my entire life and dealing with a horrible depression that I have never recovered from, this was the best thing that has happened to me in years and now it's just another terrible blow to me.

[talaniman]

Lets get honest here, talking to her is a torture that keeps you from getting through this very hard time. That's what you tell her. That's honest and is the truth. You aren't ready to be in a normal conversation with her, it keeps your wounds open. You need time to process your own feelings my friend, and it's tough no doubt, but unless you take that step, she will unintentionally keep that new fresh raw wound open, out of concern for you.

I think you also need to deal with your depression from the past by starting with a doctor visit, being honest with him, and seeing what can be done with his help and guidance. Sometimes we cannot do for ourselves or go through difficulty alone, and have to reach out for the right help. Coming here was a good first step, take another for yourself and see that doctor.

Its not about her any more, its about YOU, and how you deal with YOU!

[Oliver2011]

"now it's just another terrible blow to me."

Dude this is life for all of us, not just you. Talaniman said we all have been through breakups and we have all survived. That is a true statement.

Now you have a choice. You can sit in a dark room without contact with people, without any entertainment, and just think about how horrible life is and how much you miss this girl.

OR

You can do the opposite and feel better. Yes it takes time but if you start doing things now this time next week you will be feeling that much better. Go get some exercise, call a friend and go to a movie, anything to keep your mind active. Trust me it works.

Thank you all for your responses. I know it's going to take time, but this has been an incredibly difficult week for me and it's so hard to think about how much longer it's going to take.

I haven't initiated any contact with her, but she has messaged me and we've talked a little bit like we normally would. Even though I'm in so much pain right now, I don't think I can just cut her out of my life. She is still a really great person to me and I know I'd hate myself if I threw away a good friendship like that. On top of everything I've gone through my entire life and dealing with a horrible depression that I have never recovered from, this was the best thing that has happened to me in years and now it's just another terrible blow to me.

[1RandomUser]

talaniman, I understand what you are saying. I do want to be friends with her in the long run though because I still think she's a really great person and I've come across very few of those. As for my depression, over the years I've gone to many doctors, spent a lot of money, tried medication and all the suggestions people have given me. Nothing helps. To me it has all just simply been distractions and nothing more, and that at the end of the day I am still depressed. I have my better days and I've done the best I can to manage it but it does become very hard at very low points, like right now.

Oliver2011 I have definitely tried to reach out and keep myself busy these last few days. I wasn't able to for the first two days because I felt incredibly sick, but I've been talking to my two close friends, who happen to be the only people in my life right now. It helps pass the time a bit but it definitely doesn't change anything, at least not yet. Again I know it's going to take time. I still feel awful, and I feel awful knowing that I'll be feeling this way for a while longer.

[talaniman]

You may be a victim of bad timing, but for sure you have an the chance to be better in case you have a chance for a second look, or another opportunity for fun, and romance.

I can only suggest if your funk lasts to long seek help getting thru it. You have probably guessed while I am sympathetic to your situation, I am no fan of wallowing in self pity, isolation, or negativity. I know you are better than your past challenges, and you may be down now but you can get back up, without her. I will not lie to you, get back up soon, and be good to yourself. One small step at a time one day at a time.

Oliver says it best, wake up and decide you are going to have a good day. Make it so.

[amicon]

It's about you now,not her. We all get our hearts broken at some point in time and we all pick ourselves up and ''get our stuff together'',having worked through the bad stuff.
Being friends with someone who ''dumps'' us is not a great idea,so focus on you and things that make you feel better and in the long run great.

[Oliver2011]

"I feel awful knowing that I'll be feeling this way for a while longer" - so you are planning to feel bad? Why would you do that to yourself? You know just as you plan to feel bad you could very well plan to feel okay or even better than okay.

What I am saying is control what you can control. You can't control how she feels or what she is thinking. So let it go. You do control how you react to this and her and her rejection. You can allow it to keep you in the depths of despair or you can choose something different.

I had a really crappy childhood. It stunk and there were a lot of things for me to feel bad about. It led to depression and a melt down. Then at one point I just stopped it all and decided that being depressed was no longer going to be the path for me. I decided that every morning when I woke up I would tell myself to make it a great day. That was years ago and now I am annoyingly positive.

You don't have to take it to that extreme but man when you have the choice of having a really good day or having a really bad day, why wouldn't you choose good day every single day. It does work.

I do wish you the best.

Oliver2011 I have definitely tried to reach out and keep myself busy these last few days. I wasn't able to for the first two days because I felt incredibly sick, but I've been talking to my two close friends, who happen to be the only people in my life right now. It helps pass the time a bit but it definitely doesn't change anything, at least not yet. Again I know it's going to take time. I still feel awful, and I feel awful knowing that I'll be feeling this way for a while longer.

[KatyJ]

I know it's difficult right now and as much as you really want to be friends with her, maybe it is for the best to keep your distance. Every time you see her and be near her you will keep on thinking of wanting to be with her but you can't. It's like torturing yourself over and over. It's not helping you. Maybe someday you can be friends but for now I think you need to walk away. For your own sake.

Everyone goes through heartbreak at some point in their life. It could be from unrequitted love, break up, death, or disappointment. The difference is in how you handle it. If you let the heartbreak get the best of you then you will forever be miserable. It's not easy to just walk away from someone that you think is the best thing that can ever happen to you but right now that is the first step to your recovery.

Do not lose hope. You will get through this. Spend time with your friends. Go out. Meet people. Take control of your life :)

[1RandomUser]

I'm not planning to feel bad. What I'm saying is I can't control my emotions like that. It's not something I can shut off. I can't simply just think I will be happy and "make" myself happy. If it were that simple, I definitely wouldn't choose to feel this way at all or even have liked her in the first place, or chosen to be depressed. This was my issue with doctors and everyone I spoke to. I do exercise daily, I reach out to my close friends, I've done everyone's suggestions. But when those thoughts and feelings come, no matter what I think it doesn't make it go away. It's like thinking a headache is in my imagination, when the feeling is so strongly there, if that makes any sense. It becomes more manageable after some time and that's what I'm working on right now, giving myself the chance to get there with time.

Thank you for your response KatyJ. I have been spending time talking to one of my close friends, and once I regain some energy I intend to get back into exercising.

[Oliver2011]

"What I'm saying is I can't control my emotions like that."

I didn't say you could control them automatically and I didn't say that it would happen overnight. It takes time and practice and it is difficult. I don't remember if you said how old you are but over your many years on this earth you have trained your brain to feel bad during situations like these. Most people do because that is what is the easy way out. When something not so great happens to us we want to feel bad for ourselves and nobody tells us that we can choose to feel a different way. I don't buy "It's not something I can shut off" because I know you can choose to feel a different way. I am living proof of that.

Look man don't judge what I've written. Read it more than once. It will start to make sense.

I'm not planning to feel bad. What I'm saying is I can't control my emotions like that. It's not something I can shut off. I can't simply just think I will be happy and "make" myself happy. If it were that simple, I definitely wouldn't choose to feel this way at all or even have liked her in the first place, or chosen to be depressed. This was my issue with doctors and everyone I spoke to. I do exercise daily, I reach out to my close friends, I've done everyone's suggestions. But when those thoughts and feelings come, no matter what I think it doesn't make it go away. It's like thinking a headache is in my imagination, when the feeling is so strongly there, if that makes any sense. It becomes more manageable after some time and that's what I'm working on right now, giving myself the chance to get there with time.

Thank you for your response KatyJ. I have been spending time talking to one of my close friends, and once I regain some energy I intend to get back into exercising.

[talaniman]

Maybe you can't control how you feel but you can damn sure control what you do about it. Do something good for yourself, or somebody else.

[1RandomUser]

I fully intend to, hopefully some time this week I'll be getting back to my daily exercise.