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amandajeanday · Jan 8, 2014, 09:22 AM

I need good advice! Me and my boyfriend have been together about 7 months. I'm 17 and he's 18, I'll be 18 in a couple days. My boyfriend has had some relationships in the past and his parents loved his girlfriends, these relationships weren't so serious, but our relationship is super serious and his parents liked me until they found out we were having sex. I think its because his mom and dad feel as if I'm "taking their little boy" away from them". I'm also like extremely different from his family, they are farmers and very homely, and they do things the "old way", on the other hand I'm very perky, I dress like a modern teenage girl, not to bad and I clean it up a lot when I'm around then. I'm not a good cook or anything, (wife material) and I don't think his mom is to fond of that. I feel as if she thinks I'm just a "pretty face".

Any advice on how to handle this or what I could do?

Homegirl 50 · Jan 8, 2014, 09:32 AM

They probably are concerned about pregnancy. (I don't blame them) I'm sure they don't want their son to be a dad at 18/19. The attitude you have about his family, thinking you are somehow better may have something to do with it to.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 8, 2014, 09:41 AM

I agree, most likely concerned you will have a baby and chances of good education and a better life for their child is gone.

I also agree with your attitude, if you spoke about my family like that, you would not be welcomed either.

amandajeanday · Jan 8, 2014, 09:42 AM

Oohh... no I would never think I was better than them... I was definitely raised a different way, and I've attempted to learn how they do things. I understand the pregnancy thing 110%, but I just understand why they are having a hufe issue with it. Hes had past girlfriend that his parents new about and new they were having sex and they liked those girls?

I don't feel as if I said something bad about his family. I just feel like I was raised in a different environment, and I have been trying to learn how to do things the way they do.

I wish · Jan 8, 2014, 10:01 AM

7 months is not a long time and you're both still teenagers. It's going to take a long time for his parents to warm up to you. For now, just focus on the relationship to make sure that you are staying strong together. Furthermore, continue to improve yourself outside of the relationship, whether it's school, work, personality, etc. As you continue to improve grow as a person, people, including his parents, will grow to respect you.

For now, you're going to have to be patient with them.

amandajeanday · Jan 8, 2014, 10:03 AM

Thank you so much :) and trust me, me and him both make high honors, I cheer and dance, and he's in basketball, tack, and baseball. He works 2 jobs. And none of us get into any trouble :D thanks for the good advice :)

Fr_Chuck · Jan 8, 2014, 10:04 AM

And sorry but perhaps they just do not like you. My parents hated Toni ( my wife) I am not talking about not like, they hated her.

So it may be that you are not like them. May be you do not help in kitchen when you go visit. Perhaps you do not follow some customs they are used to.

Not everyone always likes everyone.

amandajeanday · Jan 8, 2014, 10:05 AM

That could also be very true... because we do have different views on things. And I would never ever say they are wrong or anything even close to that! But I do think it bothers them. But they are such good people.

ScottGem · Jan 8, 2014, 10:46 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...st-780816.html

That certainly could have a huge impact on their feelings about you. I would certainly be unhappy if I found my 18 yr old son, especially one with an apparently bright future, was having sex with his 17 yr old girlfriend.

I'm curious as to how they found out. But it doesn't really matter. You sound self centered and very much wrapped up in yourself.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 8, 2014, 11:07 AM

So you are late for your period, were you two not using protection? How did his parents find out you are having sex?

amandajeanday · Jan 8, 2014, 06:20 PM

They found out through is 14 year old brother. And I'm really not self centered! How do u sound like that? And Yes of course we were using protect.

They found out through his brother. How do I sound self centered? And yes we were.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 8, 2014, 06:38 PM

Perhaps they are upset that not only are you having sex, but his younger brother is now exposed.
As parents we want the best for our kids and it pains to think they may be throwing it all away, especially if there is a pregnancy.

amandajeanday · Jan 8, 2014, 06:43 PM

His brother is very... well... he's makes choices that are not very smear, and I'm not saying the choice I made was but I'm not a bad kid... I would really just like to no how I am self centered?

Homegirl 50 · Jan 8, 2014, 07:21 PM

I did not say you are a bad kid or that you are self centered. I just telling you why his parents may be feeling the way they do. I think it is because the relationship seems serious and is sexual. That is a bad mix for teens.

amandajeanday · Jan 8, 2014, 07:28 PM

But we are graduating, he has 2 really good jobs! We are in a really good relationship. And we respect his parents.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 8, 2014, 07:36 PM

What kind of really good job can an 18 year old high school student have and should he work two jobs the rest of his life?
Do you two have plans for college?
You are in a 7 month relationship, that is not that long, and respecting his parents is something you should do.
What are your plans for after High School?

amandajeanday · Jan 8, 2014, 07:48 PM

I'm in Cosmetology school right now, and he's in a couple classes at a community collage now. And he's working 2 jobs now just to save up money for everything, and after high school he's going to have a really good job, he's already in Early placement.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 8, 2014, 07:53 PM

So is he going to college? Really good jobs are hard to find, even for those who have way more work experience than he does.
You mentioned in another post about possibly being pregnant. I think you two ought to be really careful. You two are not prepared to be parents and I think his parents are thinking the same thing. He seems to have too much going for him to find himself being a daddy. You have a lot going for you too.

amandajeanday · Jan 8, 2014, 07:56 PM

And we also have everything planned and I no we are young... but we are smart... I do an early placement for Cos also. And Yes he's def planning on it! :) he's a really good guy and even though we are young we have a lot of support coming from my family.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 8, 2014, 08:06 PM

Yes you are young and if you think you have everything planned and things will work as planned you are not as smart as you think. Plans change.
You two need to be concentrating on your future as far as education and employment is concerned and while you have support of your family, if you find yourself pregnant you are going to need both parents behind you. It would be a shame if he did not have his family behind him.
Couples need support from both families. When you have division, you have conflict. Add teen pregnancy to the mix and you can have real conflict. Concentrate on school. Show his parents you two can be responsible. Stop the sex.