[Petal2013]

I REALLY need advice as I think Im going crazy. Ive been together with my boyfriend for 7 years and he stills says that he isn't in love with me but has some love for me. He's never said I love you in 7 years because he says he doesn't feel it. Am I wasting my time, is he leading me on. Im so confused because he treats me OK apart from that but as they say love is blind and Im wondering if I am blinded by him.

Please could you give me some advice? Is it normal not to be in love after 7 years. Im 26 and he is 29. There are other people interested in me but Ive spent years trying to make this man love me and I don't know if to move on or not.

Px

[Catsmine]

There's some investment on his part. Are you guys just hanging out or have you made any commitments regarding the relationship, such as sharing a place, getting a pet or car or furniture together?

Has he been there for you during a crisis (assuming you've HAD a crisis while you've been together)?

Is he simply hung up on the word? How does he feel about the word "husband?"

[talaniman]

He isn't leading you on at all. You are following his program and its okay except for that in love thing you cannot agree on. 7 years is plenty of preview to what this relationship is and will be about. Is that enough for you... forever?

You can't make someone love you the way you want them to.

[talaniman]

To be in Love? Is it important?

Depends on how its defined by the individual. Sometimes partners have different definitions of love.

[Oliver2011]

My questions back to you would be why would you accept anything less than being in love and why would you accept that for 7 years?

There is a great movie called Perks of Being a Wallflower which has the line:

"We accept the love we think we deserve".

Maybe that is it. My expectations are too high so I wouldn't be able to accept "has some love for me."

[Alty]

Have you ever asked him what being in love means to him?

He obviously cares about you, otherwise he wouldn't have spent 7 years of his life with you. That's love.

What's your definition of being in love?

[I wish]

Love can also be relative. You have been together for so long that you barely have anything else to compare with.

The thing that I see is that he's not able to provide you with the love that you are looking for. Now my question is, is his love sufficient? Because if you want to continue this relationship in hopes that he will change, then you will probably be waiting forever. Because if he hasn't changed by now, what makes you think he will change if you give another 7 years? Then another 7 years after that?

If he is what you want, then accept his feelings for what they are. If it is not enough for you, then you might want to reconsider this relationship to see if you can find what you are looking for. A break up now is not as bad as a divorce later. You don't want to wake up one day 10 years later, realizing that what he is giving you is not enough for as a life partner.