[mido Skaff]

Me and this girl knew each other in 2009, maybe earlier. I had a crush on her since the first time I saw her. In 2010 she traveled and I also traveled. We remained in contact but just as casual friends. Then in late 2011 or early 2012 can't quite recall. I broke my silence. I told her that I wanted more than just friendship. I wanted to settle down. She was shocked but she knew it was coming. Her response was a bit of a blow in the face. She said she was just out of a relationship. And can't just jump from one to another. I gave her space to get over it all. I still held on and continued my talking to her as usual. Check up on her. Calls etc... then again early 2013 I popped the same question. She was like I can't perceive you more than what I already do. She knew how much I loved her. But she just couldn't.

Somewhere in June 2013 I traveled to the country she was in. As it so happens then we are in the same town. Same area. So we used to see each other everyday. Then again I asked and wanted to ask for the last time. She said the same things and told me she will give it a thought and I would get an answer before I travelled back. On July 1st 2013 we planned to go out. Not a date but like a group outing. Ice cream and walk on the beach. Now at the ice cream bar when I would pay less attention to her and more attention to someone else she would get jealous. I noticed but did it anyway. Then when we decided to walk on the beach we walked alone. Then we went close to the waters and got wet feet. We where talking about music and if I recall correctly she has issues speaking her mind. Especially when it comes to emotions. So she said listen to this song. It was a song with meaning. I ignored the message. Then a next and another. She had a playlist. All possible positive answers to my question. That's when it all happened. We went home.

Sat all night talking and we called it our first day of life together. We talked pneumonia how we would tell our parents. I told mine. She couldn't due to culture. But my parents told hers and the response was somewhat disturbing but they where right. I was jobless at the time so I was told to get a job and be stable then by the grace of God everything will be settled. We basically had our first 5 years planned and laid out. I traveled and she found work. We planned on saving together and when we are ready we use the money for what we need.

Anyway I traveled on the 28 August and had problems getting a job till mid December. And even after I got a job I had problems with the law. Not like I committed crime but there where false accusations against me by a man known as my uncle. And I was proving myself innocent. She knew of all my problems. I got arrested for his sake. And later he kicked me out of the house for something I didn't do. I started sleeping at work and she was the only one I found comfort in. Then on the 22nd December she started with a story because I once felt like I was a rebound guy after I found a post she made in January this year. Because I thought she ended her relationship in 2012, so she started with the "what if this what if that..." story. Then she told me she recently discovered that she still has emotions for her ex. After all this time. And she needs time to think of what she wants. Am sure he asked her back and she is now confused.

But what pisses me off is why even take time to choose between your past and present? Either you let go of the past or hold on to it and don't let someone into your life. Because being compared after all this time we had and have gone through is really hard and it hurts. She doesn't even know when I asked her a simple question like. Do you love me or not? Where do I stand in all this. All I heard from her is silence. I gave her time apart. This time apart is killing me. Maybe I loved her so much beyond the normal limits and that's why its this hard. :( What is a heart to hold when you have nothing else to lose?

[talaniman]

Your time has been difficult, and you have been through much. Life is like that sometimes where everything seems against your success. This is but a disappointing part of your life and efforts and it's important to get through the hard time you face and keep working on your goals without thoughts of her comfort being there with you. She is simply not of the same mind as you are and as hard to understand as that is, you must accept it.

In time you will. You work to straighten your own life out, and find comfort in that, and leave her alone. She has her own issues to deal with.

[mido Skaff]

But what I fail to understand is why wait for all this long. I gave all I had just for this relationship to work out. She is all I ever wanted. Its supposed to be a happy time for me and her. Xmas is ruined... will enter New year with a sore heart. I won't beat about this issue. Am hurt... really hurt. For someone to just say "i know how u feel" has to be in my shoes. I trusted her with my life. She changed the boy I was to the man I am now. She always used to be there for me and I also did the same. I still love her despite all this. But I have just lost a bit of trust in her. We still talk. But she talks to me like nothing ever happened. I got advice to play along for two weeks and see what she has to say. A female advice. She told me she is confused.

[talaniman]

The best way to keep your heart broken is to not let it heal from the hurt. The best way to let confused people get unconfused is to leave them alone. The best way to not be confused by a confused person is to leave them alone.

You are hardly the only one who has been in love and it didn't work out the way you wanted too. I have walked in your shoes MANY times. Most people have. We all get hurt. The question is will you heal from the hurt, or keep hurting yourself? Deal with the hurt, not the girl, as you build a life that makes you happy without her.

You can wallow in your own misery, or find ways to make yourself happy, as for sure she will NOT.

[joypulv]

I'm sorry, but it's your own fault for hoping for more than just friendship for so many years. You can't really be pissed off at anyone else for who they are, only yourself. You clung to every little bit of encouragement when there wasn't any (except for some jealousy when you paid attention to other girls). Her only fault was not seeing the pain you were in and letting you go long ago, for your own good.
You can't make one person your whole life! Work, studies, interests, family, friends all are what makes a person. Romantic love is not only unreliable, but you need to BE someone in order to be attractive. Work on that, or you will be nothing but a 'best friend' to women forever.

[mido Skaff]

Note... she didn't break up with me. That's the confusing part. And what if ahead came back n said she wants to continue what we started?

[I wish]

You have to remember, you were quite persistent since the beginning. You confessed your feelings three times and she rejected you twice. Had you not been so persistent, she would have moved on with her life. Because you were so persistent all this time, she felt that she needed to give you a chance. There are only so many guys who will continually chase a girl for that many years. She gave the relationship a chance and you're definitely on a roller coaster.

For now, you need to focus on what's important. The two most important things are to get your job situation together so that it is no longer a burden to you. Give her time to sort out her own mess. Once you both settled your issues, and you were meant to be together, you will find your way back to each other again.

You need to put some faith into the relationship for it to work. The thing is, even if it fails because of all this, then it means it would have failed regardless, it would have just been some other reason.

If this relationship is going to succeed, then these are small problems that can be overcome.

You don't need to force the issue so much. Just work on your personal problems first so that you aren't dragging her down. At least if you settle your own down, you will be in a stronger position to offer more to her.