[Teddy89]

Hi everyone!

Very confused lately, for the past month and a half I feel like I am pushing me boyfriend away and that is the last thing I want. I get drunk and accuse him or start silly little rows for no reason, I know I have very low self esteem and little confidence because of past relationships.

We have been together for about a year and everything used to be amazing, it still is, our good times are really good. It just seems to be me getting so drunk I say things I don't mean. I don't know why that I do. I guess I'm always just expecting or thinking the worst.

It all came to a head a few days ago when he dumped me, I begged and begged him to give me another chance and he has, but I feel now like I've lost him? He said at the time he was angry, peeved off and needed space, that he can't do it anymore if I'm going to keep saying hurtful things and accusing him and I have swore I won't.

I hate feeling like this and I love him so much. I don't want to hurt him. We sorted things out and had a nice day together but now its just playing on my head. I'm scared because I know it's the last chance. I'm scared because I don't want to lose him, and I know I will if I keep continuing this. The fact he gave me another chance and he still loves me means so much to me but I just can't shake the feeling that he will end things. :(

[tickle]

Stop drinking and your mindset will change. Appears you drink too much and this is not a good thing. Some people are happy drunks, some are mean drunks who can't control their tongues.

[Teddy89]

I wouldn't say I'm mean when I'm drinking, usually I'm really fun, I guess if something is bothering me or playing on my head then it will come out more after a few drinks. I don't really drink often, its more if I'm out on a fri or sat night just with friends and my boyfriend. Though I am going to wise myself up big time! Thank you. I was thinking similar to what you said if I'm honest, its just nice to hear it from someone else too so I kind of know what I need to be doing.

[joypulv]

If he's worth it, you will change - plain and simple. Get therapy if you have to, or join AA, or both.

And you don't have low self esteem because of past relationships. You had it all along, and that's a big reason why those relationships failed. Stop excusing your behavior based on what other guys 'did to you.' They have no relation at all to THIS man. He is not them. No more excuses.

And don't make promises. Talk is cheap. Prove it with actions. He has given you another chance, and that is rare and priceless, so go out of your way to appreciate him.

I know ALL about this, because I am not that much different, except now I am old. And I never drank too much, in fact not much at all (it makes me sick too easily). But I lost the best man I ever knew because of this.

[talaniman]

Stop drinking and playing with your own head and making excuses from old baggage from the past. Being still mad at old boyfriends and taking it out on your present guy is a poor excuse for bad behavior.

Do better, and be grateful.