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wowconqerer99 · Dec 4, 2013, 02:14 PM

Hi. I'm a new member here, and I desperately need help. Since I was a child, I've been stealing and lying, and lying and stealing but I've never been punished for it so I find it harder and harder to stop. I recognize that this is unhealthy for myself, and others have talked to me about this as well. I steal my dad's belongings and use them when he needs them more than I do. Instead of telling him I did it when he already knew it was me, I lied about it, and now he's taken away many of my privileges simply because he does not trust me anymore. These privileges he's taken from me don't affect me at all, so I don't care about trying to convince him to give them back to me, I really need help with 1) a way to stop habitually lying and stealing from everyone I know and 2) a way to talk to my dad. I don't need an idea to spark up a conversation, I need a way to be able to approach him and at least get his trust back if nothing else...

CravenMorhead · Dec 4, 2013, 02:18 PM

Why have you been doing this? You know it is a problem. Until you know why you do it then you're going to be hard pressed to fix it.

As well, trust lost is hard to gain back and you might not be able to regain it. Contemplate that for a while as well.

wowconqerer99 · Dec 4, 2013, 08:24 PM

I do it because I know he can replace every last bit of it, but I don't know how my mind justifies doing it anyway and it's truly hurting my state of mind. Ever since I had the need to get help it's been wearing me down, down to conclusions that I'm almost certain can't be a possibility.
He's claimed to trust me so much... perhaps it's the idea of his trust I need... I just don't know.

pwooden · Dec 4, 2013, 08:38 PM

Congratulations on admitting you've done wrong and wanting to change. This is not going to be easy, and you'll need someone on your side. I think that's how you need to approach your Dad. Ask for his advice on how you can turn your life around and earn his trust. Maybe you can come up with the best punishment for yourself if you backslide. Don't be too hard on yourself, but think of something that might actually work and tell your Dad you expect this punishment in the future. Good luck!

CravenMorhead · Dec 5, 2013, 08:50 AM

Because he can replace it all? I don't think that is the reason. That is the justification not the reason.

What do you do with the stuff once you steal it?

joypulv · Dec 5, 2013, 09:28 AM

Stealing in children is a craving for love, mostly. Some say a need for attention, but that's the same thing. It's also power when feeling powerless. It can get out of hand if a child is severely punished the first time he does it, and almost all children steal a bit as a test of their power. A good parent sits the child down and explains, without flying off the handle.
So does any of that click with you? Is something missing in your life, something emotional, a feeling of being appreciated and loved?

excon · Dec 5, 2013, 09:38 AM

Hello w:

I really need help with 1) a way to stop habitually lying and stealing from everyone I know and 2) a way to talk to my dad.

This is easy, and hard at the same time. The NEXT time you're about to steal, DON'T. The next time you're about to lie, DON'T. You HAVE the ability to DO that. It's a SIMPLE matter of DOING it.

Now, it'll be HARD, because ONE part of you is gonna YELL and SCREAM when you walk away. So what?

Once you DO that, mention it to your dad.

excon