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CrownTheNicci · Dec 2, 2013, 11:33 AM

I am very young. 15 in fact. I had an abortion earlier this year and ever since then I have felt a void. I am in a committed relationship and I know I can't have one nor should I. However I don't know how I can handle this. Any advice would be helpful. I am in therapy and on pills but all she says is its normal. I want to be able to not feel this way.

tickle · Dec 2, 2013, 11:39 AM

Sounds to me like you are going through post partum depression. She needs to pull you out of it. How many weeks were you along before you had the abortion?

Wondergirl · Dec 2, 2013, 11:47 AM

Is your therapist helping you with grieving? That's what you need to be doing, what you probably haven't done.

ScottGem · Dec 2, 2013, 01:56 PM

First, at 15, you need to understand you are too young to be in a "committed relationship". It may feel like it, but its just too young. Second, if your therapist is not helping you deal with these feelings, maybe you need to try a different therapist.

Jake2008 · Dec 3, 2013, 08:50 AM

Stick with therapy, and good for you for seeking therapy out in the first place.

Maybe part of you needing a relationship right now, is the fact that you are 'missing' something. Maybe some idealized dream about the love of a baby, and the loss of that opportunity. It probably feels like you are trapped in a bad dream and you want that part of your life, put to rest.

It will take time, and it will take common sense. Having a baby at your age is no picnic, regardless of thinking that it might solve any problems of 'loss'. To have a baby after you graduate high school, and then college, and to be independent and providing for own needs, has to come first.

If you can set that goal, and decide for all the right reasons that having a baby to fill a void, or make your life happy, is selfish and inconsiderate to the child brought into the world for all the wrong reasons.

Having a baby in your mid-late 20's even, with a solid relationship (i.e. marriage- two parents etc.), and being well-prepared for the expense and changes that happen (that will test you to the limits), let alone having the money in the bank, and a good job, is the only way to go when you have the choice to make.

You are in no position to attain all of the above, or even some of the above, at the age of 15. You have the freedom to choose who you will marry, you have the freedom to go to a college or university, to plan your future the way you want it, and live your dreams, by earning them, if you could try harder to think beyond the current way you are feeling.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that your life will be better, or more complete, or less painful, if you have someone to look after, that depends on you. Your life will NOT be complete, because your struggle to raise a child at age 15, is almost insurmountable without a lot of support. And even then, everything is so much harder- minimum wage jobs, struggles getting through high school, missing out on the teenage stage of your life.

And what is that stage? Being a teenager is hard enough, I'm sure you'll agree. I wouldn't want those years back for all the sequens on Elvis's jackets. It is a stage of life, that prepares you for the next stage of life, and that is learning who you are, where you belong, forging ahead under your own steam and resources, etc.

Sticking with the counseling, and settling with these feelings and learning to accept and move on, is far more important than trying to fix yourself, by thinking about having a baby.

talaniman · Dec 3, 2013, 09:47 AM

I hope you stay in therapy and follow the directions given so you can get a balance between your feelings and desires, and reality of your situation being a 15 year old who is sexually active.

Committed relationships between teens are not reliable for long enough to make life changing decision. Getting pregnant is a life changing decision, for males and females. I hope you get what you need from the help you are getting. Stay with it.

kellb08 · Dec 3, 2013, 07:17 PM

I'm surprised you are pregnant at 15? What were you thinking, you are too young to be committed to any boy? Do you live with your parents, or are you out in the streets? Please, get help and stop having babies you are not mature enough to support a child on your own. That is difficult for people my age even. Stop watching the Kardashion's! Join the girls volleyball team at school and practice keeping your legs together when you go up to spike! Get your education, get your life together. YOU are the only one that can do this.

Am I the only one raising an eyebrow here folks?