[kellilm]

He has even tried to have sex with me while watching gay porn. I'm a very open person and have been dealing with this with him for 2 years, but I am now realizing that it is hurting myself esteem. Help!

[Alty]

Have you talked to him about how this makes you feel?

[kellilm]

Yes. And he says it's because it's different and better than regular porn. I can understand that, it's just that it's so frequent and he's so pushy with it. He didn't reveal this side of himself until I'd lived with him for maybe a year...

[kellilm]

Also, he is very aware of how uncomfortable I am with it and he continues to watch it and not even have the decency to hide it, by ANY means. I'd do just about anything for him. He is my WORLD. But I cannot allow myself to live so uncomfortably for much longer. I wish he'd understand what it feels like.

[Alty]

Yes. And he says it's because it's different and better than regular porn. I can understand that, it's just that it's so frequent and he's so pushy with it. He didn't reveal this side of himself until I'd lived with him for maybe a year...

So you told him that you're not really okay with it, and his response was?

I didn't ask why he watches it, or likes what he likes, I asked if you told him how you feel about it, and if so, what did he say about how you feel?

[kellilm]

I did. And he responded with anger and said he'd stop and then proceeded to push it in my face even more than he did before.

[Alty]

I did. And he responded with anger and said he'd stop and then proceeded to push it in my face even more than he did before.

So he won't talk to you about how you feel, instead he reacts with anger and then punishes you. You're not happy with the way things are, and you're still with him. Why?

[kellilm]

Because I love everything else about him. I just need to find a way to cope with that part so I can respect myself again.

[Alty]

Because I love everything else about him. I just need to find a way to cope with that part so I can respect myself again.

So everything else is great, other than the fact that your concerns and feelings make him angry, and he dismisses them. Um... how is that working exactly?

[kellilm]

Yeah, good point. Obviously not working well or else I wouldn't be on here. Would you give up?

[Alty]

Yeah, good point. Obviously not working well or else I wouldn't be on here. Would you give up?

If I'm miserable, and the one person that's supposed to be my sounding board, the one person I'm supposed to be able to trust above everyone else, won't listen to how I feel, doesn't care that he's the reason I'm upset, just gets angry because he wants what he wants, so much that he's willing to sacrifice me, yes, I'd leave.

I'd find someone that listens when I'm upset, doesn't get angry at me because it takes away from what he wants. I'd find someone that doesn't make me miserable. I'd find someone that treats me like an equal.

Bottom line, you tried to talk to him, and instead of listening to how you feel, he got angry at you for not accepting what he wants. He didn't give a darn about your feelings.

He may be wonderful in a lot of ways, but not being willing to listen to you when you're concerned about a huge aspect of your relationship, that's a major red flag, that's a big deal.

Can you live with things the way they are? Obviously you can't, that's why you're here. So you have a few options. You either accept what he wants, learn that what you want in this relationship doesn't matter at all to him, you have no voice, and if you try to speak up about how you feel he'll deal with you by getting angry at you. Learn to keep your mouth shut because your feelings don't matter to him at all. The option I'd take, leave and find someone that actually cares about you, not only himself.

So what are you willing to live with? How great is he in every other way? Can you deal with the fact that whenever something happens in your relationship with him, that you don't like, you can't tell him because it's his way or the highway, he doesn't care about how you feel? Can you live with that until death do you part?

[kellilm]

Yeah, that's what I've been thinking. I've done my part in trying to work on it with him. I can't let someone manipulate me this way. Thank you.

[Alty]

Yeah, that's what I've been thinking. I've done my part in trying to work on it with him. I can't let someone manipulate me this way. Thank you.

You're welcome. I hope that you make the decision that's best for you. You're articulate, you're obviously intelligent. It was a pleasure talking to you, which is rare on this site when so many people can't even spell the word "you". From what you posted, you deserve better than this. You deserve someone that will support you, not financially, but mentally, emotionally, physically. You don't deserve to have your feelings dismissed like they're nothing, no matter how great they are in every other way. Communication is really the most important aspect of a relationship, and there's no communication in yours, there's his way and that's it, either tow the line or you're out. That's not a relationship.

I hope you keep me posted. I'm here if you need advice, or just a kick in the butt to get you where I really think you deserve to be.

Good luck. :)

[kellilm]

Thank you! I needed that.