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alovelikethis99 · Nov 14, 2013, 09:06 PM

I've been with my husband 5 years, married 3. He started being physically abusive a couple months after we started dating. Our relationship has always been very volatile, especially when he would drink, which he doesn't anymore. He's done a lot over the years, punching me, holding me down on the floor and choking me, or spitting in my face, throwing things at me, shoving me into things, and so much more I won't even get into. He's also emotionally abusive almost on a daily basis, calling me names, insulting everything I do, and my appearance, etc. I almost feel bad even talking about it though, because I don't want people thinking I'm being dramatic or trying to get attention, and I know there are people out there who have it a lot worse, but he's been pretty bad over the years. I'm Christian and don't believe in divorce, but I know this isn't love. How can someone who loves you treat you so horribly? He has been in trouble with the police once, but other than that I've just kept my mouth shut.I'm so tired and weak and worn out from the past 5 years. I don't know what to do. I love him and don't want to leave, but I know I have to do something, because I can't keep doing this, and neither can he. But I have no money, only work part-time, no where to go, etc. I know I don't deserve to be treated this way, but I don't know how to change things or how to leave.

Wondergirl · Nov 14, 2013, 09:22 PM

Where to go? There's probably a battered women's shelter not far from you. Go there as fast as you can. Loving him is no excuse not to get help. He has killed your spirit and may kill your body. I'm a Christian too and don't believe in divorce, but what you are in is not a marriage. It is a mind and body torture chamber.

Please look for a shelter and go there!

Wondergirl · Nov 14, 2013, 09:37 PM

Is there a Lutheran Church in your area? or Catholic or Baptist? I'm a Lutheran preacher's kid and know that many pastors and their congregations will help women in your situation. Check with an area church office too.

alovelikethis99 · Nov 14, 2013, 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Is there a Lutheran Church in your area? or Catholic or Baptist? I'm a Lutheran preacher's kid and know that many pastors and their congregations will help women in your situation. Check with an area church office too.

There are quite a few churches in the area, all different demoninations. I currently go to a Baptist church. The pastor has talked to me and my husband a little bit about our situation, but I haven't given him much detail because like I said I'm kind of embarrassed to talk about it, at least face to face.

Wondergirl · Nov 14, 2013, 09:44 PM

Originally Posted by alovelikethis99

There are quite a few churches in the area, all different demoninations. I currently go to a Baptist church. The pastor has talked to me and my husband a little bit about our situation, but I haven't given him much detail because like I said I'm kind of embarrassed to talk about it, at least face to face.

Time to stop being embarrassed. You are a battered and abused woman.

What are your impressions of the Baptist pastor?

alovelikethis99 · Nov 14, 2013, 09:46 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Time to stop being embarrassed. You are a battered and abused woman.

What are your impressions of the Baptist pastor?

He is a good, godly man. I know he would do whatever he could to help out anyone in his congregation. He has done quite a bit for me and my husband over the years, just generally speaking, and I'm sure if he knew our whole situation he would do whatever he could to help.

Wondergirl · Nov 14, 2013, 09:50 PM

Originally Posted by alovelikethis99

He is a good, godly man. I know he would do whatever he could to help out anyone in his congregation. He has done quite a bit for me and my husband over the years, just generally speaking, and I'm sure if he knew our whole situation he would do whatever he could to help.

Then take my hand and let's do this. Contact him by phone or in person and pour out your heart to him about what your married life is really like. I'll be with you in spirit and whisper courage in your ear. You and I both want this to stop.

I'm a professional counselor and maybe, just maybe, this marriage can be fixed, but you have to be honest first and get some help.

alovelikethis99 · Nov 14, 2013, 09:53 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Then take my hand and let's do this. Contact him by phone or in person and pour out your heart to him about what your married life is really like. I'll be with you in spirit and whisper courage in your ear. You and I both want this to stop.

I'm a professional counselor and maybe, just maybe, this marriage can be fixed, but you have to be honest first and get some help.

Thanks I really appreciate it. I don't know why it took me so long to wake up and just see that we both need help to change things, we obviously can't do it on our own, but sometimes a push in the right direction is all one needs, and I appreciate you being there.

Wondergirl · Nov 14, 2013, 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by alovelikethis99

Thanks I really appreciate it. I don't know why it took me so long to wake up and just see that we both need help to change things, we obviously can't do it on our own, but sometimes a push in the right direction is all one needs, and I appreciate you being there.

Total honesty is what will get you out of this horrible situation, and hopefully into a better marriage. Your husband may need a medical evaluation and/or some kind of individual counseling as well, and the two of you might end up in marital counseling. Or a divorce might be in your future. (My sister divorced after a few years of marriage, and I thought my pastor father would die from it, but he survived. And both she and her ex went on to better lives once they had gotten help.)

Just take it day by day -- and please keep me informed as to how things are going.