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mei mei · Mar 30, 2007, 11:45 AM

The guy I am seeing, I have known him since middle school and NO ONE ever told me or him we were related. We didn't date as kids but earlier this year we were set up by my cousin who is his friend. My brother was killed in early March and my grandmother brought up the guy I am seeing to be one of the Pallbearers. I only aassumed she broought hum up because he and my brother were good friends. At the funeral his aunt came up to me and said, Hey, we're cousins. No one knew we were dating at that point. I asked my grandmother about it and she said yeah, were related because his grandmother and my great grandmother are first cousins... Oh my... which makes he and I 6th cousins from my understanding. During the time we have been seeing each other we have gotten to like and enjoy each others company very much. To make it simple we both care about each other in a romantic way. I am divorced out of an abusive marriage and I have really found a friend and companion with this guy I am seeing... I guess the question lies... Is this Incest?:confused:

jonjons1girl · Mar 30, 2007, 11:56 AM

NOPE! Go for it. You aren't close like growing up together cousins, neither of you knew about it. And it's not close enough in the blood line to matter.

ScottGem · Mar 30, 2007, 11:57 AM

No. Incest is only between immediate family members. Parents and their children or siblings. I'm not sure a grandparent and a grandchild would legally be incest (though it would be preverted).

You aren't even first cousins (he would have to be a child of your aunt or uncle for that) and anything beyond first cousins is considered outside the relationship taboo. You are much further distant than that.

The only thing I would caution is that you might consider a genetic workup. This would show the probabilty of passing dangerous recessive traits to your children. Other than that enjoy your relationship.

wtn4hzretrn · Mar 30, 2007, 12:08 PM

6th cousins... doesn't the blood bond break at some point? I doubt there are even any medical issues with this. You guys should be fine.

Nosnosna · Mar 30, 2007, 12:36 PM

Third cousins once removed, actually.

It's probably going to be a little odd for the rest of the family. I'd gloss over that part when talking to other people, of course. That being said, there's very little chance of there being complications with the genetics with that distance between you, and since you didn't grow up close, or even know that you were cousins, there's nothing really creepy about it.

Legally speaking, most states in the US define incest as first cousins or closer (grandparent and grandchild would be, as they are in a direct line, except in situations similar to the song "I am my own grandpa"). A number of states define it even more closely, such that first cousins aren't considered incest (though aunt/nephew would be).

ordinaryguy · Mar 30, 2007, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by Nosnosna

Third cousins once removed, actually.

Yes, third cousins once removed, and no, it's not incest. No problem. Go for it.

Noviceplaintiff · Mar 30, 2007, 04:55 PM

Originally Posted by mei mei

The guy I am seeing, I have known him since middle school and NO ONE ever told me or him we were related. We didn't date as kids but earlier this year we were set up by my cousin who is his friend. My brother was killed in early March and my grandmother brought up the guy I am seeing to be one of the Pallbearers. I only aassumed she broought hum up becasue he and my brother were good friends. At the funeral his aunt came up to me and said, Hey, we're cousins. No one knew we were dating at that point. I asked my grandmother about it and she said yeah, were related because his grandmother and my great grandmother are first cousins.... Oh my.....which makes he and I 6th cousins from my understanding. during the time we have been seeing each other we have gotten to like and enjoy each others company very much. To make it simple we both care about each other in a romantic way. I am divorced out of an abusive marriage and i have really found a friend and companion with this guy I am seeing...I guess the question lies ....Is this Incest?:confused:

My friend and I discussed this and as inane as it may sound, he and I both agreed that if that were ever the case with us then as long as we were not 1st, 2nd or 3rd cousins then we would still date. There are research reports that denote that 6th and 7th and 8th relatives removed do not have any damaging physical or emotional effects on children should the couple have kids. But the greater challenge for you would be, " are you ready to face the social challenges and family fueds/ discussions that may arise from your union?"