[Rednight2o]

Hello, I'm a 16 year old guy, and I'm dating a 25 year old girl. She is such an amazing person and I love her to death, and she has the same feelings for me. We love each other very much, but the problem is that I don't think my parents will be OK with it. My girlfriend is friends with my mother. I want to have a talk with my mother and let her know how much I love my girlfriend, but my girlfriend doesn't think she will understand. I know it sounds messed up, but we love each other so much. What should I do?

PS, my girlfriend lives with my mother.

[Jake2008]

I presume that you see your girlfriend, in your mother's house, where you live, right? Where is your father, does he live there as well?

It is really important for you to realize that your mother has to know about this relationship you have with her friend.

First of all, they share a home. That they are friends means that there is also a certain amount of trust. Your mother sees you, as her teenage son, and would not have a clue that her friend would have a relationship with her own son.

You are deceiving your mother, and you have to set that right.

Your 'girlfriend' probably discourages you from doing that, because not only would she risk being booted out, she would risk the humiliation of having to admit that she was involved with a 16 year old, under the nose of his mother.

Love isn't about lying, sneaking around, pretending nothing is going on, and being deceptive. It isn't about plotting and keeping secret's, particularly from your mother.

She will find out, sooner or later, even if you and your 'honorable' girlfriend keep up this lie. You will be much further ahead to speak the truth, and be prepared for the consequence that you well deserve. More deserving is her 'friend'.

[dontknownuthin]

You aren't dating. Sorry but this is a predatory relationship. This grown woman is encouraging her friend's child to lie to his mother. And I would guess, molesting you, too. Even if you are a willing participant, if you are having any kind of physical relationship, it is molestation. You aren't old enough to consent to this behavior with an adult. Tell your mother.

I know it feels great but there is something seriously wrong with a 25 year old who would even consider a relationship with someone your age.

[Cat1864]

hello, I'm a 16 year old guy, and I'm dating a 25 year old girl. she is such an amazing person and I love her to death, and she has the same feelings for me. we love each other very much, but the problem is that I don't think my parents will be OK with it. my girlfriend is friends with my mother. I want to have a talk with my mother and let her know how much I love my girlfriend, but my girlfriend doesn't think she will understand. I know it sounds messed up, but we love each other so much.. what should I do? ps, my girlfriend lives with my mother.

Very short post but so many red flags.

I am going to very blunt with some of my background questions.

Where do you live? If it isn't with your mother, do you spend nights at her home? Has your mother trusted this woman to be your 'babysitter' (the person in charge when she goes out?)

How long have you know this woman? How involved are you with this woman? Have you had sexual contact with her?

Your 'girlfriend' is very close to what is called 'grooming' you. If she thought your relationship was legal and morally correct, she would not be telling you to keep it from your parents/mother. That you she is not only helping you lie to your mother but encouraging it means she knows she is on very shaky ground morally and possibly legally depending on the state/country you live in.

You need to be honest with your mother about the relationship. Right now, you are fairly innocent in this since you are a minor and it is an adult who is apparently calling the shots. Your parents obviously trust you and hope that you will not abuse their trust. Stop taking advantage of it and 'seeing' this woman without their knowledge and permission. Losing their trust will end up costing you much more than losing this woman's supposed love.

[Rednight2o]

My girlfriend wants to tell her, but doesn't think it's the right time to. We are truly in love and I honestly think my mother would understand. We are going to tell her soon, but we aren't just going to rush it.

I live in Texas, and I live with my father and I go to my mothers every weekend. I've known her for 1 year and we both think we are perfect for each other. The reason why we fell in love is because I was there for her when her ex boyfriend left her. After a few months of helping her, we just fell in love. We have not had sex, but we are very involved.

[dontknownuthin]

Lots of red flags :
- you are keeping this from your family. You know the rekationdhip is wrong but don't want to hear it.
- she is betraying a friend, your mother, in snoutvthecworst way possible. I have a son in college... if one if my friends got romantically involved with him, I would see red.
Worst betrayal in the world.
- she is a predator and is breaking the law
- she is lying to you by saying she wants to tell your mom. If she wanted to, she would. Why put it off? She doesn't want to be arrested for her predatory actions
- you came together when she was coming out of a failed relationship. You are too young to know this, but if you were the same age, this would still be bad. She jumped from a bad rekationdhip to a criminal abuse situation. She's needy and immature. You are probably more mature than her,
-she has no boundaries. So, expect her not to have any in how she treats you. She lies to your mom, she will lie to you. She will probably cheat, lie, steal and manipulate as long as you let her. It's what she does. She is not thinking at all if you.

[Alty]

My girlfriend wants to tell her, but doesn't think it's the right time to. We are truly in love and I honestly think my mother would understand. We are going to tell her soon, but we aren't just going to rush it.

I live in Texas, and I live with my father and I go to my mothers every weekend. I've known her for 1 year and we both think we are perfect for each other. The reason why we fell in love is because I was there for her when her ex boyfriend left her. After a few months of helping her, we just fell in love. We have not had sex, but we are very involved.

So you were there for her when she broke up with her boyfriend? That's not love, that's dependence. Anyone that was nice to her at that time would have been her next love. It's called rebound. She's still young enough to fall into that trap, you're so young that you didn't even realize it's a trap.

If your mother would understand, why is she so afraid to tell her? I'll tell you why, it's because she knows this is wrong. She's an adult, well past the age of being an adult, I was married a year before her age now, and I still am married to that same man, he was also 24 when we married. You're not even out of school. You're a child. She's an adult preying on a child to make herself feel better. This isn't love. You may feel you love her, I have no doubt of that, but she knows this is wrong, and she knows that she's just using you to get over a breakup, because you made her feel special after it happened.

She's a user, she's a predator. She doesn't want to tell your mom because she knows your mom will see right through her. You need to look closer, and use the brain you have, that isn't fully equipped to deal with this because of your age, and realize that the love you think you're feeling, is one sided, and coerced.

It's not love. Not on her part, and not on yours because you're really too young to know what real love is. Tell your mom. Your mom will see this for what it really is, and protect you, which is what you need right now. I know it will hurt, because you really feel that you love her, but everything she's doing will only hurt you more in the long run, because this isn't about love for her at all.

[Cat1864]

My girlfriend wants to tell her, but doesn't think it's the right time to. We are truly in love and I honestly think my mother would understand. We are going to tell her soon, but we aren't just going to rush it.

I live in Texas, and I live with my father and I go to my mothers every weekend. I've known her for 1 year and we both think we are perfect for each other. The reason why we fell in love is because I was there for her when her ex boyfriend left her. After a few months of helping her, we just fell in love. We have not had sex, but we are very involved.

So you have known her since you were 15. How long ago was her break-up? How did you help her get over her break-up?

Tell her you are telling your mother and father about your relationship tomorrow after school. The time will never 'be right' and will only get worse the longer you keep this secret. At this time they may only forbid you spending time alone with her. Any longer and they may kick her out and call the police.

Oh and it won't matter if you wait until after you turn 17 to tell them. What matters is your age when all this started.

[talaniman]

Feelings or not, don't let the woman corrupt you against your family. She has betrayed a trust, and not acted with maturity and constraint. Your mom will be destroyed unless you end this with her room mate, and stay away from her. Of course its not the right time to tell your mom according to her because she has no where to go yet.

If she can't act as a responsible adult, then you better grow up quick and be the responsible adult and do the right thing.

[dontknownuthin]

Sorry about my typos earlier - I shouldn't try to post from my phone, it always gets screwed up. Anyway, OP - this is the thing. The right girl will first of all be another teenager, so being with you won't be an unbalanced relationship with her having more power (financial, independence, experience) and you will not have the potential to be victimized in the situation. Second, she will encourage you to do the right thing. For example, to be honest with your parents, to be open about who you are dating, to not rush growing up - those would be the right things for the right girlfriend to encourage you to do. She will also be free to enter a new relationship, which means that she is NOT relying on you to bolster her spirits and be a shoulder to cry on over her relationship with someone else. Any mature person would understand that after a breakup, people need to take a break and recover, think about what went wrong - did they choose the wrong person, were they honest in the relationship, did they take it for granted, were they too needy or pushy? - If we don't take time to figure these things out, we repeat our mistakes. In a healthy relationship, you both enter it feeling good about yourselves and confident and from a place where you're both individually running your lives well. Otherwise, you bring your problems into the relationship and dump them on the other person instead of fixing them yourself.

This lady is very immature, which is probably why she's dating a kid. She's also dishonest and very needy, and she abuses her friends. Is that really who you want to be with? We don't have to know her better or understand her circumstances better - there's not a lot of need for interpretation here. Her behaviors speak volumes. So, she's really unhealthy for you, which is why we all want you to tell your mother about the situation (so she can kick the lady out and do whatever else is necessary), and stop seeing this woman. Find a nice girl who's your own age and don't rush into a sexual relationship, or being her "savior". Dating should be light and fun, not like you're so desperately needed. You should be going to movies and haunted houses and stopping for ice cream and talking about college plans and stuff like that, not helping some sad-, manipulative, dishonest grown woman who chronically dates the wrong people to lick her wounds.