[Marsoccer1]

I love my fiancé but often times it seems one sided. I do anything and everything to make sure she knows I love her. Cooking, cleaning, massages, gifts, favors, pretty much anything including driving over an hour every day just to see her.

Now we live together and I no longer asked to do things, I'm told to do them. She will disrespect me or even on one occasion, intentionally tried to cause me physical pain. She lies to me about little things, never does anything to say thank you or that she loves me.

When I try to talk about it, she just says she never asked me for any of it and that we have different definitions of love. All I ever get are the words I love you. I'm starting to get more and more upset as it seems like she uses her difficult childhood as an excuse to mistreat me and disrespect me and maybe she doesn't love me at all.

Am I thinking straight or am I going insane?

[ifumylife]

Love without respect is pretty much useless my friend. For any relationship between adults to work, there needs to be mutual respect. And the relationship needs to be equitable. One cannot lord over the other (or be subservient to the other), and expect things to be happy for a long time.

Maybe you should examine your own feelings for her and try to understand why you are doing all that you are doing for her? How do you feel when you do it? And how does she feel?

Very importantly, you might also want to find out why she is with you. What is she getting from you that makes her be with you? Emotional support, money, security, punching bag, something else?

A difficult past is not a good reason to ill treat someone. The cycle must stop. Where she is right is that there indeed are different ways to show love. I read somewhere that there are different "languages" for love -- the language of actions is where you express love by doing something for the other person, the language of words is where you express love by saying it or being overtly romantic.

Now, its quite possible for two people to speak two different languages. My way of showing love may be to say it over and over, whereas my partner may actually not "count" it at all unless they see me helping out in the house... what languages are you speaking?

[jakester]

My friend, if I were you, I would run as fast as I can out of that relationship. Everything you described suggests that this woman is not worthy of your love. She doesn't appreciate your love for what it is, she demands it instead.

If you have any self-respect, you wouldn't put up with that. She sounds like trouble to me.

[talaniman]

When you get tired of this insanity, you will get away from it. Doesn't sound like its working very well.

[creego]

Hey man, I'm pretty sure you haven't had a lot of long relationships experience before marriage, have you?
What you did is just spoiled her with your overly nice treatment to the point she no longer appreciates it. Even if you want to rip your off making everything to please woman, you shouldn't. If you do things and don't ask anything in response she gets used to it, and so do you, until one day you realize you invest everything but she does nothing. And at this point she finds it okay, and If you will push her you won't get anything except for anger back. You can blame yourself for that.
So all you can do at this point is stop spoiling her, and slowly and gently make her do things for you, beginning from a very little things. It will take a long time and you shouldn't rush.
Other thing you can do is just dump her. That's it

[mmresd]

You have given so much and accepted so little in return, that she is used to it and she takes you for granted. Break this off as soon as possible and find someone who is going to value you. A relationship is a two person thing, if you only have one side doing all the work, then it isn't a relationship, at least not a healthy one.