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wetlake123 · Oct 15, 2013, 02:39 PM

Here is the this g and I don't know if it matters but nothing ever got started. We were engaged when we had the baby then she changed and suposively fell out of love with me but have been goi g back and fourth so I took her and we did some counceling and things been good. But anyway, we never went and had a custody case or anything. We have been doing just fine with our own arrangement. So neither of us has sole or joint anything, she is just our kid and we live in different houses. So no friend of the court no anybody has contacted us or nothing, I'm on the birth certificate and been involved in the baby's life almost every day. So for me to go through the system to pay her would have not made any since. We were handling it as if we were married. Does anyone think this changes things for better or worse?

Originally Posted by cdad

I have a better one for you. Lets say the courts accept them as child support payments. But since they weren't enough to meet the standard level of support he will owe the difference in arrears. All of this could have been avoided had it been taken care of when first starting.

ScottGem · Oct 15, 2013, 03:00 PM

No it doesn't change anything as far as a court is concerned. I understand your position and why you have done what you have done. But the fact remains that she filed for public assistance. Once she did that, she changed the whole dynamic.

Did she consult with you about giving her more money before filing? But once she filed, SHE got the government involved.

wetlake123 · Oct 15, 2013, 03:04 PM

She was on it before I ever met her. She has a child with a bum that won't work but under the table. He pays her $100 a month in support. She had a decent job when I met her but quit it once she had the baby because she had enough money for about 8 months of living.

Originally Posted by ScottGem

No it doesn't change anything as far as a court is concerned. I understand your position and why you have done what you have done. But the fact remains that she filed for public assistance. Once she did that, she changed the whole dynamic.

Did she consult with you about giving her more money before filing? But once she filed, SHE got the government involved.

wetlake123 · Oct 15, 2013, 03:05 PM

As far as telling me if she filed for child support. No she didn't tell me until after she got a reply from the state.

Originally Posted by wetlake123

Shje was on it before I ever met her. She has a child with a bum that won't work but under the table. He pays her 0 a month in support. She had a decent job when I met her but quit it once she had the baby because she had enough money for about 8 months of living.

ScottGem · Oct 15, 2013, 03:29 PM

Not filing for support. She hasn't done that. But did she tell you she was filing for public assistance. It's the state that is going to file for support to be reimbursed for what they are giving her for assistance.

wetlake123 · Oct 15, 2013, 03:42 PM

We didn't discuss it because we had 2 primary insurance companies and medicade was a third. I didn't understand it all. I have never used assistance of any sort. I didn't sign up for it and we didn't live together so I never
Asked her about it.

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Not filing for support. She hasn't done that. But did she tell you she was filing for public assistance. It's the state that is going to file for support to be reimbursed for what they are giving her for assistance.

ScottGem · Oct 15, 2013, 03:53 PM

In your original post you said she got a letter from the state telling her they want to go after you for support. So she has not filed nor is she planning to. Like I said, it's the state looking for reimbursement of taxpayer money paid to her.

wetlake123 · Oct 15, 2013, 04:02 PM

What she told me was she went down and filed for support just in case our relationship didn't work out. That our child would be taken care of as if I would abandon her . This was a surprise to me. I was rather angry that she didn't talk to me about this and took my right as a father to freely support my child as a parent and took it upon herself to do this without my consent. Its really fishy to me because I'm a active and supportive father and partner to the mother. I cook diners and we are always together. I didn't know about the state going after me for reimbursement of the money/support she told them she needed until I was on this site.

Originally Posted by ScottGem

In your original post you said she got a letter from the state telling her they want to go after you for support. So she has not filed nor is she planning to. Like I said, it's the state looking for reimbursement of taxpayer money paid to her.

ScottGem · Oct 15, 2013, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by wetlake123

What she told me was she went down and filed for support just in case our relationship didn't work out. That our child would be taken care of as if I would abandon her . This was a surprise to me. I was rather angry that she didn't talk to me about this and took my right as a father to freely support my child as a parent and took it upon herself to do this without my consent.

That's not what you said initially.

My comment here is what makes you think you have a "right as a father to freely support my child as a parent"? You have no such right. You have both a moral (which I think you feel) and a legal OBLIGATION to support your child. Up to now we have only heard your side of the story. Now you have given us a glimpse into her side.

Apparently things are not as amiable as you have portrayed. She feared you might abandon her. Or maybe its just that she has been burned before and is gun shy. I don't know but those are possibilities.

The bottom line here is you wanted to keep the courts out this. I don't know if your motives were pure or you figured it would cost you more if the courts awarded her support. Now she has exercised her right to legally compel you to fulfill your obligation. And you will have to deal with it.

J_9 · Oct 15, 2013, 05:21 PM

You need to go to Friend of the Court posthaste and have this taken care of legally. Michigan does not take any of this lightly and WILL jail you if necessary.

dontknownuthin · Oct 17, 2013, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by cdad

I have a better one for you. Lets say the courts accept them as child support payments. But since they weren't enough to meet the standard level of support he will owe the difference in arrears. All of this could have been avoided had it been taken care of when first starting.

Yes... I should have pointed out that the court could determine it wasn't enough. As for the amount, the OP should understand that when you already have an obligation to other children, that is typically taken into account in determining the support amount. If they think you are helping her defraud welfare... that's another kettle of fish.

Why not hire a lawyer and proactively fix this before anyone gets in trouble?

wetlake123 · Oct 17, 2013, 05:24 PM

Thank you I'm going to do that.

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Yes... I should have pointed out that the court could determine it wasn't enough. As for the amount, the OP should understand that when you already have an obligation to other children, that is typically taken into account in determining the support amount. If they think you are helping her defraud welfare... that's another kettle of fish.

Why not hire a lawyer and proactively fix this before anyone gets in trouble?