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    WomanKS's Avatar
    WomanKS Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 5, 2013, 10:33 PM
    Should I put effort into trying to get back my ex?
    So my about over a month ago my ex broke up with me because they felt as though I am very jealous and that I don't put effort into the relationship. I apologized and told him I would be different, but he never accepted my apology. We still hung out though like every weekend and stuff, but he still was acting upset at me and whenever I brought up the idea of us getting back together he said he doesn't know when or if we will get back together. So I just awful and felt like seeing him without being in a relationship with him was torture for me. I also felt like it was becoming a waste of my time since he was still so hostile. I then told him that I don't want to see him or talk to him unless we are back in a relationship. After I told him that he didn't call me and I didn't call him for about a week. Then one say he called me like 20 times just trying to ask me if I am done for good because he said he just thought we were on a break not an actual break-up. I finally called him back and he told me that by me ignoring his calls he is less interested in getting back together and that he is tired of the back and forth . He said that if I want him back then I should be friends with him, put effort and prove to him that I changed. He said that by not talking to him is proving that I am not willing to put effort.

    What should I do? Should I do no contact rule or will that push him away more? If I do see and hang out with him as friends will that even make him want to get back with me or is it an excuse for him to have me without a commitment?

    What is the best thing to do to get him back?
    jakester's Avatar
    jakester Posts: 582, Reputation: 165
    Senior Member
     
    #2

    Oct 6, 2013, 08:06 AM
    Well, quite frankly, what do you want? Do you want to stay or do you want to go?

    Secondly, is your ex right about you? Are you too jealous and do you fail to put any effort into the relationship?

    I find that most of the time people say they will change for somebody else to accommodate the relationship but they never do. You have to want to change yourself because you find that there is something about you that needs changing. Simply saying you will change to make somebody else happy yields very little change at all, because it didn't come from within your own heart.

    If I were you and I really wanted to make the relationship work, I would ask my ex to sit down with me and tell me from her vantage point, how I was selfish and how I failed to put effort into the relationship. I wouldn't be defensive, I would simply let my ex speak and really try to understand where she is coming from. Then I would decide whether she was right about it and figure out what I could do to change that behavior in myself. But I think it would be best to put some time between us so that I can reflect on things.

    Maybe that is what you both need is time and space. I don't think remaining in contact with each other right now seems good at all based upon the interactions you are having. You guys are playing with each other and being quite immature with each others feelings and emotions. Start being honest and direct with each other and cut out the games.

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