[Fakie17]

We have been dating for 18month. We recently (2 months ago) moved in with each other. I have been pretty much living at her parents place for 8 months before hand. Everything was so perfect, we are amazing together. Sometimes when she wanted to go party etc with her friends I would get weird and scared in case she met someone else or something happened to her.
After she went away for a week with work we went home to visit family. When I went to pick her up so we could drive back to our place she said she didn't want it anymore and I had had all the chances I was to have. I didn't realise it had gotten like this and didn't realise she felt so trapped and controlled.

I have gone to my parents place for a few days to give her some space. I love her so much, we had talked about marriage and everything, we were so in love. I know that if she have me one last chance it would work. She's 18 I'm 25. I really thinks she is the one for me our connection is Amazing.

I have been home for a day now but it's killing me. Her sister has told her to give me another chance, I'm praying she will.

Please give me any advice of what u should do? Should I head back in 3/4 days and talk with her?

What do I say? I want to prove to her I can change and not be so controlling.

[talaniman]

She doesn't feel the same and your overprotective smothering was probably worse than when she was at home. I highly suggest you leave her alone until you have changed and not just are willing to change and for yourself, not for her. That could take a long time and a lot of work, easier said than done.

So don't make it worse by making empty promises and nothing to base them on. You may have lost the girl, but you don't have to lose your dignity, and self respect too. Then you would feel even worse.

[Fakie17]

Thank you for the above. Please can anyone else shed some light on what I should do?

[Jake2008]

I think you stated the problem when you said, " I didn't realise it had gotten like this and didn't realise she felt so trapped and controlled."

That, is the problem.

But, it could have nothing to do with you, as a person, or boyfriend. It could mean that she feels 'trapped and controlled' by her own decisions. After such a short time living together, she is more likely than not, not ready to be in a serious long term relationship, and feels trapped because of it.

Her feeling you are controlling, probably means her situation is controlling her, not you directly.

If, on the other hand, there were serious issues that you missed, or there were problems with money, or the two of you didn't communicate your needs and wants effectively, it could be any number of things, or combination of things.

If she did not indicate she was unhappy with you, or she didn't appear to be distant, controlling, angry, annoyed, critical, suspicious, or jealous, then it is probably again, her own decisions to take that step in moving in together in a more permanent relationship, that she cannot accept.

It would be nice if she let you know, but perhaps it's easier for her to think that you were all wrong, and responsible for the breakup, rather than to woman up, and simply tell the truth.

Either way, I would tread carefully, and not accept 100% of the blame, until she initiates contact. IF that happens, consider it an opportunity to judge her character by what she says, more than by what she does.

[Fakie17]

I think you stated the problem when you said, " I didn't realise it had gotten like this and didn't realise she felt so trapped and controlled."

That, is the problem.

But, it could have nothing to do with you, as a person, or boyfriend. It could mean that she feels 'trapped and controlled' by her own decisions. After such a short time living together, she is more likely than not, not ready to be in a serious long term relationship, and feels trapped because of it.

Her feeling you are controlling, probably means her situation is controlling her, not you directly.

If, on the other hand, there were serious issues that you missed, or there were problems with money, or the two of you didn't communicate your needs and wants effectively, it could be any number of things, or combination of things.

If she did not indicate she was unhappy with you, or she didn't appear to be distant, controlling, angry, annoyed, critical, suspicious, or jealous, then it is probably again, her own decisions to take that step in moving in together in a more permanent relationship, that she cannot accept.

It would be nice if she let you know, but perhaps it's easier for her to think that you were all wrong, and responsible for the breakup, rather than to woman up, and simply tell the truth.

Either way, I would tread carefully, and not accept 100% of the blame, until she initiates contact. IF that happens, consider it an opportunity to judge her character by what she says, more than by what she does.

Thank you, that is very good advice. I will take if all on board. We never argue, nothing 'bad' happened such as cheating etc. Such a pain! Moved all that way and now in left to pick up this mess.

[tiggerella]

Don't look at this break up as a failure for either of you. Look at it as a learning experience. Take the time while you're apart to look deep inside yourself and try to understand why you feel the need to "get weird and scared in case she met someone else or something happened to her". Have you had an experience in which something happened to someone you cared about when they went somewhere without you that you're now projecting onto her? Even though your "connection is Amazing", there is a very real possibility that some part of you wonders if she feels the same way, because otherwise, you wouldn't be so worried about her meeting someone else who might take your place.

I'm sure you've probably seen that old saying about "If you love something, set it free." Give her the space she's requested to come to terms with her own thoughts and feelings, and just be there for her to talk to if she feels the need to do so. Pushing at this point, even for her to just stay in touch because you love her and are concerned for her well being, may be the end of your relationship. If she really feels that you aren't the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with, there won't be anything you can say or do to change her mind on that, and pushing will just result in you pushing her farther away...

You are, I'm very sure, the perfect soul mate for someone out there. Although you feel you've found your soul mate, it's obvious from what you've said that your girlfriend doesn't feel the same. Take this time away from her and examine your inner self, but don't be too critical. As Jake2008 pointed out, you shouldn't shoulder 100% of the blame. Consider that this is a good time for this to happen, before there's a house that you loved that you need to sell and give her half of the profit from, or children for the court to have to settle as to who gets custody.

For all you know, this may be Fate stepping in. You may step around a corner tomorrow and come face-to-face with a lovely young woman who is your true soul mate and who will love everything about you - even your need to worry about her when she goes places without you.

Good luck!

[Fakie17]

Don't look at this break up as a failure for either of you. Look at it as a learning experience. Take the time while you're apart to look deep inside yourself and try to understand why you feel the need to "get weird and scared in case she met someone else or something happened to her". Have you had an experience in which something happened to someone you cared about when they went somewhere without you that you're now projecting onto her? Even though your "connection is Amazing", there is a very real possibility that some part of you wonders if she feels the same way, because otherwise, you wouldn't be so worried about her meeting someone else who might take your place.

I'm sure you've probably seen that old saying about "If you love something, set it free." Give her the space she's requested to come to terms with her own thoughts and feelings, and just be there for her to talk to if she feels the need to do so. Pushing at this point, even for her to just stay in touch because you love her and are concerned for her well being, may be the end of your relationship. If she really feels that you aren't the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with, there won't be anything you can say or do to change her mind on that, and pushing will just result in you pushing her farther away....

You are, I'm very sure, the perfect soul mate for someone out there. Although you feel you've found your soul mate, it's obvious from what you've said that your girlfriend doesn't feel the same. Take this time away from her and examine your inner self, but don't be too critical. As Jake2008 pointed out, you shouldn't shoulder 100% of the blame. Consider that this is a good time for this to happen, before there's a house that you loved that you need to sell and give her half of the profit from, or children for the court to have to settle as to who gets custody.

For all you know, this may be Fate stepping in. You may step around a corner tomorrow and come face-to-face with a lovely young woman who is your true soul mate and who will love everything about you - even your need to worry about her when she goes places without you.

Good luck!

Thank you so much! You have made me feel so much better you have no idea.

I don't even know you but thank you. Some people on the Internet are the best.

[talaniman]

You cannot control her, or her feelings, or actions, but you can examine your own, and control what you do about them. Build a life that YOU enjoy, with friends, family, and activities that make YOU happy.

That's what you do. Easier said than done, and a lot of hard work for sure, but the rewards are HUMONGUS! Be happy without her.