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chuckles10 · Sep 23, 2013, 08:46 PM

I'm in my mid 20s and my boss is in her mid 30s. We are 7 years apart in age.

I have been working with her for 3 months now.

She runs a team with many other people in it but I work for her directly.

Are these signals?

1) She is very open with me about her personal life.

2) She is very open with me about her intimate life.

3) When we do sit together in the office she is very close and she jokingly says "Sorry for sitting so close and being all in your business". During which there is friendly arm grabbing, shoulder touching and I could've sworn she might've been playing footsies.

4) She does call me and text me outside of the office but it usually is business-related or stress-related due to business. These conversations are held on our personal phones.

5) We just very recently took a week business trip for two, during which I became privy too much more than business-related topics with her.

6) She does have an older guy friend that she occasionally hangs out with but she is comfortable enough to fill me in on all the going ons between them. And I too have been recently comfortable to fill her in on my female friendly relationships.

7) Now this is where gets confusing because she's my boss but she does or she has told me her sexual needs and how often a woman her age needs to be intimate.

I will be honest there have been times where she has said things to me that I honestly blush and I'm not quite sure on how to correctly respond. Now I can guarantee you these things she has not shared with anyone else in our office because HR would have a field day if they were aware.

Here are a few other things I feel I should mention:

A) She's constantly is leaning or bending down in front of me showing me her cleavage and politely acting as if she's adjusting.

B) There has been many times where I have been given a glimpse of her thongs. "Side note, don't women do that because they want you to see their thongs? I mean don't they realize it's hanging out as they lean or bend?"

C) Don't ask, but I am all too aware on what type of porn she watches. Not even sure how that came up in our conversations.

Here is what makes me think this is all in my head:

1) She depends on me heavily in a professional way - so maybe all this touching and familiarity is related only to that.

2) I am her ally on the team (politically she doesn't get on well with some others) - so again maybe that's what the touching and inclusive knowledge is all about.

3) Most damning of all, she is a little psycho and that could be why she's just openly letting me know all these things about her and that could be the major reason why I haven't done anything yet; Especially during our trip. However I find it to be hot and exciting.

I want to see things as they are and not what is going on in my head.

Is this Low Interest Level and me yet again reading too much into her touching and her openness?

Again, I appreciate objective opinions. I am really bothered that she may like me only in a professional way or that I could end up regretting not making any moves during our business trip.

J_9 · Sep 23, 2013, 08:49 PM

This could also be construed as sexual harassment in the workplace. Tread lightly.

Wondergirl · Sep 23, 2013, 08:52 PM

I would squelch this as nicely and firmly as I could and turn it into business only. The second worst thing to do is have a romantic relationship with a coworker The worst is having one with a supervisor.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 23, 2013, 09:08 PM

You need to leave this alone. This is sexual harassment on her part and if you make a pass at her, she can say you are being inappropriate. Distance yourself from all this talk and foolishness

chuckles10 · Sep 23, 2013, 09:08 PM

I completely understand. However I wanted to know if the signs point to her being into me or if I am reading way to into this whole topic.

Selfishly it is for my own peace of mind.

J_9 · Sep 23, 2013, 09:12 PM

I say the signs point to her being sexually exploitative. If it's not you, it will be the next guy on the job.

Distance yourself and make it only about business if you wish to keep your job.

chuckles10 · Sep 23, 2013, 09:13 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You need to leave this alone. This is sexual harassment on her part and if you make a pass at her, she can say you are being inappropriate. Distance yourself from all this talk and foolishness

You are without a doubt probably right. I appreciate the warning. But I am not interested in pursuing.. I think it's more along the lines am I correct in my initial thoughts of the signs.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 23, 2013, 09:13 PM

As forward as she is with you, If she was really into you, I think she would let you know. She could be seeing if you would make a pass which would be wrong. Or she could just be a jerk of a boss.

Jake2008 · Sep 24, 2013, 06:22 AM

It is because you are unsure of what her behavior means toward you, that she is able to take advantage of you. Keep you as a little puppet, and eventually work you into whatever scheme she has in mind- probably ' companionship'.

If you had told her upfront, before it got this far, that you are uncomfortable hearing about her sex life, etc. she would have stopped, and moved onto the next sap.

But, you don't seem to get that it is workplace harassment, because she is your boss and you are her employee of much less power and control.

If you think she is merely mentioning all the lurid details of her life because it has something to do with work (? ) you are setting yourself up.

Your instincts are not very good. She is the hunter, and you are the prey.

talaniman · Sep 24, 2013, 06:45 AM

She may well have a crush or an attraction to you. But make no mistake she also has a lot of power over you as well. As your boss she can use you for her purposes, and throw you away at a whim.

This relationship best stay strictly business for the simple fact its very UNEQUAL. Likely, she is bringing you closer, with charm and flirting as a test of your character, or putting you in a very vulnerable position to be used.

But no, she isn't into you as a long term romance so forget that. Don't even get smitten. A lot about her you do not know, and keep what you do know to YOURSELF. Trust me if she hears a whiff of what she has shared with you through the grapevine or water cooler gossip, you will be toast.

Others may already be talking.

tickle · Sep 24, 2013, 06:55 AM

My take on this is to run very fast the other way. Quite frankly she sounds like she is not all there. Maybe psycho.

Jake2008 · Sep 24, 2013, 08:01 AM

Your question here was, "Is my female boss into me". Your question wasn't, 'what do I do about inappropriate behavior from my boss', or 'my boss makes me feel uncomfortable with her sexual comments', or, 'how do I stop this without losing my job'.

It seems you want to simply know if your boss is into you. That leads me to think that you are very aware of what she's doing, and you are not prepared to put a stop to it.

So, you are setting yourself up for disaster, with your eyes wide open, and not as naïve as you make yourself sound. You actually sound very immature and I wonder if you aren't more than 7 years in age difference with your boss. That could only be the explanation to you being so blind to what is going on. Inexperience, and perhaps not stopping the behavior because you like it.

I have no idea.

Other than to say, you will have to likely learn the hard way.

N0help4u · Sep 24, 2013, 08:09 AM

No she is not into you like you might hope. She is only seeing you as another trophy for her bed.

Cat1864 · Sep 24, 2013, 08:41 AM

2) I am her ally on the team (politically she doesn't get on well with some others) - so again maybe that's what the touching and inclusive knowledge is all about.

I think you are learning why politically she doesn't get on well with some others. She appears to be trying to keep you as an ally by distracting you and keeping you off balance. What happened to the last person who held your position? Who is attempting to take her position away from her? I think this goes far beyond sex and into office politics.

She is your boss, not your friend. Stop allowing her to play games with your mind and libido while treating you like her girlfriend. Your job may be hanging in the balance.

tickle · Sep 24, 2013, 10:01 AM

Some of the personal information she imparted to you is actually TMI. No one in a business environment, YOUR BOSS, for heavens sake should NOT be discussing VERY personal issues with someone she has to direct. How the heck did she get into a position of responsibility?

Take a step back and ask yourself why you find her credible, why you find her even attractive.

How do you actually feel about carrying on a business relationship with her now that you know her sexual preferences?

animepierced · Sep 24, 2013, 10:07 AM

XDDDDDD lol... but for real quit your job... xDDD

chuckles10 · Sep 24, 2013, 10:11 AM

After reading all the recent comments I can see how dangerous and damaging it is to continue the current work environment.

I must slowly eliminate opportunities for which these conversational/physical interactions occur. I think it is obvious as much as I want to deny that I enjoyed the attention, it cannot go any further. She is my boss and I am her subordinate. I went into posting this Question with the hope of better understanding if she was into. However now it is more apparent there is a plethora of reasons to not continue this mod of thinking.

Cat1864 · Sep 24, 2013, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by chuckles10

After reading all the recent comments I can see how dangerous and damaging it is to continue the current work environment.

I must slowly eliminate opportunities for which these conversational/physical interactions occur. I think it is obvious as much as I want to deny that I enjoyed the attention, it cannot go any further. She is my boss and I am her subordinate. I went into posting this Question with the hope of better understanding if she was into. However now it is more apparent there is a plethora of reasons to not continue this mod of thinking.

Putting your relationship on a firm work only footing is for the best. If she continues to behave like this, you may need to think about filing a complaint and/or reassignment to another office.

Good luck.

I wish · Sep 27, 2013, 11:38 AM

You can also keep this very simple. She's your boss, so treat her like one. It doesn't matter how she treats you, as long as you keep things professional on your part.

If you have feelings for her and want to pursue something further, it's pretty obvious that you will need to change jobs (hopefully that wouldn't be too difficult) so that you won't have this conflict of interest problem. I think the other did well in explaining how messy it is to date a co-worker or a boss.

If you like your job, then find someone else to date romantically and focus on treating her like a boss.