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loveangel170591 · Sep 23, 2013, 07:41 AM

Hello all.

I am hoping someone out there can help with my situation I have landed myself in.
I have been with my current partner X for almost 2 years now. He lives with me in my apartment and things a generally good. Whew we first met it was so intense and loving feelings took over both of us so quickly.. . I thought he was the one!!

the only problem noxious I have developed feelings for my colleague. He is smart, sexy funny and very charming in my eyes. Everyday now when I go to work I feel such a high when he walks in.. . We talk endlessly and I think of him often at home. I have tried for a long time to get him out of my head and focus on my partner but it's just getting worse. My current partner is the same day in day out. Has very few friends and he never takes me out. I feel like if I stay with him I can see my life Ellis before me. Boring without much money, kids and etc. the other guy is successful and said he thinks we would be so good together.

What do you people think?

if my partner was the one, would my heart have tried to some oneeelse??

ASK ME ANYTHING.

H

beplmi · Sep 23, 2013, 07:50 AM

I am in that same situation. My boyfriend has become more dull as the time went on and other men have entered my eyes, that does not mean I don't love my BF. I think in every relationship there comes that time when the excitement dwindles down and your left with the same boring events of the everyday life. In order to fix that you need to spice things up. Get your partner to notice you, to take you out. If nothing changes and you still can look at other people than maybe he isn't the "one." New relationships are always fun and exciting at first. Don't ruin something that may be good because you're feeling bored.

How old are you? Age can play a role in this as well.

loveangel170591 · Sep 23, 2013, 08:04 AM

Hi :)

Thank you for your reply.
I am 22 years old. My partner is 28.. . The crush is even older at 38.
I stated to wonder if I should try with the new guy? But then I would have cheated and I have never done that. Plus my partner would be crushed.

N0help4u · Sep 23, 2013, 08:15 AM

A. Just because this NEW guy shows interest doesn't mean he wants in a relationship with you. B. At one time your current boyfriend made you feel the same way this new guy does now.SO one day this new guy could become same day in and dayout. C. Why don't you try working on changing same old same old by trying to make things better in what you already got?

Moral of the story don't drop the bone you now have in the water for a reflection you think is better.

Oliver2011 · Sep 23, 2013, 08:17 AM

When you have a situation like this to justify it in your mind you are going to remember all the bad things about the current partner, and see only the good things about the potential partner. If you are honest about it with yourself, you probably felt that way 2 years ago with the current partner since you did say you thought he was the one.

Regardless of how you feel the current partner doesn't deserve to be cheated on. So be honest with him if you decide to go forward with the potential one. But then be honest with yourself - there will be aspects about the potential one when you get to the one and two year marks. There always is. But love is about accepting the faults of the person we committed to.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 23, 2013, 08:27 AM

It appears you should be with neither of them, if you can not decide, you should be alone till you can decide. But you really should not have been getting into this with a new person, as long as you were with someone else.

Cat1864 · Sep 23, 2013, 08:50 AM

I think you need to realize that you are cheating on your boyfriend emotionally if you haven't crossed the line physically. Talking to the colleague about how the two of you would be as a couple goes beyond harmless flirting or conversations.

If you are unhappy in your relationship, talk to your partner. Don't confront or place blame. Do explain how you are feeling and what you need. Listen to him when he speaks. Together decide how to move forward together or apart.

Leave the other man alone. Your attraction to him is a symptom of your relationship issues. He is excitement and fun. You haven't spent years cleaning his dirty underwear or worrying about paying bills. Life ends to dull even the most passionate relationships.

IF you and X decide that you are too far apart to make the relationship work, then do not rush into New Guy's arms. Do not leave X for New Guy. Leave the relationship because it isn't working. Get your own place. Unpack the emotional baggage. Let the past go and give yourself time to heal. You may not think you need it. But if you do not take time to examine and maybe tweak your expectations and relearn how to stand on your own two feet and give yourself support, you will be repeating this situation with the next person.

The only person you can change is yourself. You can talk to your partner, but if he does not see a need to change you cannot make him also any changes he makes will not stick. Ultimately, you have to make decisions that are best for you. Be careful and take time to think through your choices.

loveangel170591 · Sep 23, 2013, 09:17 AM

Thank you all for your answers, all of you are spot on with the replies.

Have any of you ever been in this situation?
Or a similar one?

I want to try with my current partner, after all everything we have together would be thrown away over a distraction. I would personally never forget myself and would regret it for a long time. Why is it I am looking the other way? I thought when I found love I would be set. It just gets more complicated as times goes on. Ahhh sigh :(

Perhaps the new guy is just a test for myself?

loveangel170591 · Sep 23, 2013, 09:21 AM

Thank you cat for you response. What you have said seems to the truth about my situation. I do take care of him with the washing and ever thing else. Maybe this is what sometimes happens when we all get caught up in the daily routine. Perhaps I will spice things up in the bedroom.

Have you been in this situation yourself. You talk very well in this. H

Cat1864 · Sep 23, 2013, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by loveangel170591

Thank you all for your answers, all of you are spot on with the replies.

Have any of you ever been in this situation?
Or a similar one?

I want to try with my current partner, after all everything we have together would be thrown away over a distraction. I would personally never forget myself and would regret it for a long time. Why is it I am looking the other way? I thought when I found love I would be set. It just gets more complicated as times goes on. Ahhh sigh :(

Perhaps the new guy is just a test for myself?

This may sound cheesy but it has gotten me through over 27 years of marriage.

Love is the only emotion people expect to last throughout everything Life can throw at them without putting more energy or effort into keeping it alive. There is a reason fire is a symbol for love. Even the largest forest fire will burn itself out with new energy being added. A candle flame needs to tended and protected or it dies. Personally, I think of it as a garden. It needs care or it get overrun with weeds.

It sounds like both you and X have become complacent and are in a rut. You need to nurture the love. Do little things to show you love him because it feeds the love in you. Talk with him about what you can do together to get the weeds out and let the Love flourish and bloom.

There is a song that comes to mind when things look a bit rough, "If you ever want to see a rainbow, you gotta stand a little rain." If you can work together, this will be a nothing more than a Spring shower.

Good luck.