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pickels87 · Sep 15, 2013, 11:28 PM

How do you get out of the friend zone when you have been there for 7 years. I have been in love with this girl from the moment I first saw her, and I just want her to know that.

To be honest I'm not even sure I want a relationship with her. If something were to happen and we split up I would lose my best friend. I am totally fine with having to live like this as long as I get to have her in my life. It's just getting really hard.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2013, 07:39 AM

Just tell her how you feel and see what happens. What do you have to lose.

Oliver2011 · Sep 16, 2013, 08:20 AM

If you can't figure out what you want, then why make changes to the relationship you have now with her? Telling her you love her but "oh and I don't want a relationship" will do more harm than good.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2013, 09:36 AM

Good point Oliver. If you don't even know what you want, what is the point in telling her anything.

I wish · Sep 16, 2013, 01:27 PM

If you were truly that good friends, then confessing your feelings would not get in the way of the friendship. If anything, it might strengthen your friendship because you won't be hiding your secret feelings from her anyway.

Look at it this way, if you tell her how you feel, you might actually be together and you have a chance of being happy together.

If you end up together and you break up, if you were truly meant to be friends, you would find a way to stay friends and at least you gave each other a chance to be happy.

If she rejects you, then you can stop wondering the "what ifs" and you can actually just be normal friends.

But if you keep hiding your feelings from her, then you will be asking yourself the same question that you have been asking for the past 7 years. "What if" you ended up together?

pickels87 · Sep 16, 2013, 07:41 PM

Here's the thing. I don't really care about my happiness. Just hers. And we have already been making long term plans to move to another state together here in a couple years. A few years ago we almost got together but we thought it would just be weird. And there was this one drunken night where things got physical last year. But when she gets into relationships they never really last that long. And then she always hates her ex. I would rather suffer through this than lose her. Of course I want a relationship with her. Its just about all I can think about most days. I'm just terrified that I could lose her in my life. She is the single most important thing in my life

N0help4u · Sep 16, 2013, 07:57 PM

Why not tell her you really have grown deep feelings for her and you would be interested in her being your girlfriend but you worry that if you broke up you would lose her as a friend. Let her know your feelings and see how she responds

talaniman · Sep 16, 2013, 10:29 PM

Have you had any girlfriends during this time? Dated?

pickels87 · Sep 16, 2013, 10:36 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Have you had any girlfriends during this time? Dated?

Yeah I was actually in a pretty serious long term relationship. But it didn't work out pretty much because this was always in the back of my mind.

talaniman · Sep 16, 2013, 10:52 PM

You better talk to her honestly because a friendship that causes problems in your life is unhealthy. Get this out of your system and it's a risk, a big one, but you need a resolution so you can enjoy your life whatever the outcome.

Wrapping your life around a best friend you want more than friendship from and putting their happiness above your own is not a healthy way to be friends. Even if things get weird and awkward once the truth comes out, its got to be a better place building your own life and happiness without her presence and influence than to be tortured by being so close but never having what you want from her.

How old are you both?

pickels87 · Sep 16, 2013, 11:55 PM

I guess what I'm really asking is how do I tell her this. How do I tell her that she is all that I can think about. How do I tell her that all I really want at the end of the day is just to hold her in my arms? How do I make it clear that I really and truly love her. I had gon years without seeing her or even speaking to her and she was still the last thought on my mind when ii went to sleep. I want to tell her I just don't know how. I got to tell you it scares the hell out of me
The kind of person I am I always put others before myself. And I am terrified of speaking to people, with the exception of her. But this is something else entirely.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 17, 2013, 05:11 AM

Sounds like an unhealthy fixation to me. Take a chance and tell her how you feel. Get this off your chest so you can move on one way or another.

I wish · Sep 17, 2013, 12:41 PM

A simple way to tell her is the tell her the truth. What you told us sounds great. Tell her that you really care about her and you do think about being a couple, but you are also scared that it could ruin the friendship and you value the friendship a lot. Then wait for her reaction. Honesty goes a long way.

Besides, if you really want a long lasting romantic relationship with her, honesty is going to be a key.

If you want a long last friendship with her, honestly is also key.

As a result, I would say, don't over think this because honesty is the key.

pickels87 · Sep 17, 2013, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You better talk to her honestly because a friendship that causes problems in your life is unhealthy. Get this out of your system and its a risk, a big one, but you need a resolution so you can enjoy your life whatever the outcome.

Wrapping your life around a best friend you want more than friendship from and putting their happiness above your own is not a healthy way to be friends. Even if things get weird and awkward once the truth comes out, its got to be a better place building your own life and happiness without her presence and influence than to be tortured by being so close but never having what you want from her.

How old are you both?

She's 21 and I'm 25