[ninja81]

Long story short, Im in a relationship 'fwb sort' & its been going on for almost a year now. In the beginning I practically fell for him so I told him which seemed to push him away so I carried on with life. The nxt month I heard frm him again & the story continues. In the past month he has me staying the night, grasping me tight in bed & always told me deep things about his personal life. He's called me darl etc, gives all the long gazes that makes me smile, kisses me upon arrival, hugs me frm behind even, and a kiss upon leaving. I'm wanting to just ask him how he feels about 'us' as previously he's said 'just take things as it comes, don't push into things' what the heck does that mean??
Any advice...

[laurajanjennyjo]

It means different things to different people, but working on my own experience;

That usually means the person does not want to get into a serious relationship. This could be for a couple of reasons;

a) They have already had a few relationships that were rushed or didn't work out, and they want to take the next one a bit slower to give it a better chance of lasting.

b) They just don't want to be in a serious relationship, with you.

I usually assume it's B because there aren't many of us who can actually control our feelings like that and choose to take things slow. Usually if we like someone enough then all our principles and safeguards go out the window. So whenever anyone would tell me they “didn't want a serious relationship” I would always add onto the end of that “with you”, and that was always accurate in my own experience. So firstly I think you should ask yourself, which one is it, honestly? He has told you things about his life which seem intimate, so has he told you anything to make you believe it is A? If not then it's probably B.

Now you always have the right in any kind of relationship to ask how the other person feels. It can seem like you should just keep your trap shut and not say anything so you don't rock the boat, this might be what the other person wants, but you are in the relationship too, so you have that right to ask for clarification. So you shouldn't feel bad about asking him. You could just ask “just tell me so I know; do you have any feelings for me that go beyond sleeping with me or not?” you are probably most likely to get an honest response out of him if you tell him you don't mind if he doesn't as long as he is honest and you know. Even though that might not be true. Obviously the not knowing is hurting you, so you need to know by any means. If the answer is no then at least you can focus on getting over him rather than delaying that process, which might be inevitable.

From what you have said, that you already told him how you feel in the beginning, I would take that to mean he knows now, and he has a green light, should he want it, to reciprocate. However, he might wonder now whether you still feel that way or not, he might be unsure as to whether to admit his strong feelings for you, he might be afraid of embarrassing himself. You know him, so you will know whether that sounds like him or not. On the other hand he could just simply not reciprocate and is just getting more comfortable with you. You say he hugs you tightly etc. so it does sound like he is attached in some way, but that might not be emotional, it might just be physical.

So from what I've said, do you have any thoughts on how this man, whom you know personally, would feel?

[ninja81]

Wow.. am speechless never thought that abroad of the situation. I do however know for a fact were both only seeing each other, maybe my emotions are going off the rails. Thanks for your time I appreciate it muchly xx

[laurajanjennyjo]

Well glad to help, I've been through this myself.

You're emotions could be getting off the rails yes, so I hope you think about it and make sure you handle it well. I've certainly let stuff like this get to me to the point of hysterics, it's easy to get into that kind of place when you let your emotions rule you.

Good luck.xx

[joypulv]

I don't understand fwb at all. Girls and women usually are the ones who are hurt after they fall for the person they are having casual sex with. Chances are good that this guy says sweet things to you for ONE reason only, and that is to keep you coming back for easy, unencumbered sex. There is the possibility that he could evolve into someone who truly cares, but I'll bet even he doesn't know what he wants yet, and it could take years.
So you have a choice to make. I'd leave, and break all contact, so that he can't sweet talk you into one more week or month or year. Just tell him that you are a woman who needs a more traditional relationship that has all the little steps toward a solid future.

[ninja81]

.. what if, when it comes to a child & he says 'wait till nxt year'?

[laurajanjennyjo]

A child? Are you talking about having children with him? You two aren't even in a proper relationship, why are you thinking about that?

I said, if you ask him and he isn't clear about your future, you have to ask why that is, is it because he is truly waiting to take things further, or because he doesn't want to be with you ultimately?

Where did kids come from?

[ninja81]

Well like I mentioned in the beginning 'to cut a long story short' there have been a couple of incidents where pregnancy was high but lucky for us it was all clear. HE mentioned 'wait till nxt yr' not me. I'm content with what I have..

[joypulv]

Ditto to laurajanjennyjo! Gasp. This is a leap you shouldn't even be starting to think about. How old are you?? What birth control are you using??

[laurajanjennyjo]

"I'm wanting to just ask him how he feels about 'us' as previously he's said 'just take things as it comes, dnt push into things' wtf does that mean??!" --- is what you first said, now you say "He said wait 'til next year"? --- To me, that is a sign he does want a future with you, so I suggest you talk that out completely and ask him what is going on, because all you are going to get here is speculation, while from him you will get a direct answer.

"Im in a relationship 'fwb sort'" and " I'm content with what I have .." --- You are content with it, okay then enjoy, but I don't understand your question in that case.

[Homegirl 50]

You are not even happy where you are, you don't even know what kind of relationship you have, why are you talking baby? Why are you having careless sex with him?
This guy likes things as they are and will continue to because you allow it. If you want more than fwb tell him. If he says that's all he wants, leave and please don't think getting pregnant will keep him. That is just reckless.
How old are you?