[Homegirl 50]

You need to get yourself straight before you enter a relationship. Leave this guy alone. This guy could be the most faithful and greatest but because you have issues it won't work . Get some help.

[mashiat]

That question has been merged into this thread. Please do not start new threads asking about the same subject. If you have more questions or want to add additional information do so here.

This is another reason you need time on your own to learn how to be secure in your own thoughts and feelings.



This in no way excuses your behavior however I am wondering if there might be more to your reactions than insecurity over past hurts. What medications are you on and what are they for? Some medications can have side-effects and interactions that can cause minor issues to become major problems. Add into the mix diet, sleeping habits, stress, etc. and you may have more going on than being emotionally unbalanced.

I am wondering if I owe your friends an apology. Did you 'test' him on your own or because friends told you to test him?

Cat1864, you made me laugh like anything... I said he took care of me... and the medications are plain multivitamin pills! ;)

[mashiat]

Ok,so here's what happened...

Me and my guy Ansho were this super happy couple but one day I find him online on Facebook and knock but he doesn't respond... so I called him up to ask why wasn't he replying? Cause he never does that usually. He says he was outside and I could already hear the car honks. So I ask him if he was outside who's online then? Cause he didn't have tab back then? He said that it was apparently is best friend as he had Ansho's password. This hit my EGO; as in why I being his girlfriend don't have his password and his best friend does. I asked Ansho to give me his password which he did rightaway.
But I typed the email ID wrong for 5 days and constantly accused him of lying... this thing was later sort out though. But I have this problem with me.. once I start doubting someone I can't stop suspecting him in every aspect. And especially when it's someone as close as a boyfriend I start becoming a nag.
And this is how things started turning ugly between him and I. Now to him I am someone who's really irritating whereas there was a time when he was frigging crazy about me!

Now this friend of mine says that I shouldn't try getting Ansho back and even if he himself comes back I shouldn't go back because once a relationship starts becoming ugly it never becomes okay!
Therefore,if I go back to him we'll fight again and then it'll hurt more than it does now.

P.S: For now I know Ansho isn't coming back anytime soon cause I hurt his ego real bad but I do feel deep inside that he will come back to me someday and for now I just need to give him a break from me for sometime and as he said I should try turning back to being the girl he actually fell for and mend my ways.


So here's my question...
[Should I keep up the hope that he'll be coming back? Will he actually come back??

[joypulv]

Should you hope? No.
Will he come back? We aren't psychic.
Your insecurities, suspicious nature, and wild accusations are way out of hand.
Relationships involve a lot of compromise, understanding, and thinking before you act.

The story about the password is too confusing but it doesn't matter - it's clear that you would drive anyone away. Time to concentrate on other parts of your life, your future, instead of boys, for now.

[pwooden]

If you asked a girlfriend for her password and it didn't work, wouldn't you just call her back and say: "I think I wrote it down wrong"? Why didn't you think to do that with your boyfriend instead of immediately going crazy on him? Also, why did you get angry that you didn't have the password when you never asked for it? He gave it to you as soon as you asked. He never did anything wrong--you're the one who blew him off. And his friend is right that you need to change before the relationship can work. Unless you're willing to stop being so angry and suspicious over someone who never did anything wrong, things will never get better. You need to do some serious thinking about why you react that way. You could start with giving him an apology.

[talaniman]

You can't keep love alive if you are an out of control immature psycho nag. Give the guy a break and leave him alone and deal with your own personal issues. If he does want a second look and sees the same thing he ran from, he will not go that way again for sure.

[Cat1864]

Your threads have been merged together to keep all the information about this relationship in one place.

P.S: For now I know Ansho isn't coming back anytime soon cause I hurt his ego real bad but I do feel deep inside that he will come back to me someday and for now I just need to give him a break from me for sometime and as he said I should try turning back to being the girl he actually fell for and mend my ways.


So here's my question...
Should I keep up the hope that he'll be coming back? Will he actually come back??

You hurt more than his ego. You damaged his trust and any positive feelings he had for you by playing games and letting your insecurities take over.

Whether he will come back or not, I don't know. I do know that you are not ready for a relationship. Don't worry about him until you have yourself under control.

You do not need his passwords to anything. He should not have given you the password to his Facebook account. You were over the line when you asked for it out of jealousy and insecurity. All he did was feed that insecurity by giving in to your request/demand.

You do not need hope that he will come back. What you need is to decide who you want to be and make the changes for yourself. If you try to change for someone else, it won't work because if they don't respond the way you think they should the changes will come undone and you will be back at square one.

You need to learn how to handle your insecurities. What triggers them? How can you stop them before they cause trouble? Not what he (or anyone else) can do. What can you do? What can you do to help increase your own sense of security so that you aren't expecting someone else to make you feel secure?

It feels good to have someone care for and about you, but that should enhance how you feel inside. It should not take over or replace the support you give yourself. When you have confidence in yourself and your choices then you won't feel the need to test the relationship or listen to well-meaning friends who may have their own reasons for causing problems in your relationship.

[Homegirl 50]

You have some serious issues. Why would you even ask him for his password?
If he is smart, he will leave you alone. If you are smart, you will get yourself together before you get into another relationship. You are not an emotionally healthy person and you certainly are not ready to be in a relationship with someone.

[mashiat]

That question has been merged into this thread. Please do not start new threads asking about the same subject. If you have more questions or want to add additional information do so here.

This is another reason you need time on your own to learn how to be secure in your own thoughts and feelings.



This in no way excuses your behavior however I am wondering if there might be more to your reactions than insecurity over past hurts. What medications are you on and what are they for? Some medications can have side-effects and interactions that can cause minor issues to become major problems. Add into the mix diet, sleeping habits, stress, etc. and you may have more going on than being emotionally unbalanced.

I am wondering if I owe your friends an apology. Did you 'test' him on your own or because friends told you to test him?

I decided to test him myself...

If you asked a girlfriend for her password and it didn't work, wouldn't you just call her back and say: "I think I wrote it down wrong"? Why didn't you think to do that with your boyfriend instead of immediately going crazy on him? Also, why did you get angry that you didn't have the password when you never asked for it? He gave it to you as soon as you asked. He never did anything wrong--you're the one who blew him off. And his friend is right that you need to change before the relationship can work. Unless you're willing to stop being so angry and suspicious over someone who never did anything wrong, things will never get better. You need to do some serious thinking about why you react that way. You could start with giving him an apology.

I used to trust people too easily and that is when I got back stabbed again and again and this is how my nature of suspecting people too much grew.

And I apologised to him... but this time he is not taking back.

[Alty]

No, he's not coming back. No, you shouldn't wait for him to come back, and he'd be a fool to come back. My advice to you hasn't changed since October when you first posted about this. You need serious help before you seek out any relationship.

[Homegirl 50]

Get some help, work on yourself or you will destroy every relationship you get in from now on.

[mashiat]

Your threads have been merged together to keep all the information about this relationship in one place.



You hurt more than his ego. You damaged his trust and any positive feelings he had for you by playing games and letting your insecurities take over.

Whether he will come back or not, I don't know. I do know that you are not ready for a relationship. Don't worry about him until you have yourself under control.

You do not need his passwords to anything. He should not have given you the password to his Facebook account. You were over the line when you asked for it out of jealousy and insecurity. All he did was feed that insecurity by giving in to your request/demand.

You do not need hope that he will come back. What you need is to decide who you want to be and make the changes for yourself. If you try to change for someone else, it won't work because if they don't respond the way you think they should the changes will come undone and you will be back at square one.

You need to learn how to handle your insecurities. What triggers them? How can you stop them before they cause trouble? Not what he (or anyone else) can do. What can you do? What can you do to help increase your own sense of security so that you aren't expecting someone else to make you feel secure?

It feels good to have someone care for and about you, but that should enhance how you feel inside. It should not take over or replace the support you give yourself. When you have confidence in yourself and your choices then you won't feel the need to test the relationship or listen to well-meaning friends who may have their own reasons for causing problems in your relationship.

Well, you are right. He did say that he can no longer trust me and is not sure whether I'm right for him.. He texted me this last night when I asked him for an explanation.

Well, it sure is true that I asked for his password out of jealousy but not because of insecurity cause I still trusted him!

Quote: "He said I should try turning back to being the girl he actually fell for and mend my ways."

My friends say he said that just to make me feel better and stop disturbing him... But his words gave me hopes though after that day it really have any more meaning though...

[Alty]

My friends say he said that just to make me feel better and stop disturbing him... But his words gave me hopes though after that day it really have any more meaning though...

Your friends are right. Remember when you first posted about this? I told you that if you kept this up there would a restraining order in your future. At this point I think that would be the wisest thing for this guy to do, since you will not leave him alone, no matter what.

I really wish he'd come here for advice. The advice I'd give him would be to delete you from all accounts, ignore your calls, and if you continue to harass him, to get a restraining order.

You need to stop this and get into therapy! I can't stress that enough.

[talaniman]

His words and actions should be taken as a warning to leave him alone until you have gotten yourself under control, and dealt with your own issues. I doubt he waits around hoping you do this because he probably feels you will NOT change, and if you do, it may take years.

Forget testing him, and bothering him, test yourself, improve yourself.

[mashiat]

He texted my cousin that he still has feelings for me but he's suppressing them so that I start taking care of myself and change myself in the process too! He asked my cousin not to say this to me but when my cousin saw how broke I was she told about his text... actually showed it to me... He just wants me to change... And he gave me signs that if I change ,i.e. start taking care of myself,study,eat and sleep properly,etc... he'll come back to me... So what I've now decided is... I'll contact him less often now and try and achieve the goals I've set,i.e. the changes he wants in me and when I've achieved them I'll ask him to come back and my heart says he will!! :D :D

[Homegirl 50]

Contact him less often, you should not contact him at all. He may miss you but I think some time away from you and he will be fine.
You have an unhealthy obsession for him and you need to be away from him and work on yourself.

[Cat1864]

He just wants me to change... And he gave me signs that if I change ,i.e. start taking care of myself,study,eat and sleep properly,etc... he'll come back to me... So what I've now decided is... I'll contact him less often now and try and achieve the goals I've set,i.e. the changes he wants in me and when I've achieved them I'll ask him to come back and my heart says he will!! :D :D

This will seem harsh because you still do not understand.

You cannot make changes for other people. You have to make changes for yourself because you believe it is better for you.

Changes made for other people will not last and you will slowly revert to the insecure and unhealthy person who created the issues. The negative changes will be quicker if he doesn't come running back when you think he should.

Stop giving yourself false hope. The text was not meant for you. It was not meant to give you hope that he will be around in the future. It was not meant to give you hope that he is waiting for you because he shouldn't. He has his own life to live and you need to understand that you are not a part of it.

You cannot become the person you were. Your experiences, thoughts and feelings mold the person you are. Positive and negative, they shape the unique individual that is you. The person you are now needs to decide who and what you want to become. The future you can be so much stronger and healthier if you give her the support she needs.

Learn who you are and who you want to be. Put your energy into healing yourself. Find passion for yourself. Give yourself a chance to live.

[mashiat]

Well,just so u know my faith has paid off n Ansho n I are back together in full bloom!! :D

[talaniman]

That's good. Did you improve yourself, or did he miss you?

[mashiat]

Well,a little of both maybe :p