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jmw0713 · Sep 7, 2013, 07:53 AM

Hey everyone,

Been a long time since posting on here. Here is my issue:

Me and this girl were seeing each other for the last few months. She recently moved into town from CA. She is a divorcée and has been divorced for about 2 yrs.

Needless to say we always had a good time when we spent time together. We have great conversations and a fair amount in common. Over the time we were seeing each other we hooked up on a number of occasions. We never made anything "official" during this time. We kept things pretty casual and everything. I started to get feelings for her, and I thought she did too. I went on vacation and we didn't talk for over a week. When I got back we reconnected and she said she missed me. About a week later I asked her out to dinner (we've gone out to dinner as a couple before) and called it a "date". I thought everything was cool as she went along with it. Dinner was good, we had a good time.

The days after dinner she became very distant, and I could tell something was wrong. I asked her about it and she told me she gets like this from time to time. No big deal except now she hasn't wanted to hang out.

Last night I text her about a concert I went to and how she missed a good time, and she told me about her evening out with her friends. I suggested another place she should try (she's kind of new in town). She said we should check it out together and then went on about how we are "only friends" and that it wouldn't be a date. Then she says that she doesn't want to ruin that and that she likes me and likes hanging out with me. She went on to say she can't be into the dating thing 100% due to other priorities she has at the moment (work, marathon training). She then said she wouldn't mind if I dated other girls as long as we still were friends.

I said I was fine about not putting a label on anything. I then went on to tell her that I thought this relationship had the potential to be something more than just friends and I like her and like hanging out with her. But I then went on to say that I'm not 100% OK with just being friends, since I did have feelings for her. She said she was sorry that I had expectations about things and out of respect for me needed to nail down her expectations for how things would move forward.

The conversation pretty much ended there. I can't figure out where things went wrong or if I did anything to bring this about. I've already decided to back off, since I may have been coming on too strong for her.

Any advise or insights on this situation or advice on how to proceed from here? I really do like her, but at the same time I don't want to waste time and effort on something that has no possibility of moving forward.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 7, 2013, 08:08 AM

It does not sound like you did anything wrong, you just misunderstood the relationship. She is fine with a casual thing and occasional hook up, you want more.
She has told you that. If you can't do that, you need to move on.

N0help4u · Sep 7, 2013, 08:43 AM

She is worried you are getting too serious.You can says friendship is Fine but she is still going to Keep feeling you want more

talaniman · Sep 7, 2013, 12:03 PM

If you cannot date casually and just be friends, then date someone who wants what you want as quick as you want it. She doesn't. Got nothing to do with you or the times you have, she just has other priorities before you or a relationship.

Some like casual. Some need more quicker. But that's the downside of dating one at a time, you get attached and wanting more. Sure back off and look around some more.