[Andreabee]

Thank you everyone

[Andreabee]

Judy. I have been to the police and there is not a lot I can do. You obvously don't understand and may never understand. Only people who have expirienced what I have first hand may know and I am one of majority people on AMHD seeking advice. I do not only think of myself when I'm making a decision I think of everyone who will be affected by my choice. When I ask a question Judy that doesn't have to invovle every action and emotion that I've expirienced. I feel I have given enough information online. Not everyone is as perfect as you.

[joypulv]

JudyKayTee is an investigator for a living, and is an invaluable responder on this site. She has no reason to dissect you personally; she asks in order to best help in the way she does best. Each of us brings a different approach for you to accept or reject as you wish. Try to do so without anger at each thing that bothers you, or everyone might leave!

You said "this man was also suicidal and I felt responsible for one life already, I had to save another." He also furiously blamed you. You also mention God and I wonder if you felt you had to have sex to 'save' him and get him (and God?) to 'forgive' you. I wonder how much religion figures into this.

You asked many, many questions about how to deal with all this at the beginning. I don't think any of us is asking questions of you for any reason other than to try to respond.

BUT again - feel free to say you've had enough painful disclosure.

[Andreabee]

That's right joypulv. Yes I was put in a bad position I feel like I can no longer call myself a christian as much as I believe.. I also don't want to degrade the name and qualities of a true christian but is my sin the unforgivable sin ? I try to keep stress free for the sake of my baby's health, I appologise for my heated comments, being on AMHD I have to expect to be judged not everyone will have a positive opinion and maybe I have had enough painful disclosure and not only is it unhealthy for myself but also for my child who I should be thinking of instead of the past.

[talaniman]

You are like many of us who have made bad decision following our hearts instead of the facts we tend to ignore. Yes the consequences are painful, but you have to forgive yourself and move forward with better decision, thoughts, and actions.

You cannot wallow in guilt and expect good results.

[JudyKayTee]

" Only people who have expirienced what i have first hand may know and i am one of majority people on AMHD seeking advice"

I'm the adult survivor of rape - don't even begin to tell me that I don't understand. I very well may be one of the "chosen few" who DO understand!

I never said I was perfect - I don't think anyone here is. I also don't ask a question and then return sincere answers with rudeness. Your story makes little sense, you are anonymous but you can't give any info, you want help but you have every reason in the book why every suggestion won't work for you. On top of that you insult me because I can't understand why you won't/can't get help from the Police if for no other reason than to protect other women?

It wasn't easy for me, either, but I helped take my rapist off the street - and there was no question in my case whether the rape was with my consent. It was not.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, pull yourself together and either live with your past or make an attempt to move on.

I don't think asking "what Country" is rude to you - I investigate for a living and your story makes little sense unless you are in a country where women have little value.

I totally disagreed with Jeep when she posted "HOLD ON THERE! Your fault? Really? What makes you think you are so important you can cause someone to commit suicide? Your friend had a lot of emotional and mental issues way before he met you." - and I will mention again that you actually thanked her for this - but I'm starting to think she has a few good points.

What gives you your sense of self importance?

[joypulv]

Isn't Jesus the embodiment of forgiveness? If that is your belief, ask to be forgiven. IF you feel that you have sinned. I'm not so sure who sinned or who started the whole dysfunctional family problem that you fell into. But praying might bring answers into your heart and soul.

I felt responsible for my husband's suicide and my boyfriend's accident and it has remained a little nugget in my heart for 45+ years. Therapists spend a lot of time telling you it isn't your fault. It isn't (I told you the same thing), but how do any of us believe that when it's just happened and we really do feel how we feel, regardless?

What I do now is feel guilty for little, more recent things. I have a terrible story recently about the way I killed a mouse in my kitchen.

Please try to sort out the part you played in your boyfriend's life that came along WAY after he had a suicidal mindset. People get left every day all over the world and don't kill themselves.
Please try to sort out your values from those of his family's. Was his father 'more wrong' by being demanding and accusing? Were you less or equally 'wrong?' I'm not going to try to answer that because I know it's complicated. I'm not even going to insist that you forgive yourself, because that's what therapists do and it always made me mad. But I will hope that you work on it day by day.

[Andreabee]

Thank you joy. Please stop trying to insult me judy it seems your dragging a simple misunderstanding way to far please just stop.