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    cookie18's Avatar
    cookie18 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jul 6, 2013, 06:16 PM
    Boyfriend Help...
    My boyfriend (42) and I (24) have been together for three and a half years. Overall, we have a very happy and healthy relationship, but there are a few big things that are really bumming me out. After two years of open, honest communication, I have realized that talking to him doesn't yield any permanent results in the following areas:

    1. Sex. I am lucky to get him into bed once every three months. If I try to initiate things, he always turns me down. 100% of the time. If he initiates things, and I'm not in the mood, he doesn't back off. Sex is only satisfying about 10% of the time we have it. This is completely opposite of the way things used to be, when we often had sex every day, multiple times a day, and he could last more than 60 seconds. Now, I have never made him feel bad about anything in bed, and have asked him openly to have more intimate time with me, to which he always genuinely says that he wants to. But it never happens.

    2. Sleep Overs. After two and a half years of promises that moving closer together would bring us more nights to spend together, we almost never sleep in the same bed. In the beginning of our relationship, we lived far apart and I would spend every weekend with him. Then, we moved to be closer together, and had one night together every month or two. Then, he asked me to move to the same city as him. I did, and he stayed with me one time the five months that I lived there. Now, after him telling me to move here, I am renting a room in the same house where he rents a converted garage studio. I am literally upstairs, and he has spent one night with me in the past four months. He has asked me to spend one night with him in the last two and a half years.

    3. Moving. I am moving from north LA to SD in a couple of months for school. My boyfriend works in OC. Instead of moving somewhere in between OC and SD with me, either into the same place or nearby in the same town, he is insisting that he stays in north LA. The past couple of months he has been saying that he doesn't want to move, but that everything is open for discussion, and when I told him that his mom and my dad think he should move with me, he said "Get it out of your head." I feel like he is putting this house as a higher priority than me and our relationship, and I don't understand why he is choosing to make our relationship somewhat long-distance when there is no reason for it to be that way. Am I being crazy about this?

    These are just three of the issues that are really on my mind, and I need some input from other people... I'm not sure if I should try and talk these feelings away, or just let him know that I'm tired of waiting around on him. It's the most frustrating because only three days ago he asked me when he can propose to me, and just today said that he is really ready to live together... yet won't. I feel like in some major ways our relationship is heading backwards rather than forwards, and I'm not sure where to go from here.
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
    Education Expert
     
    #2

    Jul 6, 2013, 06:43 PM
    I'd go off to school alone. Make a clean break. You don't need baggage like this when you go away. There are too many issues in this relationship.
    And, being a CA gal myself, get out of Northern LA and

    Get to San Diego. You'll enjoy life there more.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #3

    Jul 6, 2013, 07:28 PM
    You should move and tell him get it in his head your through
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #4

    Jul 7, 2013, 01:00 AM
    'he asked me when he can propose to me' - huh? Who does that?
    'and just today said that he is really ready to live together... yet won't.' - I suspect that he knows he is losing you.
    Both of those remarks are desperate attempts to keep you. But not desperate enough because they are just words.
    I doubt that he is going to change for you. You've done plenty of changing for him.
    School will help fill the void. It's time to go.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #5

    Jul 7, 2013, 06:40 AM
    What's in your best interest for you, not him? His words and action don't match, and have not for a long time so don't consider him in your decision.

    What you want doesn't seem to be his priority, so why is what he wants yours? So why are you letting him hold you back from doing great things for yourself?
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Jul 7, 2013, 07:42 AM
    Get away from him, and stay away.
    Any good relationship must have honesty, trust, caring, and a willingness to talk about anything. I am 71 yrs old, divorced after first 7 years, then remarried 29 years. My wife died 7 yrs ago from smoking cigaretts. I quit 6 yrs ago, than goodness.
    Having a boyfriend 20 yrs older than you and not a good idea. My son's wife is 20 yrs older, at 72 yrs old now! He is 52, ready for sex, caring, and still wanting to have a good time. She is not able anymore, due to illnesses, to do much of anything anymore!
    Find yourself someone who will help you be happy, nearer to your own age! Good luck.

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