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    JB012's Avatar
    JB012 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 4, 2013, 07:28 AM
    Mother-In-Law says she has been abandon in a nursing home and is going to sue husband
    Mother-in-law had surgery for hip replacement surgery and was placed in a nursing home. She is currently still in there and family members has tried to help her get into a apartment (with no results). She calls her husband wanting food items brought to her and other personal items on a regular basis which they have done. Now the oldest son has come in from out of state and spoke with the mother and now they has said they are going to sue the husband in court for abandonment.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Jul 4, 2013, 07:36 AM
    Has anybody talked to him to find out why he put her there?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Jul 4, 2013, 07:40 AM
    If this is ordered by doctor, many are go into a rehab ( not real nursing home) but most people in a nursing home do not want to be there, but are put there by family when they no longer can care for self.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #4

    Jul 4, 2013, 07:49 AM
    Who are 'they' who want to sue? Sue which husband - her own?
    Does he live in a house or apartment with what he feels are problems for her to be mobile in and out of, or even just in and around in?
    She is free to go home. Her husband can't deny her entry to the marital home. Therefore she has no basis for a lawsuit. If he can't take care of her, and she can't take care of herself or afford to hire help, then she has a problem of facing reality. But she is free to be unrealistic - as long as she doesn't expect family to take care of her when they can't or won't!
    Please explain in more detail.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #5

    Jul 4, 2013, 07:53 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    but are put there by family when they no longer can care for self.
    I'm wondering if she was put there because he can no longer care for her because of issues such as Alzheimers, immobility, etc... or if he figured its easier than divorce to claim her need for a nursing home.
    If it's a case of her hip surgery and mobility there are answers besides nursing home
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #6

    Jul 4, 2013, 07:57 AM
    I agree with Joy and the others -- we need more information. The husband may feel like he can't care for her adequately, and isn't able to help her with daily needs like toileting and dressing. Usually after surgery, the patient is transferred to a rehab facility which is often a section of a nursing home, and learns how to care for herself with her new limitations.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #7

    Jul 4, 2013, 09:33 AM
    I inspect Nursing Homes - I've posted this before.

    No one can be "put" in a nursing home without their consent unless there are other factors, such as a Human Services Agency requiring it because the person can no longer care for herself, something else.

    Nursing homes are not jails.

    She can get up and walk out if she meets the release criteria.

    If I had a nickel for every "my [fill in the name of the family member] put me in here and I'm going to get out and then I'm going to sue [fill in the name of family member]" I would have a million dollars.

    This usually then turns into "X put me in here because X wants to spend all my money on him/herself."

    And so forth.

    There are also no rules about how often someone has to visit a relative in a nursing home and/or even answer the phone when the resident calls (for that matter). Lots of people have no visitors, no contact, because accusations like this one have burned all family bridges.

    You cannot make a person be a "good" parent. Likewise, you cannot force a person to be a "good" child/spouse.

    So - the resident and/or family should make arrangements to release the person into other surroundings using the expertise of the facility's social worker(s) and staff.

    In this case, why isn't the resident going back to wherever she was when she broke her hip? Again, no one has to find an apartment for her. That's one of the social worker's jobs, to keep her safe upon discharge.

    This doesn't make sense if you know how nursing homes operate.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #8

    Jul 4, 2013, 11:41 AM
    'She can get up and walk out if she meets the release criteria.'
    How about she just signs a release of liability?
    That's what some of my family have done - for themselves.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #9

    Jul 4, 2013, 12:15 PM
    Absolutely - she can sign and walk away BUT at least in NY if she cannot care for herself according to certain guidelines discharge can be delayed and a Court Order can be obtained "keeping" her there. You cannot, of course, release your legal rights by signing such a paper.

    If she has somewhere safe to go and can handle her own needs, by all means.

    I had this problem with my mother - broke a hip, refused to allow a caretaker into the house, refused to stay in rehab, just wanted "out." Signed all the paperwork and the social worker said no, threat of Court got involved, into a long term care facility. She's bitter and unhappy (nothing new there) but she absolutely, positively, cannot care for herself.

    I will add I had nothing to do with any of this - my sister lives closest and pretty much had enough.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #10

    Jul 4, 2013, 12:57 PM
    I'm confused. Where does the husband live? Why can't she simply move back in with her husband? Is the husband also in a nursing home? Is that why the family is attempting to get her an apartment?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #11

    Jul 4, 2013, 02:15 PM
    My dad wanted to go home to DIE. That's what he did.
    So did his mother 30 years earlier. Wait - no, she tried to leave the hospital after about the 4th stroke in a short time and the doctor told her he'd get the court involved, so she climbed back onto the bed and had an aneurysm.
    Damn it all. She could have walked out, gone home, and had her aneurysm at home...

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