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Dia71 · Jun 28, 2013, 07:39 PM

My gosh I will attempt to keep this short. This has gone on for what seems an eternity. I now find myself alone and isolated. I met him I knew he was trouble but he somehow manages to manipulate his way into my life. It began to not sit well when he would be on the phone with a "friend" and he would refer to me as " a friends house" then... never mind who. You all understand. Then the not answering the phone in front of me would begin to occur and on occasion I would look into his phone because I felt like he wasn't being honest. There is a lot more to it but for the sake of judgement I won't be so thorough.

So 3 months into it and he is living in my home where I pay the rent all the bills and he rarely contributes if anything. He is trying to get back on his feet again was the story at the time. He was supposed to be giving me 50 bucks a week that I would put away for him so he could get his contractors license back. Well, evidently that never happened. So August roles around and by this time I've kicked him out and he makes a regular habit of talking to his"female" friends about how it's over and I'm a b*^ch and I've done nothing but rag on him. I know this because it got back to me from someone who was more than disgustingly pleased to share it with me. Someone that was my friend at one time.

The return of him, since he likely had no where else to go resulted in me letting him return. So he is "working" now or so I thought. I know he lost the job after 3 houses. Something about the person he was roofing with told the boss he wasn't showing up. Probably hooking up with one of his "friends". I refer to them as bag whores. But I will refrain. So August 4th I find out at 330 am he is at a motel room I go there and find him in there with some broad and she seems to be genuinely concerned over my obvious anger. But not him. He is cold and just could careless. He had my iPad. So I retrieved it and his tire off his bike and on my way to work. How awesome right. So I begin to call him. And about 830 the room phone was taken off the hook for hours. I naturally am beside myself and have a difficult time focusing at work.

She calls me some time later and asks me if I have his bike tire? So long story short he denies ever doing anything and I give him an ultimatum he can choose her "friendship" or me. So that didn't quite go like that he continued to have contact with her, hiding it of course. So the next person is this buddy of his' girlfriend. He goes to a detention facility and he gets real friendly with her. I read text messages like I can hardly stand the anticipation. Or your teasing me Etc.. but that is okay according to him. Not at all sexual. I asked him if he would say that to his buddy or if he would say it if he weren't locked up? He said sure. Yeah OK.

So now here about April 2013 I've found 5 profiles on those dating/sex websites. All of which he claims he created to make me mad and he was mad at me. I found an email after getting into his account to a woman where he told her I need *****. (Sorry for the vulgarity) but that was just a joke according to him. My reply was well that's a pretty funny joke why am I not laughing and why was her profile visible only to him if it was so innocent. So he claims that he never cheated on me!!

Am I wrong to accuse him? I thought I should add that he has his computer password protected and never let's his phone out of his sight.

odinn7 · Jun 28, 2013, 08:10 PM

You are wrong to even be with this guy. Why put yourself through this? It's clearly obvious what he is doing... it all points to one thing... and then the fact that you pretty much support him and he lives with you for free. Get rid of him... he's a bum. You know it, he knows it, now we know it too. Cut your ties with him and live for yourself again.

talaniman · Jun 28, 2013, 08:16 PM

I would question your instinct they seem kind of slow. Too slow to trust. The good news is, they are finally working better and will hopefully allow you to get rid of the cheating bum and get beyond his crap.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 28, 2013, 08:23 PM

Why are you still with him? He's a cheater and a bum. You have known that for a while yet you take him back. Stop doing that. Leave him alone.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 28, 2013, 09:52 PM

You do not accuse him or worry twice about it, you kick him out, and move on. If you waste your time to talk to him about it, he will find a way to make you believe it is your fautl.

Just leave him, period

Dia71 · Jun 29, 2013, 02:59 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

you do not accuse him or worry twice about it, you kick him out, and move on. if you waste your time to talk to him about it, he will find a way to make you beleive it is your fautl.

just leave him, period

That is exactly what he attempts to do. He just left here all psychotic blaming me for being homeless. Like somehow he isn't responsible for keeping a roof over his own head by paying for it. I am just sickened by the whole ordeal. I cannot understand how these personalities operate. How do they become these monsters? As though they were never, as a young child, held accountable or disciplined about anything. I feel depressed and ashamed and I tend to isolate a lot for maybe months now. I don't even enjoy the activities I once did. Pure sadness and exhaustion.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 29, 2013, 07:23 AM

Well don't isolate yourself. Just don't take this guy back. He is not disciplined about anything because sounds like he has been with woman who allow him to do as he pleases, he messes up and then they take him back. Break the cycle then pull your shoulders back and walk upright knowing you have not allowed him to use you again.

N0help4u · Jun 30, 2013, 06:06 PM

You have WAY too many red flags. Guys trying to manipulate you by making you feel responsible for their hardships they brought on themselves. That type of guy NEVER changes, it only gets worse

Oliver2011 · Jul 1, 2013, 06:22 AM

I agree with everyone else. Why would you want someone like that in your life? If you lived to be 268 years old, a couple of bad apples here and there would be manageable. But life is way too short to allow someone who does so many things wrong into our lives. Think about it. He doesn't have 1 bad habit - he has too many bad habits. Dump him for good and move on.

joypulv · Jul 1, 2013, 06:34 AM

Last AUGUST you found out he was in a motel room (wonder who paid for that) with a woman? The next day you are delivering ultimatums, instead of tossing him out a second time? Now, almost a year later, you are still with him, and telling your tale online? Dwelling on little picky details instead of the big picture?

Do you really expect anyone in the entire world to say anything but dump him for good, NOW?

J_9 · Jul 1, 2013, 06:35 AM

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

You haven't gotten a different result, have you? Why continue to bang your head on a brick wall?

Let him go. If he is homeless, it's his own fault. It's time for you to get a life. A LIFE without him and his drama.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 1, 2013, 07:42 AM

I'm wondering why you are questioning whether you have a right to accuse him. He has cheated on you before, he mooches off you what are you not getting regarding the behavior of this man. What more does he have to do to you to get you to get a clue and kick him to the curb?

Dia71 · Jul 1, 2013, 10:03 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Last AUGUST you found out he was in a motel room (wonder who paid for that) with a woman? The next day you are delivering ultimatums, instead of tossing him out a second time? Now, almost a year later, you are still with him, and telling your tale online? Dwelling on little picky details instead of the big picture?

Do you really expect anyone in the entire world to say anything but dump him for good, NOW?

I realize it looks like I am an idiot, I don't know why I allowed him to manipulate not only me but my environment in its entirety. I can tell you that I felt quite confused and wasn't sure if I was actually just imagining it all up. I know that I wasn't I had to put it all in perspective. It isn't easy living with a sociopath. I truly believe that this is exactly what he is. Some call it BPD. I call it untreatable so why give it such a politically correct label. As if its treatable. The only way it could be treatable is if the person, who exhibits the sociopathic behavior, actually acknowledged it, saw the damage, suddenly became accountable for it and moved to change it. I hardly see this as realistic. At this point I find myself wishing he would just admit to the ugly truth but I know that he is incapable. He is also in jail in 4 days. Exactly where he deserves to be. Karma is a b*#ch it always comes back. I wanted to also add that he said she was in his motel room because she was a customer, she was there with another friend of hers. However I am not an idiot and know when someone is lying. People don't keep locks and passwords on their computer if they've nothing to hide. He actually would have the audacity to say he did it to teach me a lesson. That I can go into his computer any time. Well with his permission. And it's funny because anytime I did ask him it escalated into a huge fight and he would leave thus a way to not have to be showing me anything. But I'm the nut job he said.

ndksd · Jul 1, 2013, 11:18 AM

I agree with everyone else. He has proven he can't be trusted and is manipulating you into believing him. Too many red flags. Keep this in mind, "you accept the love you think you deserve". I believe you deserve so much more. Believe in yourself. Finds some family/friends to focus on and get him out of your life.

Oliver2011 · Jul 1, 2013, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by Dia71

I realize it looks like I am an idiot, I don't know why I allowed him to manipulate not only me but my environment in its entirety. I can tell you that I felt quite confused and wasn't sure if I was actually just imagining it all up. I know that I wasn't I had to put it all in perspective. It isn't easy living with a sociopath. I truly believe that this is exactly what he is. Some call it BPD. I call it untreatable so why give it such a politically correct label. As if its treatable. The only way it could be treatable is if the person, who exhibits the sociopathic behavior, actually acknowledged it, saw the damage, suddenly became accountable for it and moved to change it. I hardly see this as realistic. At this point I find myself wishing he would just admit to the ugly truth but I know that he is incapable. He is also in jail in 4 days. Exactly where he deserves to be. Karma is a b*#ch it always comes back. I wanted to also add that he said she was in his motel room because she was a customer, she was there with another friend of hers. However I am not an idiot and know when someone is lying. People don't keep locks and passwords on their computer if they've nothing to hide. He actually would have the audacity to say he did it to teach me a lesson. That I can go into his computer any time. Well with his permission. And it's funny because anytime I did ask him it escalated into a huge fight and he would leave thus a way to not have to be showing me anything. But I'm the nut job he said.

Nope, not a nut job at all. We all get into this position and fall for someone and then hope they change after they show their real colors. It is how we handle ourselves when we know the right decisions to make that makes the difference here.

Maybe in your next relationship you should take the time to get to know someone well and then you are not surprised by their true colors. That is what I did and I am in the best relationship of my life.

So you got involved with someone who didn't turn out to be that great. So what, we've all been there. Now it is time to move your life forward and learn from this experience.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 1, 2013, 12:37 PM

Before you get into another relationship make a list of things you will not deal with.
1. If they have a bad reputation, leave them alone.
2. Wants to move in with you after a short period.
3 . No job.
Number one should cancel out the other two. But keep your "will not deal with" forefront in your mind.

N0help4u · Jul 1, 2013, 06:15 PM

To add to homegirls list. Get to know a guys family and upbringing. Get to really know him and do not let your emotions get in the way for at least 3 months. That is what I found it takes to really get to know a guy. They impress you for 3 months, then they think they have you wrapped around their finger and they start letting their true self slip up.