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Cobrastirke · Mar 24, 2007, 10:52 PM

So, me and my girlfriend broke up on the Monday just passed (she broke up with me) Her reasons being were as follows:

1. Her father was becoming too strict on how much I could go up to her house and see her, and last Saturday totally banned me from going up to her house to see her after peeking in on me giving her a quick kiss on the cheek at the door before I left to go home.

2. She missed hanging out with her friends, wanted to go to gigs etc.

I obviously told her that she still has that freedom of seeing her friends, and she has never been restricted to it. Before all this happened, I would say about 2 months ago; I used to see her on a TUesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Her dad intervened and enforced a rule I could only go to their house on a Saturday and Wednesday, which was fine by me. So we broke up, and I just found out from one of close friends that she is in a relationship with a guy she has been friends with for about a month. SHe told me that she hasn't been cheating, and if she wanted to be with someone else; she would have broke up with me. So now she is in this relationship, and it hurts but I don't cry about it anymore.

I am meeting her in town to give her all her stuff back today (sunday), but she wants to keep my shirt and picture. Her friend told me that she cuddles into my shirt so she can fall asleep, and she cries over my picture most nights. If this is relevant, we were together for 10 months. I am very confused as to why she has jumped into another relationship like this, when she still grieves over what we had. I have two questions concerning this:

1. Has she jumped into a "rebound relationship" andis it willing to last?

2. Why? I am hoping someone can provided an in depth explanation to this. She was my "first love" after all, and despite the break up, I still love her.

Thank you for your time, any explanation and answers will be appreciated a lot =]

Jiser · Mar 25, 2007, 05:21 AM

Perhaps it is a rebound, maybe it isint - but its not your concern anymore. Treat this as a life experience and learn from it. Now is the time to concentrate on yourself and improve your life and do the things you've allways wanted to do. That may be getting a muscular frame :) or perhaps travelling.

See your friends more and renew all your old social ties and abide by no contact. In time it will get easier.

s_cianci · Mar 25, 2007, 06:25 AM

First of all, rebound relationships rarely last. Secondly, how old are the two of you? Since her father is exerting so much control I presume that the two of you are fairly young, perhaps high school age? At that age relationships come and go like junk mail. Not that that's necessarily a good or healthy thing but it's the norm. There is one thing that strikes me as particularly odd, however. Given that her father appears to be so strict, I'd like to know how she's getting away with having this new relationship? I wonder if maybe you're not getting the full story here. It almost seems as though there's something rotten in Denmark, if you get my drift.

talaniman · Mar 25, 2007, 07:24 AM

I don't know how old you are but if dad is so strict how is this other guy seeing her and you can't. Sounds like an excuse she gave you to see others.

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 25, 2007, 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I don't know how old you are but if dad is so strict how is this other guy seeing her and you can't. Sounds like an excuse she gave you to see others.

Interesting point and I never picked up on this until S_Cianci and Tal pointed it out. It maybe an excuse to clear the path for someone new but regardless, Jiser's response above speaks volumes about what you must now do. You sound quite young and I don't mean that in a patronising way, but more in a positive way in that you will find a new woman but for now, just take some time out for you, work on yourself and enjoy your new freedom...

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 25, 2007, 07:40 AM

Originally Posted by Cobrastirke

2. She missed hanging out with her friends, wanted to go to gigs etc.

That is quite common among young women, perhaps under the age of 25 if they have been in a relationship for a while from a young age and miss the single life, having fun e.t.c. Something known as a wildgirl phase.

Maybe she is not ready for anything serious yet and this new guy does not necessarily rule this out because he may be:

A: A rebound

B: A Mistake

C: Part of her new found freedom while she explores herself

D: It might not even be true and yet something you have been told to identify your reaction to this

Cobrastirke · Mar 27, 2007, 04:11 AM

Well to those who haven't yet read my first post, here is the link:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-up-75591.html

So, me and my ex met in town on Sunday. We talked about everything, I told her I'm moving on, I'm enjoying myself and that I start working very soon. Afterwards, once we had talked about it all, I asked her for a hug and she hugged me so tight; and wouldn't let go, she started crying saying she misses me, she regrets that she broke up with me. So, last Friday a guy friend of hers that has always had feelings for her moved in for the kill, so to speak. Kissed her, when she was fragile, confused. She is now even more confused than ever, I have been giving her loads of space, we occasionally speak on the phone. Well in town like I said we talked, we walked around and we were just having fun. We sat down at the steps of the city hall, and it was one of them moments where we were just looking at each other, I wanted to kiss her so much but I didn't. But, she kissed me, and we kissed for about 30 seconds until I realised what I was doing so I backed off saying that she can't, she needs to work herself out.

So she phoned me this morning, I was asking her how she was and she was telling me she is more confused than ever. She likes this guy she is currently dating, and to be honest it doesn't bother me at all that she is with him. It's just she is his very first girlfriend, and he never gives her any space when they are together. She can't help but compare me and him together, and obviously I'm the better outcome simply because we have been through so much together. So yeah, on the phone she was saying she doesn't know whether things will work out between us if we got back together, all because of how confused she is. Of course, I told her it doesn't bother me, she has all the time in the world but I'm not as willing at all to take her back. I know I want her back, but it will only make the situation worse if we got back together, she needs to figure herself out but she keeps sending all these mixed signals to me which confuses me a little bit about what she wants. It's obvious that this relationship she has with this other guy won't work out, he gives her way too much affection and never gives her room to breath. She is setting herself out for more pain, and I have told her this.

So I met this girl, Kayliegh her name is. We get on extremely well, it's a bit flirtacious but I am holding back A lot. I don't want anything with this girl, but she is very nice, cute and has a very attractive personality. She more or less has been through what I am currently going through, same things such as losing the virginity to the first love, being in love for a start. But as I said, nothing is going to happen between me and her, I'm finding it A lot easier being without my ex, and this is simply another experience I have had to go through in order to get through life and find what I want.

At the same time, things may work out between me and my ex, I've told her I am DEFINITELY NOT hanging round for her, she has to make her own decisions and any regrets that she has she has to live with it. It was her decision to break up with me, and to be honest without her I'm enjoying myself so much more. Of course I still think about her a lot, not as much but a lot. But like I said, things may work out but it's going to take a lot of time, it all depends on whether she splits up with her current boyfriend (who she said she wants to split up with, but because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings can't do it), and whether she will use the time that she is single to find herself.

So any opinions and advice on the situation? I'm still very confused about what to do, we plan on hanging out with each other like tomorrow night, and possibly the weekend but it's nothing more than hanging out.

Thanks for reading everyone.

mckenzie134 · May 14, 2007, 08:39 PM

If you want her back don't hang out. Definitely no hanging out no more answering her calls!! You sound like what I did!! And told myself. LISTEN YOU SOUND LIKE A WIMP WHO IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT YOU Don't WANT HER!! If you didn't want her then you wouldn't be on here talking abiout this situatuion!!

This is what you must do!! MUST MUST Tell her nothing for a bit avoid her. When she calls don't answer and when you do tell her she had her chance with you and she blew it!! Tell her you were thinking about things and she's taken way to long!! Tell her to go and be with this other guy that was her choice!! \

You are missing the point here BUDDY if she wantedyou she would be with you. Cut her off completely you don't need someone hanging onto you in case this other guy doesn't work!! That is EXACTLY what is going on here... You are the fallback guy!!

Look at it this way you have your girlfriend you decide you want a break and you have another girl. Now your gex is hanging around and you are with your new girlfriend but your not to sure if it will work. Now you then decide I don't really want this new girlfriend do you

1. Get rid of her cause you like your ex more
Or
2.Do you keep the new girlfriend even if you don't like her as much as the EX!!

Cmon you go with the one you like more Don't BE SO STUPID!!

She is just telling you this new guy is not the one cause its new she's not sure! You drop off the face of the earth and then she will realise his not the one and that you sare the one!! Get with the game BRO!! This will work Disappear

talaniman · May 14, 2007, 09:52 PM

Hanging out behind a bf's back ain't cool and since she is with someone , I think you should leave her alone. I still cannot get over your first post frankly as that was as strange as it gets. It sounds like she is doing to you, what she did to him. Let me explain. They were friends and then a couple after the weird break up. Now your friends, and she sounds like he is on his way out. Naw, stay away from this drama and stick with having fun. Then you don't have to be confused by her signals any longer. You've moved ahead, don't go back. Her dad still doesn't like you, so don't waste any more time wit this ex.