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jnlf · Jun 25, 2013, 11:16 PM

My husband works with another women, normally this would not bother me as I am very secure in our relationship. But, he has mention numerous times that she is very attractive and a sweetheart, also that every other guy thinks she is as well. Also we have been in situations with his other coworkers where they have mentioned that she doesn't know what she is doing but because her breast are nice to look at, no one says anything. I completely trust my husband but feel at times he is purposefully trying to make me jealous with the comments that he makes. They recently went on a work trip and he stated that him, her and two others were going to hang out in one of their hotel rooms to have drinks. I spoke to him later that night to let him know that I thought it was inappropriate and he got defensive. While I was speaking with him his phone was blowing up with text messages. He stated that it was one of the guys trying to find out where he disappeared too. I checked the phone bill, which I never do, and she was one of the ones that also texted. I don't think I need to worry, I just think that he is making inappropriate comments and choices. Any suggestions?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 25, 2013, 11:44 PM

Perhaps he is trying to make you jealous a little. While it is sort of Jr High, some people, do that, if they feel the other person is not giving them enough attention. Also of course some men are just stupid and do not realise what they are doing

Homegirl 50 · Jun 26, 2013, 07:43 AM

That is inappropriate and I would imagine the company he works for would frown on that. Could be he trying to make you jealous although that is pretty childish, or he is playing with fire. I would in a calm way voice my concerns with him.

joypulv · Jun 26, 2013, 09:49 AM

Unless you see signs of anything 'happening,' I would be glad that he is so open with you about it. Very, very glad. And even more glad because all the guys find her attractive (and dumb, presumably).
I think I would avoid the word 'inappropriate' when calling him at work or at a work related event. It sounds a little too motherly or teacherly. And save your words for when he's home.

smkanand · Jun 26, 2013, 10:25 AM

Paranoid, I don't think so but be alert.

Cat1864 · Jun 26, 2013, 11:18 AM

I think you are a little less secure in your marriage than you thought and it is throwing you for a loop. I think you are taking this a bit too personally.

I don't think he means to compare you to her or to make you jealous. I think he is talking to you and telling you what he is thinking like some well-established couples do. To him, it may be no different than talking about a new desk or any of his other co-workers.

I think the feelings you describe are more about how you feel about yourself and your marriage. Do you feel attractive and beautiful? Are you concerned that your marriage may be starting to stagnate? Are you both taking each other granted and not putting as much effort into the relationship as you did in the beginning?

The hotel room is a boundary that should have been discussed before he left. Personally, I see nothing wrong with it since it wasn't just him and her. It was a group.

Looking at the phone bill to see who was texting him was crossing a boundary line. I notice that you focused on her text and ignore that she wasn't the only one. Were you equally concerned about his male co-workers texting him? Why not when they were all supposed together?

It may be time to sit down and talk with husband. Share your thoughts and feelings, but remember to listen to his.