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miranda87 · Jun 12, 2013, 08:30 PM

I'm in NY and though my daughters father and I were married when I got pregnant we were legally separated by the time she was born and divorced when she was just shy of 5 months old. She is now 17 months and my ex has never seen her, owes me almost $4000 in back child support and due to repeatedly failing drug tests and a history of mental illness and abuse towards me the courts limited his rights to supervised visitation with myself and one other family member present in a public area. I am now engaged to another man who plans to adopt my daughter as soon as were legally married. Does my ex, who last I knew was living in Ohio, have to consent to the adoption or can we just fill out the paperwork without him knowing?

odinn7 · Jun 12, 2013, 08:39 PM

He needs to consent and sign court documents.

miranda87 · Jun 12, 2013, 09:05 PM

Originally Posted by odinn7

He needs to consent and sign court documents.

Ugh thanks Im not worried about him consenting as much as I am him not finding every excuse in the book as to why he can't make the trip to sign the paper work. He's good at making one excuse after the other as to why he can't do things that require him to not be playing video games while drinking, snorting coke and/or smoking weed for more than about an hour at a time.

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2013, 03:25 AM

Why do you think he needs to make the trip? You need an attorney to process the adoption petition. The attorney will arrange to deliver the papers or have him go to a local attorney's office to sign them. There may need to be a phone appearance to the court. But no he doesn't have to travel. But yes, the court will require that you obtain his consent.

AK lawyer · Jun 13, 2013, 04:29 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Why do you think he needs to make the trip? You need an attorney to process the adoption petition. The attorney will arrange to deliver the papers or have him go to a local attorney's office to sign them. There may need to be a phone appearance to the court. But no he doesn't have to travel. But yes, the court will require that you obtain his consent.

Typically, all is required is that he be given notice of the adoption. He doesn't need to sign anything if he doesn't want to; in such case the adoption will be approved.

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2013, 04:39 AM

That's not my experience. Courts want to make sure the parents agree to the adoption. Just a lack of protest is often not enough. Courts will still grant an adoption if it can be proven the parent is aware of the adoption and declines to respond, but they would prefer a positive reference rather than the absence of a response.

AK lawyer · Jun 13, 2013, 05:13 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

.... Courts ... would prefer a positive reference rather than the absence of a response.

What the court wants and what it gets can be two different things.

If the judge is satisfied that he has been given notice, that is all the judge will be able to do. The court can't, and won't, try to haul him from Ohio to the New York courtroom to be sure.

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2013, 05:40 AM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

What the court wants and what it gets can be two different things.

If the judge is satisfied that he has been given notice, that is all the judge will be able to do. The court can't, and won't, try to haul him from Ohio to the New York courtroom to be sure.

I agree, but that doesn't mean the court can't hold up the proceedings to make sure he has been served. And as YOU said in another thread, with the current state of communications, there is no need for him to make a personal appearance.

JudyKayTee · Jun 13, 2013, 01:55 PM

Why would anyone play the "I got notice, no you didn't" game when a signature on a release can be readily obtained - if this is the case.

Why argue this at some point in the future when that door can be closed now?

AK lawyer · Jun 14, 2013, 07:52 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Why would anyone play the "I got notice, no you didn't" game when a signature on a release can be readily obtained - if this is the case.

Why argue this at some point in the future when that door can be closed now?

Agreed that consent, if readily obtained, would be the best way to go.

But earlier in the thread someone suggested that consent was necessary. That's not necessarily so.

JudyKayTee · Jun 15, 2013, 06:02 AM

AK, my apologies - I see what you were referencing. I didn't see it before - or I did and it didn't register.

So - I'm actually supposed to read before I respond?

cdad · Jun 15, 2013, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

AK, my apologies - I see what you were referencing. I didn't see it before - or I did and it didn't register.

So - I'm actually supposed to read before I respond?

Nah your still new here and school is out for the summer. We suspend the rules for vacation remember ? ;)

miranda87 · Jun 15, 2013, 08:37 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Why do you think he needs to make the trip? You need an attorney to process the adoption petition. The attorney will arrange to deliver the papers or have him go to a local attorney's office to sign them. There may need to be a phone appearance to the court. But no he doesn't have to travel. But yes, the court will require that you obtain his consent.

Let me clear that one up, my ex says he's fine with my fiancé adopting my daughter because my fiancé is way more willing and capable of being a good dad then my ex ever has or ever will be. The problem is that if he has to actually sign something saying he consents to the adoption the papers could be hand delivered to him personally and if I'm lucky he might read them and even sign them but will find any and all excuses as to why he can't get them to where they need to go to get back to the judge so he can see that my ex bothered to respond. If the judge will accept the fact that he was served papers and is just too selfish and lazy to respond then we'll be OK and if not my daughter will probably be in high school before my ex actually sends the papers back to give his consent.

ScottGem · Jun 15, 2013, 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by miranda87

Let me clear that one up, my ex says he's fine with my fiance adopting my daughter because my fiance is way more willing and capable of being a good dad then my ex ever has or ever will be. The problem is that if he has to actually sign something saying he consents to the adoption the papers could be hand delivered to him personally and if I'm lucky he might read them and even sign them but will find any and all excuses as to why he can't get them to where they need to go to get back to the judge so he can see that my ex bothered to respond. If the judge will accept the fact that he was served papers and is just too selfish and lazy to respond then we'll be ok and if not my daughter will probably be in high school before my ex actually sends the papers back to give his consent.

He can delay things by not responding, but yes, the judge will probably have the discretion to accept his lack of response as assent. But there are ways to inspire him to sign. Pursue him hard for support. If he understands that his support obligation ends with the adoption, he should be willing to help the adoption go through.

GV70 · Jun 18, 2013, 12:47 AM

Another question- Do NY laws allow that kind of adoption?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 18, 2013, 02:57 AM

He really needs to sign the papers, again, if you were really pushing the child support, he may be more willing to sign.

JudyKayTee · Jun 18, 2013, 07:06 AM

AK apparently did the research. I can only speak from experience. The road to adoption when there is proof of service but no signed waiver is long and difficult. I'm sure some adoptions are granted under these circumstances. I have personally never seen one.

I serve papers. I have served adoption papers personally, been called into Court when the consent has not been signed, sworn (in addition to my Affidavit) that the papers were legally served - and the adoption has not gone forward because there was no consent.

NY does not remove the "rights" of the father lightly. Perhaps the law as it is written and the law as it in interpreted are two different things.