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JoeCanada76 · Apr 4, 2007, 06:06 PM

We have been saying it is a crutch all along. The answers all pretty much said end it now. Move on. It is your decision if you want to continue to hurt yourself and hurt the married mans wife.

Joe

talaniman · Apr 4, 2007, 06:09 PM

Crutches are not the real thing and that's what you deserve. We all do. But taking it in small steps helps, Anything you need or have questions about is only a keyboard away. We all love a good rant too. Got any??

Wildcat21 · Apr 5, 2007, 10:01 AM

So you like being used? Abused? Seriously - this a form of abuse.

By The Way... you've never broken up because you don't have anything to begin with. You're the mistress. He has a wife - which he will never leave.

He doesn't love you - there is no tenderness.

Let me guess - low self esteem. I advise a therpist.

This is ALL so unhealthy for you. At age 24 being used and abused by a 45 year old MARRIED man. Married. Did I say he was married??

2 1/2 yeARS AND STILL LYING TO YOU. No one stays in a marrieage if there is nothing.

He has no crutch... he has mistress who is willing to give him sex... and that's all there is. You shut the sex off and he will be gone in 2 seconds.

Of course he didn't get you anything for oyur birthday - he never will. He uses for for sex. Did I say use you for sex?

Do you get what's actually going on here??

You don't get involved with nay that you can't tell your parents, friends, HIS wife?

How do oyu think his wife feels?? Lets ask her.

Wildcat21 · Apr 5, 2007, 10:53 AM

No this never works.

See he cheated omn his wife... he'll cheat on you as well... especially a self centered guy.

I tget angry that woman, and ver yyoung woman at that, would WATE her life with such a complete MASSIVE LOSER!! Why?

gypsy456 · Apr 5, 2007, 11:29 AM

Originally Posted by lilliandiana

Hi, guys. Sorry I haven't been in touch. Hectic here with my class and the job and a 24 year old moving out and leaving a HUGE mess behind. I am thinking about all the responses, but right now I just don't know what to say.
I am hoping that once I get my house back in shape that I can start writing on my novel again. Then I will have the strength to end it with M and move into a whole new era in my life.
I guess I just hate that so many of the responses act like I am the victim of a con man. I am not dependant on M for anything except tenderness--which I am willing to take as a substitue for the love I truly need. He's probably as much a crutch for me as I am for him in not facing what our lives are really like.

Oh dear... I see how you are struggling and despite 9 pages of feedback of people you still say "I am HOPING that ONCE I get my house back in shape that I CAN START writing and THEN I will have the strength to end it...."

Look, we all need crutches in our lives... however you choose to be in this relationship with a married man. You know deep down that you should stop it for your own sanity because you are obviously not happy... why postpone... it's your life, take your own life in your own hand and make your decisions now... don't postpone...

And please... never ever ever in your life settle for substitutes...
You are worth far more and it's about time you see this.

Good luck and start writing that novel, all it takes is a piece of paper and a pen. If you are really inspired you can do it at any time at any place... true inspiration does not need conditions... fear does though.

Emland · Apr 5, 2007, 12:13 PM

Lilliandiana, I am going to say to you what I said to my sister who was in a similar situation as yours. It took about 2 years of nagging and pleading for her to end her situation. Hopefully you will be ready to end yours soon, too.

What exactly is there to love about this man?

His character? He is a proven liar and adulterer.

His generosity? What did he get you for your birthday again? Oh yeah, nothing.

That he is a family man? He doesn't get along with his mother and prefers his son to his daughters. (That factor right there would be enough for me to walk away, single or married.)

Having grown up in one, I understand small town life. The chances of meeting a great guy are somewhere between "slim and none." However, I truly believe you are better off with no one rather than being used by this man. With the internet now there are all sorts of ways of meeting new people that aren't attached.

A previous poster was spot on. Take away the sex and see how long he hangs around. He will be gone in a flash because that is all you are to him. This situation has made you miserable and doesn't give you anything except barriers to moving forward.

Stop making excuses. Cut it off now. Give yourself 28 days of detox (no Mr. 'M') and see how much better you feel by the first week of May.

momincali · Apr 5, 2007, 08:49 PM

Emland, I don't understand why you disagreed with my post??

Emland · Apr 6, 2007, 06:14 AM

I hit the wrong button, Momincali, and can't figure out how to undo it. So sorry!

Wildcat21 · Apr 6, 2007, 08:59 AM

He uses her for sex. Nothing more. She can dream up what ever she wants in head. That's reality.

There is NOTHING for a women to justify sleeping gwith a married man... and that's all you do.

Go find a man you ca nbe proud of. I am sure you enjoyed oyur birthday present. What a guy!!

Wildcat21 · Apr 6, 2007, 09:13 AM

It makes me ill hearing these stories over and over.

There is no justification in doing this. It is SOOOOOO unhealthy for someone.

These guys quite frankly are bottom feeders - sleezes, scum, losers.

Not to mention oyu may get STDs as they probably have and will sleep with others.

+ these women can't tel there families or most otheir friends.

All these men do to these women is lie over and over - make promises they never can keep. More lies.

I've seen first hand through many women. So unhealthy.

chuff · Apr 6, 2007, 10:32 AM

"Jesushelper76 agrees: I wonder the same thing. They keep going back for more, then cry poor me. Waa Waa do not cry me a river anymore. Do not want to hear it."

I wish we could agree with agreements on this board. You said it, and I'll be honest this is the nice guy in me that can't come to terms with these types of women when I say this but some of the women deserve exactly what there getting. You said it, these women continue to put themselves in situations and then make excuses for it, and keep doing it for years. All the while they complain that men are pigs, dogs, users, and liars when in fact if they ever got there head out of the married guys they might realize there are real quality, loyal men who do not do cheat or even think about it. But despite the constant statements claiming that's what they want, it for some reason is never good enough for them.

lilliandiana · Apr 6, 2007, 02:33 PM

I am almost afraid to point out some things--just for clarity's sake-- since I am the person who has no self-esteem or self-respect and may or may not deserve what she is getting: USED. But I am not 24 years old. My son is 24--the one who moved out earlier this week. You can do the math as to how old I am--no need to spell THAT out. Does that make me a worse person or just MORE of an idiot?
Can you really be used for sex if you like the sex? (Covers her head and runs for it). I just don't want the impression left that there is a gun to my head as far as the sex or that I am in complete starry-eyed denial about it.
But now that you mention it, if he has a working marriage, why does he need sex from both of us? And before the word "strange" appears, it's been 3 years, I should be about as boring as any wife by now. I haven't been with anyone else in 3 years--maybe I am just a weirdo who likes being with just one man?
As far as my novel--I have written 15 chapters of it. I just have to finish it. Maybe I just have a problem with all endings?

Wildcat21 · Apr 6, 2007, 02:35 PM

... and then 4 years later they wonder were there life is. Why they have no one.

Wildcat21 · Apr 6, 2007, 02:37 PM

Why hasn't he left his marriage?

"Can you really be used for sex if you like the sex?" Of course and you are! You're not in a relationship with anyone. He doesn'tr love you. He probably loves his wife.

lilliandiana · Apr 6, 2007, 02:47 PM

He hasn't left his marriage because it's huge: wife and in-laws and parents and siblings and children--all of whom would be affected. He goes to the beach every year with the whole passle of them. How do you undo all those connections? It's not easy. Why do you act like it is? I was married 13 years and it wasn't easy for me. In fact, it took me nearly 3 years to ease everybody (including myself) into it. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt all those other people.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 6, 2007, 02:50 PM

Nothing but more excuses. You do not get it, it does not seem you ever will.

I guess at this point you can only start to help yourself which you already did to a married man.

What I mean is help yourself get out of this sitaution. It is all on you and nobody else. You have had all the advice and still do not understand a single thing that was said to you.

You're a very blind women.

chuff · Apr 6, 2007, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by lilliandiana

Can you really be used for sex if you like the sex? (Covers her head and runs for it). I just don't want the impression left that there is a gun to my head as far as the sex or that I am in complete starry-eyed denial about it.

That statement says it all. You are in denial.

Can you be used for sex if you like sex? I'm truly at a loss how to respond to that.

Originally Posted by lilliandiana

But now that you mention it, if he has a working marriage, why does he need sex from both of us?

He doesn't have a working marriage. He has a wife and a piece of on the side. You're the piece on the side being used for sex. But it's okay because you like sex.

Originally Posted by lilliandiana

And before the word "strange" appears, it's been 3 years, I should be about as boring as any wife by now.

As long as you can justify it that makes it okay.

Originally Posted by lilliandiana

I haven't been with anyone else in 3 years--maybe I am just a weirdo who likes being with just one man?

Yeah a lot of weirdos like being with one man they don't have to send back to there wife or other side projects.

lilliandiana · Apr 6, 2007, 03:05 PM

So sorry I offended everyone. Have a nice Easter.

chuff · Apr 6, 2007, 03:17 PM

"lilliandiana disagrees: When did I cry about men being pigs or dogs or whatever? I don't feel that way at all. And I am not a "type" of woman. I am an individual and I don't think I deserve to be lumped in a category like a manniken."

Oh Lillian!

Your so right and I along with everybody here have been so wrong and just kidding with you this whole time. Thankfully you've seen through that and corrected the masses He's really a swell guy who loves you deeply and thinks about you constantly. He hates that he's tied to his wife and the big family. He would be such a inspirational and powerful influence on you children like he is his own. In a complex and confusing world, he really is that knight in shining armor. Someday I hope to meet him and shake his hand and say "Sir, you have been a credit to the human race, to Lillian, and to her teachings, which in turn have taught me so much about what is acceptable and what is not."

talaniman · Apr 6, 2007, 03:18 PM

lilliandiana, You must understand that you are on a highly emotional subject where there is no wiggle room at all. Unfortunately you are one of many and I hope you can see where people come from by reading the other post on the very same subject. Just as you want understanding so do we.