[pajju]

My wife had an affair before marriage. She revealed it during our honeymoon, but after 8 year of our marriage also. I am not able to forget it, and I dislike her to the bottom of my heart, she said she will commit suicide if I leave her. We have two daughters now, what should I do?

[excon]

Hello p:

I understand... Get rid of her, and find a virgin if you can. By the way, were YOU a virgin when you met her? Did YOU have any sexual experiences??

Look. Here's what you should do. MAN up! You made a commitment, and you have two daughters. You don't have to forgive her, but STOP making her life miserable.

excon

[Fr_Chuck]

Get professional counseling, where you dating then ? Why and what happened? Did you have sex before you married her ? After all of these years, you learn to deal with it
OR
Leave her, and file for divorce, threating to kill yourself is a form of control, and even emotional abuse, if you can not get over this.

[smkanand]

I think there is lack of trust. She definitely blackmailing you. But it's up to you how you see your present relationship. If you have are happy and loving relationship and family then you might forgive her. If she is threatening too much then better leave her. I don't understand the virgin point though. virgin or not, trust is the issue. I think there are some lines each relationship should have to set.

[Oliver2011]

It is difficult being perfect, is it not? You hold everyone to the highest of standards - the ones that have been set by you. And your kids can only benefit from you hating your wife to the bottoms of your heart. So I see you have their best interest at heart.

Your wife should celebrate if you leave her.

[JudyKayTee]

"I think there is lack of trust. she definitely blackmailing you. but it's up to you how you see your present relationship. if you have are happy and loving relationship and family then you might forgive her. if she is threatening too much then better leave her. I don't understand the virgin point though. virgin or not, trust is the issue. I think there are some lines each relationship should have to set."

Forgive her for what? For having a relationship (I question the word "affair") before marriage? I thought married people had affairs because legal promises and commitments are broken. Other people have relatonships. That's how it works "legally."

I don't think this is a happy and loving relationship if she is threatening to kill herself and he hates her in return.

Yes, this is emotional blackmail.

I question why, 8 years later, 2 children later, this is still in the forefront of OP's mind. Is this an excuse to end the marriage? Obviously it wasn't an excuse not to have children.

I'd love to hear the wife's version of this relationship!

I can also only imagine the hostility in the household (mother threatening suicide, father carrying on about something that happened 8 years ago), and two children are living there.

I think OP should do everyone a favor and either get counselling or leave. My best is that wife will not kill herself.

I also think husband has nothing to "forgive" or, if he did, that time limit passed 8 years ago - more or less. Either let it go or he should go.

[Alty]

When you say affair, do you mean she cheated on you before you were married, that the two of you were dating when she had this affair? Or, do you mean that she had sex with another man before she met you?

Either way, you married her, and then stayed with her for 8 years, and 2 children. If it was this much of a problem you should have had the marriage annulled as soon as you found out.

So why now? What's really going on? What's the real reason you want a divorce?

[JudyKayTee]

And I wonder where this is - is the inability to "forgive" (if that's a good word, and I don't think it is) religious or cultural?