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Geoffersonairplane · Mar 23, 2007, 11:58 AM

Hi guys and gals.

I see a lot of threads here on AMHD about cheating and the pain and trouble that it causes. I am completely against cheating and believe that a person should be 100% faithful at all times, otherwise get shown the front door and change the locks (so to speak).

This has only happened to me once when I was much younger (17) and it was only a short relationship of a few months. One thing I am 99% sure of about my recent ex was that she never cheated on me and I was with her for 3 years. I think she was scared though that she may cheat because of her desire to explore the single life and go wild for a while.. LOL

Anyway, I have been thinking back to that woman many years ago who cheated on me, and even though it was a short term relationship, it still hurt me albeit she was not exactly morally right in the head, in fact she turned out to be a serial cheater.. LOL

Anyway... My question is do people think that in today's society, Cheating either physically or emotionally is commonplace?

Basically, would others here conclude that there is a high percentage of cheaters out there? Also, is there a relationship between age and cheating and is it something which you believe that becomes less commonplace with age or something that follows people throughout life?

Just a general question really while I have my thinking cap on!

NeedKarma · Mar 23, 2007, 12:01 PM

I hope it isn't considered the norm. I think it may be a case of this being a place where only the problems get aired out, not the announcements of healthy relationships. I haven't seen a thread yet that begins with "Girlfriend loyal and loving to me - what should I do?"

:)

kay13 · Mar 23, 2007, 12:03 PM

Hi Geoff, I think cheating is either in a person's nature or it isn't. I don't think it's to do with age.

Yes, I do think it's commonplace and it's not right. How sad is the world today?

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 23, 2007, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

I hope it isn't considered the norm. I think it may be a case of this being a place where only the problems get aired out, not the announcements of healthy relationships. I haven't seen a thread yet that begins with "Girlfriend loyal and loving to me - what should I do?"

:)

I could start a thread like that but it would be pointless, because I would have nothing to add the message except, 'in my dreams'...

LOL.. :rolleyes:

NeedKarma · Mar 23, 2007, 12:11 PM

That's basically my point. Only the unhappy people are posting their relationship problems. The happy ones have no need to be here. You cannot extrapolate what you see here to the general population.

Jiser · Mar 23, 2007, 12:19 PM

I personally think cheating is more common place in the younger generation,s that is not to say older persons don't have desires.

Whilst younger a lot of people are 'exploring' themselves and this I think is the reason why, a lot of peeps cheat and of course perhaps they are not entirely happy with their indivdual circumstances.

Synnen · Mar 23, 2007, 12:52 PM

I think cheating is no more or less common than it ever was in our society. I think that it is like child abuse, rape, and alcoholism--something that existed, but no one would talk about.

That being said... I think that it is people who are taken for granted that cheat once.

I think it is people with low self-esteem, people who need to be wanted, that are chronic cheaters.

Wildcat21 · Mar 23, 2007, 01:23 PM

Qyite frankly I feel it's a epidemic... a lot of it is based on people getting married too young.

That's why we ALWAYS say here GO SLOW. LEARN ABOUT THIS PERSON. YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW SOMEONE UNTIL ABOUT 1 YEAR.

talaniman · Mar 23, 2007, 01:39 PM

Cheating is done by selfish and dishonest people, who can justify their actions with so much BS that the can't see what they are doing is wrong, and don't care who gets hurt as long as they get what they want, not what they deserve. This behaviour is normal for selfish dishonest, uncaring people.

Squiffy · Mar 23, 2007, 01:45 PM

I think cheating is more commonplace because nowadays it is so much easier to do. My ex husband cheated on me many times, most of the women he cheated on me with were women he found on dating websites.

Saying that, it may just be that cheaters seem more common because they are less tolerated. From what I understand of history, it was commonplace for men to have their mistress, and the little wives had to accept it, whereas nowadays they don't have to, they expect their partners to be faithful.

whiteladybug2002 · Mar 23, 2007, 02:05 PM

I think people have always cheated, but way back when... they kept it secret! Now days, people have no shame! They cheat and share it with the world.

I have been cheated on and I have cheated, but it doesn't make anything right! It is all wrong, but it is too easy to make up excuses sometimes. No, I don't cheat anymore... and it has been a loooong time since I last did, but when I did, I think it hurt me more than them?

NowWhat · Mar 23, 2007, 02:59 PM

I think, also, that cheating is common place in our society. Look at our divorce rate - 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. What does that say about us as a whole? I think if more value was put on the vows we take in our marriage ceremony and if we were held more accountable to the commitment we make - maybe things like cheating would not happen. We are an instant gratification society. Working hard to make things the way we want takes so much time and these day we want things NOW. We want to feel good now, we want to be successful now - forget the hard work that goes along with it.

I have been cheated on and the effects are devastating. I can't imagine inflicting so much pain on another person.

SouthernBelle06 · Mar 23, 2007, 03:33 PM

I have been cheated on. An ex that I dated off and on for 8 years cheated (admitted it to me himself) and I was devastated. His cheating messed up myself esteem and stupidly I took him back a few times only to have the same thing happen again. I finally found the strength to end it after he lied to me one too many time. I was still devastated by everything though because I did love this guy. He has actually cheated on all of his girlfriends, not just me though. During times that he and I were split up, he would come over and hit on me even if he was currently dating someone else. I finally realized that it was he who had the problem not me and I finished with him for good.

My most recent split was devastating to me in a different way. This was the first guy I truly cared for since the 8 year ex and I finally found myself trusting a guy again. This meant a lot to me. I took things slow too. So when he wound up leaving me for another girl I was totally heartbroken all over again. He just told me out of nowhere that he met a girl who was a friend of a friend at a holiday get together and wound up talking to her and decided he really liked her and thought she liked him and therefore he broke up with me to be with her. Yes, he and I were exclusive at the time that he did this. I don't know if this would be technically considered cheating on his part or not because he said "nothing happened" which I suppose meant nothing physical. However I felt as betrayed as when I was cheated on by my other ex. He wound up leaving me to be with her anyway.

Perhaps the second situation was not technically cheating (though I think it may have been a type of emotional cheating), but I wound up being dumped for someone else just the same. He was very angry when I told him that I felt that what he did was emotional cheating. I don't know what it would technically be classified as, but I felt very betrayed and couldn't remain in touch with him as friends (something that he had asked for). Since I am a nice person, I am struggling with guilt over not being his friend. Should I feel guilty? I just don't know. I have struggled with this second breakup a lot. :(

origins13 · Mar 23, 2007, 06:17 PM

I personally am 100% against cheating! It's a BIG NO NO.

Perhaps because I was once a victim. My ex cheated on me few years ago and I felt devastated. I remember the day I found out, I literally couldn't breath and cried hysterically. But I forgave him at the end and we got back together. So this time when he broke up with me and started seeing someone else, though technically it's not cheating, I was heartbroken all over again.

I admit that during the time when I was with my ex, I met a guy who was very sweet to me and was very persistent despite knowing that I have a boyfriend. I think if I wasn't with my ex at the time, I would be going out with him. But at the end, I knew well that I love my ex and didn't want to do anything to hurt him, I cut contact with that guy. So not sure if that's considered cheating? I know many of my friends went through similar situations but didn't do anything at the end.

I think we're now in a world with many options. Some of us probably forgot what relationship is about.

Matt3046 · Mar 23, 2007, 07:02 PM

I think that too many people are with people that they don't really like. For one reason or another, they feel they can't leave but want someone else. Is it wrong I have been on both sides, and I just don't think it as simple as right or wrong.

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 24, 2007, 04:44 AM

Originally Posted by Matt3046

I think that too many people are with people that they don't really like. For one reason or another, they feel they can't leave but want someone else. Is it wrong I have been on both sides, and I just don't think it as simple as right or wrong.

Yes.. it is wrong if you stay with someone you don't feel anything for and then cheat. It is right to end the relationship and then find someone you are happy with otherwise it is not fair on the other person in the relationship who is with someone that does not reciprocate the same love in a genuine way.

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 24, 2007, 04:48 AM

Originally Posted by origins13

I admit that during the time when I was with my ex, I met a guy who was very sweet to me and was very persistent despite knowing that I have a bf. I think if I wasn't with my ex at the time, I would be going out with him.

Not to judge this guy too much because I can't say for sure but I bet if he succeeded, that nice, sweet button would fade fast. I've seen that before, when a guy sees a challenge and tries every trick in the book to make a woman believe that and then things change once he wins...

Then again, he may have been a genuine nice person... It takes time to realise what people are really like but a little instinct can help too.

I applaud you for cutting contact with him for the benefit of your relationship.

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 24, 2007, 04:51 AM

Originally Posted by SouthernBelle06

Perhaps the second situation was not technically cheating (though I think it may have been a type of emotional cheating), but I wound up being dumped for someone else just the same. He was very angry when I told him that I felt that what he did was emotional cheating. I don't know what it would technically be classified as, but I felt very betrayed and couldn't remain in touch with him as friends (something that he had asked for). Since I am a nice person, I am struggling with guilt over not being his friend. Should I feel guilty? I just don't know. I have struggled with this second breakup a lot. :(

Personally, I would be inclined to judge that second situation as emotional cheating and that can hurt just as much as physical cheating because the heart of your partner is being given to someone else, the emotional attachment is being broken, so that is bound to hurt.

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.. Friendship would have been so hard to keep with this guy much the same as it would have been with my ex too..

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 24, 2007, 04:55 AM

So...

I have another question guys and gals.

My question is, how do most people find out that they have been cheated on?? Other than catching their partner in the act or spying on them (which seems wrong).. or being told by the cheater.

Is it just a feeling that something is not right?

Jiser · Mar 24, 2007, 06:34 AM

My ex told me she had cheated on me. The 2nd time she kissed someone she did it our 'break' haha. Grinding with blokes and her ex's. God what a sl*t she was. I took her back time and time again what a fool I was.