[CFZD]

Hello y'all, I have been going out with this gentleman since January. So 5 months total as of today, we went out about once a week.
We get alone well.
At the bed of each date, he won't hug me first or never kissed me. I tried to give him a hug, then he hugs me. He is 10 years older than me, I am 27, he is 37.
Is that normal? Does he like me?

[JudyKayTee]

"At the bed of each date, he won't hug me first or never kissed me."

At the bed of each date? I assume you were thinking "bed" but meant to say "end."

Presumably he knows why he doesn't want any level of physical intimacy with you. Have you asked him?

You have at least six threads about your relationships with men - which man is better for you, why a man does or thinks this or that. Have you worked through any of those issues? I realize you have said you are "married" to your career and have relocated many times for your employer. Do you have female friends where you live now, friends you can talk to?

[CFZD]

"At the bed of each date, he won't hug me first or never kissed me."

At the bed of each date? I assume you were thinking "bed" but meant to say "end."

Presumably he knows why he doesn't want any level of physical intimacy with you. Have you asked him?

End, not bed. Good catch.

I don't know. He is my colleague but he asks me out first. I was actually not sure about office romance, he insisted. He is in a different department.

[CFZD]

End, not bed. Good catch.

I don't know. He is my colleague but he asks me out first. I was actually not sure about office romance, he insisted. He is in a different department.

All I know that he never had a long term girlfriend, each time was only couple months or less.

[JudyKayTee]

I would not go near anyone who works for the same company. Things end badly and it's a very, very difficult situation.

Maybe he's a work friend who needs company, who wants to go places as a friend, not as boyfriend/girlfriend.

Again - ask him.

[CFZD]

He buys me necklace for my birthday and pays for lots of the dates. What kind of friend is that?
Can't ask him, I feel weird to ask him that. :-(

[JudyKayTee]

Spending money and caring for someone are two different things. I have male friends. I buy them birthday gifts and the other way around.

We get together. Usually they pay (because it's the man thing) but sometimes I pay because I get to the check first.

I think you are trying to add apples and oranges.

As I said, you've been in confusing dating situations before. You seem to have difficult understanding men. They aren't a different species.

If you have been dating for six months, you work with him, you can't ask him where the relationship is or isn't going or why he does or doesn't hug/kiss you, then you are in the wrong relationship, whether it's friendship or something else.

[CFZD]

I have difficulty understanding men. I work with men everyday, 90% my colleagues are men. I haven't figured any man out yet... lol.

[JudyKayTee]

I work in a very male-dominated "industry," very much like you.

I have never dated anyone I've worked with - it's not worth what the ultimate cost could be.

I also don't try to figure men out. I pretty much don't try to figure women out - unless I'm paid to figure out either sex. I think men are not a separate species, just a separate sex. I don't know that there are big underlying differences.

I can't decide from our previous posts back and forth if you are having cultural problems with dating, religious, perhaps were very sheltered and now are in a world of men, something else - ? You have asked for the help of strangers trying to figure out who you should and should not date.

I think you need to take a deep breath and perhaps stop trying to figure men out. Let one try to figure you out - and see where that goes.

Part of the charm of my significant other (and I hate that phrase) is that I can't always figure him out.

[jakester]

There was a movie I saw recently called "Teddy Bear" about a hulking body builder who is absolutely afraid of women. He could crush most guys with his strength but put a tiny, petite blonde woman in front of him and he is afraid. Check out the storyline: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/22/mo...kold.html?_r=0

I'll say this, this man probably likes you a lot judging by the gifts he buys and for taking you out to dinner. His problem is that he is terrified of you. What I mean is that he is a total beta male and is afraid to not only make the first move on you but to make any move on you. His internal dialogue when he is ending a date with you would be interesting to understand.

In short, no, it's not normal behavior for a man to be doing all of these things for you without making his intent known. His intent is weak so it's hard for you to understand his motives. I mean, if you are OK with hanging out with him and enjoy his company as friends, then what is the harm? But if you do like him and want him to reciprocate your attraction to him, why not draw him out a little. At the end of a date, you could touch his arm (like a caress on the elbow) and say that you enjoyed his company. See what he does. You could also lean in for a hug and then after the embrace, pull away slightly enough so you can see his face and then hold his gaze. Again, see what he does with that. If he does nothing, then either he is totally scared of intimacy (because he has baggage with being intimate), really inexperienced with women and doesn't know how to kiss, etc. or a combination of both.

I think a neutral way of finding out the answers to your questions from him directly are to bring up the topics of dating, kissing, making the first move, during your interaction at dinner or whenever you are together. Bring it up naturally, of course. But indirectly pick his brain about girlfriends, kissing, that kind of stuff. This way you may find out where he is really at in a non-direct, threatening way.