Check out some similar questions!

iminlove26 · May 24, 2013, 07:12 AM

I'm a 20 + old guy (in the closet gay). Although acting straight (but can’t). I'm in love with a straight guy who works in my company. He is so cute and handsome and of course the cherry of all gals (and me). I love him to death.

He enjoys my company and so do I enjoy his, but problem is I’m deeply and desperately in love with him. My brain thinks like a girl when he’s around and I automatically turn gentle. I get jealous when he’s around other guys and also with beautiful gals. I try to get his attention. I keep thinking about him 24x7 and cry till I sleep. Sometimes I feel like hurting myself, but all the images of religion and hell comes in thoughts which stops me. I’m dying from inside.

Gals I respect you but you know a guy’s feeling for guys is just like a gal feeling for a guy. I know that you gals will hate me for that but I cannot help it. Guys will hate me for that as most of them are homophobic. But straight guys you’ll are lucky and born right. We are not. We can’t help it. You know if you were born like that how hard it is to have someone close to you and you cannot do anything because it’s not right. I wish I was born a gal or really straight. I wish I at least be his friend. The day when he marries will be the hardest thing for me.

Guys, if you are like me then please help me how to forget or just try to forget him. I love him so much. But for my wellbeing I need to be away from him. Please advise me some techniques.

Thanks to you all.

odinn7 · May 24, 2013, 07:39 AM

First, you really need to get a grip...

Second, it kind of pisses me off that you will come here and say what you just said:

Gals I respect you but you know... a guys feeling for guys is just like a gal feeling for a guy. I know that you gals will hate me for that but I cannot help it. Guys will hate me for that as most of them are homophobic.

Making a statement like that right off makes me think that you're trolling us... How great of you to automatically assume that women will hate you and all guys are homophobes. Nothing like stereotyping, huh? But what really gets me is that you think you have it all figured out... like being gay makes you have feelings for someone that you can't control while being straight is like a blessing because you can shut feelings off.

But straight guys you'll are lucky and born right. We are not. We can't help it. You'd know if you were born like that. How hard it is to have someone close to you and you cannot do anything because its not right.

You think no straight person had to deal with having deep feelings for someone and not being able to act on it? Wake up and join the real world. Plenty of us have to go through this... I went through it for over 10 years... but the difference is that I realized I couldn't do anything about it and instead of crying and whining about it, I moved forward. This is what you should do as well. Being gay doesn't give you any special privileges or feelings that others don't also experience. If you look at this in a realistic way, you're no worse off than anyone else when it comes to having feelings for someone... but again, the difference as I said, is to not sit and think about it all day long like you have some sort of curse over you.

Oliver2011 · May 24, 2013, 08:22 AM

"But straight guys youll are lucky and born right. We are not."

EXCUSE ME? The only explanation that I will accept for the statement above is that you were dropped repeatedly on your head as a baby. How dare you place judgement on the entire gay community. What gives you that right? I will answer it for you - nobody and nothing gives you that right.

Just because you have internal turmoil about who you are doesn't mean the rest of us do. You may try liking yourself for who you are and then maybe others will like you. If you were a card carrying member of the World Gay Community I would kick you out. Gay people get bashed enough but it is really unacceptable to bash from the inside. What an immature jerk you are.

Oh yeah, one more thing. The above is HARSH and was meant to be.

odinn7 · May 24, 2013, 08:42 AM

HA! I was so caught up in my fury that I completely missed that point that Oliver made... and it's a good point too. I was angry enough about how I'm lucky simply because I'm straight... whew...

Cat1864 · May 24, 2013, 08:54 AM

I'm a 20 + old guy (in the closet gay). Although acting striaght(but cant). I'm in love with a straight guy who works in my co. he is so cute and handsome. And of course the cherry of all gals (and me). I love him to death. He enjoys my company and so do I enjoy his. But problem is I'm deeply & desperately in love with him. My brain thinks like a girl when he's around and I automatically turn gentle. I get jealous when he's around other guys and also with beautiful gals. I try to get his attention. I keep thinking about him 24x7 and cry till I sleep. Sometimes I feel like hurting me but all the images of religion and hell comes in thoughts which stops me from hurting myself. I'm dying from inside. Gals I respect you but you know... a guys feeling for guys is just like a gal feeling for a guy. I know that you gals will hate me for that but I cannot help it. Guys will hate me for that as most of them are homophobic. But straight guys youll are lucky and born right. We are not. We can't help it. youd know if you were born like that. how hard it is to have someone close to you and you cannot do anything because its not right. I wish I was born a gal or really straight. I wish I at least be his friend. The day when he marries will be the hardest thing for me. Guys if you are like me then please help me how to forget or just try to forget him. I love him so much. But for my well being I need to be away from him. Please advise me some techniques. Thanks to you all.

But you don't always claim to be born gay, do you? You posted this on an old thread (now closed) and I think it needs to be added here because it helps explain part of your background:

Originally Posted by iminlove26

well I have a same story like you. I'm a guy Well i was molested & raped and used by 2 of my cousin brother and that to for a period of 4 yrs from when i was 11 yrs old to such extent that if I was a gal I would get pregnant. i feel so terrible as i have turned secrectly gay now and cannot get attraction towards gals atall. Done by my cousins!! Its at least forgivable, but dear. I really cannot fathom that you own brother biological did this to you. That's very bad. Why don't you take action regarding this or get yourself into a forum with counseller if your brother had remorse of what he did to you. Understand that he must have done it in the adoloscent age as things get curious. But definitely this is sad and heart breaking stuff.. you need to get a counseller immediately. If not helpful then let me know. Dear.

I think you need to take the advice you gave the other person and seek out a counselor. You cannot keep blaming everyone else. It is time to take responsibility and get the help you need.

iminlove26 · May 24, 2013, 09:22 AM

Guys guys guys... Forgive me if I have hurt you all. Its was not for you. I really meant the problem was for me. I do not have any problem with ANYONE IN SPECIFIC.. I just have problem with ME... Im sorry sorry sorry . Didn't mean to hurt anyone. Im very sorry. Forgive please do not comment any more... Im sorry;.

odinn7 · May 24, 2013, 09:25 AM

Stop apologizing.

After reading that comment about what happened to you when you were younger, things are a little more clear. No, it doesn't make what you said right but it at least shows us why you say it.

It's pretty clear that you don't like yourself. It's pretty clear that you are also traumatized from what happened to you. You do need to see a counselor to talk about this and get some professional help. Living with this burden and what you went through is not good for you.

iminlove26 · May 24, 2013, 09:37 AM

Odinn7,

Firstly, Thank you very much for understanding. And Well that makes me feel better now after you in person, replied to my comment. I didn't mean to hurt any one. I will try to get help. Although I have forgiven my cousins but as you said I am traumatized. Really. Being an Indian I have never opened this topic to anyone. Although, I will try to get help for me though it is hard for me to open up. But ill try. Problem is I just can't get over the guy I'm fallen for and I'm in depression all the time when I remember him. And this guy is very straight. He won't accept me even if I tell him. Advise me what to do dear. Really. It is so confusing. Will wait for your reply.

Thank you.

odinn7 · May 24, 2013, 09:40 AM

Forget about him... nothing good can come from this. If he is not gay, you can't make him gay and he will probably turn against you. Just forget about him. You need to work on yourself first. This is one thing that counseling will help you with. It will help you with what you went through and it will help you to deal with situations like this without making it into such a big deal.

iminlove26 · May 24, 2013, 09:45 AM

Thank you buddy,

I will try to be away from him and focus on other things. Or else this is going to kill me surely from inside all my life.

I will keep you updated. Thanks much.

Oliver2011 · May 24, 2013, 09:55 AM

I have empathy for you regarding your past. If you don't know what the word “empathy” means, look it up. It is much different than sympathy.

Along with much needed counseling, you need to learn a few things as you become more of a man.

1) What happened to you when you were a child was not your fault and not about sex. It was violence perpetrated against you.
2) When you are gay, being gay is only a small part of the man you are. You have other attributes and talents that make up who you are. Learn to appreciate those as well as being gay. Then and only then you will see yourself as a complete man and someone you care about.
3) Learn to love and appreciate the simple things in life. The love of a dog, flowers, crystal blue skies, exercising, smiling, close friends, whatever makes you happy.
4) Embrace your past as your past. There is nothing we can do to erase our past so we need to overcome the bad parts and love the good parts. We also need to realize that we aren't the only people out there that have had bad things happen to us. Everyone has to overcome tough spots and when we do life is oh so much better.

What I said before is true. You need to do these things to love yourself. Because until that happens you won't find that special person to love you. Trust me. I've been in the depths of despair too and I made it out. If I can overcome then you can as well.

Oliver2011 · May 24, 2013, 10:22 AM

Now as far as falling in love with a straight guy.

NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Every young gay guy does it and we all fall flat on our faces when we get rejected. I've done it more than once. So stay away from the straight guys as far as a love interest goes.

But based on what you are going through, you need to work on you first. Once you get that on the way to recovery, you will be fine and I am sure you will find someone.

Jake2008 · May 24, 2013, 10:23 AM

I'm going to assume that you didn't post here to insult, or unjustly characterize people as being sexist or homophobic.

But what that does say to me at least, is that you are unsure of your own sexuality; how you feel, who you think you are, how you fit in, and why you are having the feelings you have, and, how you are trying to make sense and justify them.

My advice to you is, start with the confusion/justification of being gay. That you are 'in the closet' as you've said, means you cannot face the world being who you are, and that is the denominator to how all your relationships, interests, and attractions to men, will fit into your life.

In my opinion, you need to seek help from a gay association, group, organization, and any university/college nearby that offers services to those struggling with what you are struggling with now.

When you are comfortable with who you are, and can live you life comfortably in what is natural for you without hiding and justifying and comparing yourself to straight's, then is the time to think about a gay relationship.

The gay community can help you so much. You won't be judged, and will be helped in understanding who you are, so that you can enjoy your life without all this confusion you are going through.

Nobody can 'make' you gay anymore than anybody can 'make' you straight. Or bi. This world we have to survive in has many people, exactly like you, who struggle with the same issues, and the same stress, of living a life that is secret. And when you keep such a secret, from yourself, and from the world, you are being short changed in living a full and happy life.

Please seek guidance and support. Until you are at peace with who you are, I do not recommend a relationship with any partner.

talaniman · May 24, 2013, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by iminlove26

Odinn7,

Firstly, Thank you very much for understanding. And Well that makes me feel better now after you in person, replied to my comment. I didnt mean to hurt any one. I wil try to get help. Although i have forgiven my cousins but as you said i am traumatized. really. Being an Indian i have never opened this topic to anyone. although, i will try to get help for me though it is hard for me to open up. but ill try. Problem is i just can't get over the guy im fallen for and im in depression all the time when i remember him. And this guy is very straight. he wont accept me even if i tell him. Advise me wht to do dear. really. it is so confusing. Will wait for your reply.

Thank you.

You must first heal to unload your baggage from the past and then you can be professional at work, as you learn to cope and deal with your own feelings which are natural and to be expected. The urges to cross the lines of good behavior will fade as you focus on healthier areas of your life and learn to be happy with yourself and the things you do, and not obsess over the things you want, but KNOW you can't have.

We learn early just because we have feelings for others doesn't mean they have the same feelings so we accept the difference and behave accordingly with the reality of it.

You are only 20ish, and have yet to learn how, but you will. You are still learning about YOU!

joypulv · May 24, 2013, 12:02 PM

Thanks to the internet, gays in India are able to connect with each other much more easily than 10+ years ago. I for one forgive you some of your stereotyped remarks.

Also, not every young man who is raped by other men grows up to be gay. Some do. Some feel a need to have sex with men to punish them, or because it's all they know, or because they are too ashamed to be straight, or too confused to sort out what they want. From the way you write, you really are gay. Perhaps you were gay at 11, before a cousin touched you. Hopefully you will find out who you are in therapy, or a peer group of abused young men.

Homegirl 50 · May 24, 2013, 02:25 PM

I think you are in a way punishing yourself with this unrealistic love for this straight man. You can't and won't have to act on it but it gives you something other than your horrible past to fixate on.
Get some counseling, get help from a reputable gay group. This straight guy is not going to change who and what you are, whoever that is.

Cat1864 · May 24, 2013, 04:38 PM

Iminlove, if you let us know what country you are living in, we will even help you find out what resources are available to you. I understand that it isn't uncommon these days to work in a different country than the one where you were born.

iminlove26 · May 25, 2013, 04:11 AM

In india.

iminlove26 · May 28, 2013, 08:20 PM

I'm a guy.. hello dears. Trying hard to be away from him.. the more away I go far from him, the more it hurts.. what to do. I cannot concentrate on anything I'm restless. I need someone. Can anyone give me a nice dating site where I can find someone otherwise. Or else I might hurt myself. My feelings for him are manifesting into pain & danger to myself now.

Can't control anymore. I just want to hear his voice every day... I know this will not go on forever. I can't control my feelings and emotions.. :( :( :( sad sad sad here. depressed.

odinn7 · May 28, 2013, 08:32 PM

We already told you that you need to seek professional help to deal with what you've been through and what you're experiencing... now you're going off the deep end here just a few days later... you need help that we don't seem to be able to give you and help that you don't seem to want to actually get.