Check out some similar questions!

ladydee27 · May 9, 2013, 07:01 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for 3yrs. He says I mean the world to him and loves me like he's never loved anyone before, so why am I still waiting for him to make a commitment to me?

We had a discussion about our future and the fact our relationship hasn't moved on and when the subject of marriage came up he said he wasn't in a position to, what's that supposed to mean? Surely if you love someone that much and have already told that person that you want to marry them, what are they waiting for? Whenever I tell him how I feel or bring the subject of our lack of moving forward he tells me I'm having a go at him and he's feeling henpecked, all I want is for him to be honest with me.

My ex told me I'd never find anyone who would 'take me on' and marry/live with me and I'm kind of thinking he may have been right all along! We live an hour drive from each other and he works long hours so we only see each other twice a week if I'm lucky.

I'm beginning to think we'll never get anywhere. Any advice would be great. Thanks.

cdad · May 9, 2013, 07:17 PM

How old are you? Also if he says he's not in a position to get married then it may have been his way of saying he is already married. You need to find out what is really going on.

talaniman · May 9, 2013, 07:21 PM

If 3 years isn't enough to tell you this this isn't progressing then I really fail to see the point of investing more time and effort, or wasting more time.

joypulv · May 9, 2013, 07:46 PM

He saying you mean the world to him doesn't give any clues about how much love is actually happening between you two, day to day. And you don't say anything about what he means to you, other than wanting a commitment. It makes me wonder if you are seeing the forest for the trees? Do you want this man or do you just want marriage? Do you want someone who works long hours and feels henpecked at the mention of talking about your future?

I wouldn't...

ladydee27 · May 9, 2013, 11:52 PM

Thanks for comments so far. He's in his 40s, never been married. Comes from a very close greek family. I love him and want to grow old with him so it's not that I just want marriage. I know it isn't the be all and end all of a relationship, but it is important to me and what it stands for.

talaniman · May 10, 2013, 06:06 AM

Look around for better options to happiness. This does not appear to be a viable path to what you want. Obviously he doesn't want what YOU want and offered no plan to changing that position.

joypulv · May 10, 2013, 07:46 AM

Could he work long hours, come home, and be totally taken care of - cooking, cleaning, laundry, everything? Sometimes the big warm happy family is just so nice and easy.

And/or one grown son left is expected to remain at or near home, even if it's never said.

The catch is that he can decide that he wants children any old time, just about, whereas you can't, and there's nothing wrong with saying so in no uncertain terms. Just plan it for a time when emotions aren't running high, and have a plan with a deadline, or else you are breaking up. But mean it if you say it.

Cat1864 · May 10, 2013, 08:18 AM

Does he have family commitments that he feels are affecting his future? How intrusive is his family in his life? Has he learned to put boundaries in place to keep them from running his life?

I suggest forgetting what your ex said. Some exes like to leave a parting gift in the form of a seed of insecurity. If it takes root, it can affect how you feel and react to even the smallest of hurdles in future relationships.

How often do discussions about the future come up? Between you? Between him and other people such as friends and family?

I see three main options:

1. Ask him what he means when he says 'he isn't in a position to' get married? See where that discussion leads. See if there is a way to work together to find a compromise. Getting engaged doesn't mean getting married next week.

2. Propose to him. Let him know that you aren't expecting an immediate wedding, but you need more than empty words. You don't want to 'henpeck' him, but you do want to feel more a part of his life and future than you do right now. You want to be his partner.

3. Decide you have waited around long enough and move on.

No matter what you decide to do about this relationship, work on feeling secure in your relationship with yourself. It will be there regardless of who else is in your life.

Let the past go so it isn't a burden in the present and future.

Jake2008 · May 10, 2013, 08:27 AM

Cat has nailed this one.

I only want to add that you have been wise to start to set some limits, and expectations as to where the relationship is going. Where does he want it to go, is something he should be able to answer honestly after four years.

ladydee27 · May 10, 2013, 12:40 PM

Again thanks for your comments. The three option Cat mentioned are something I've been thinking about. I am going to ask him to clarify what he means by 'I'm not in a position... ' but again I don't want him to think I'm going on at him, by mentioning it. I will say about wanting to feel more of a part of his life and future than I do now. Thanks.