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    sarahpayne01's Avatar
    sarahpayne01 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    May 5, 2013, 07:58 AM
    Should I end my affair?
    I myself am married, but I have fallen in love with a co-worker. He is sixteen years my senior. This is my first affair, but he has had many flings in his past. He says he loves me more than any woman before in his life. And when I have tried to break it off in the past he begs me back and says he can not live with out me. He knows I want to divorce my husband since I am not in love with him, and I only married him because we have a child together.

    He thinks I should stay with my husband until my daughter at least turns eighteen. He has two grown children who still live at home since they go to college. And he tells me he loves his wife because she is the mother of his children, but he is not in love with her. But then again he would find it hard to leave her since she has done nothing wrong. And when I was going to divorce my husband he talked me out if it. And he was worried to dealth about me looking for someone else.

    Even when I have left him in the past he wants me to promise I will not date anyone we know, and threathens harm to me and anyone I pursue. I love him, I do but I think I love him more than he does me.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #2

    May 5, 2013, 08:18 AM
    Please read your own post carefully, and with pen and paper, jot down the reasons the decision to have an affair with this man can only go horribly wrong.

    This will end in disaster if you don't take control of your own life, and make appropriate decisions with the facts you have.

    I think you know you have to end the relationship, and your married boyfriend knows it too, thus he is upping the ante so to speak, by threatening you with harm if you tell.

    It makes no difference if this is your first affair, or not. It is an affair, and it should not be happening. If your marriage is in trouble, and there is no hope it will survive after you have tried (marriage counselling for starters), then divorce. But, to think you'll have another man on the other end to run to immediately after, you are a fool.

    So many have been in your position, and we have the statistics to prove how successful these relationships are. They aren't. Not by any stretch, can good come of you remaining with your husband, and carrying on an affair behind his back, with a married man.

    Look at the cold, hard facts. And consider the fact that your child will also suffer. The truth that will eventually be known to her if you keep this up, will affect her life, and her relationships, based on the role model you've turned out to be.

    Step up, do the right thing, starting with letting the married man go find somebody else to believe his b.s.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #3

    May 5, 2013, 09:00 AM
    You have got to be kidding me right? He isn't leaving his wife and has cheated on her many times, while she has done nothing wrong.

    I will be blunt, you have been groomed to be his latest chick on the side under threat and manipulation, and you sure do love him more than he loves you. You are going from a failed marriage on your part to a controlling affair and that's not love, nor is it healthy since he has threatened you.

    Go home and handle your family business why don't you and find a way to get healthy and find your dignity and elf respect again. Your life is very messy right now and you have much to clean up.

    This is a sad situation and you really do need some honest talking with your husband.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #4

    May 5, 2013, 09:12 AM
    '.. says he can not live with out me.'

    Obviously he can, because he IS living with his wife.

    I knew that my mother had had a fling, but I had no idea until after she died that she had pursued him after he went back to where he lived. She had kept letters and pictures... it was so pathetic it it's naïveté and hopelessness. If you could see your affair outside of yourself (even though he is the one trying to hang on to you), it would look pathetic too.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    May 5, 2013, 10:07 AM
    You are being "taken for a ride". It's one of the oldest tricks in the books. I am 71 yrs old, and have known other people doing the same thing as you and your "boyfriend".
    It won't work for either of you. Getting married for the sake of a child is a very, very poor excuse for getting married. Now you are miserable, your husband knows it, and you both are looking for a way out. Your older "boyfriend" is a joke for a person and a husband.
    Forget about this man, and at least try making a "go" of your marriage.
    garboozle's Avatar
    garboozle Posts: 139, Reputation: -5
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    May 5, 2013, 11:09 AM
    You're okay with him making THREATS to you?? That is utterly ridiculous, and this is coming from someone who has a warped view on relationships. The fact he thinks he can just threaten you into staying with him shows he has some serious issues. This person is restricting your freedom and if you stay with him it will only give him the message that this is acceptable and if something pops up in the future, guess how he's going to persuade you? Threats.

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