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stupidme · Mar 22, 2007, 03:37 AM

So, my husband had a 1 night stand 2 1/2 years ago. We got through it however now this girl has gone to family court and got a court order for child support for twins that are about 1 1/2 years old. We didn't even know until his wages were being taken and given to her. He swears he wore a condom and it only happened once. He never hear from her. How can she get a court order without proof of paternity. She didn't even know his last name at the time. What can we do to stop? Who has to pay for the paternity test?

Another side note... he has a 6 year old daughter from his 1st marriage that he pays child support for. If these twins are his, does it then work on a percentage of his income as right now he is paying more then 70%.

talaniman · Mar 22, 2007, 04:33 AM

Get the paternity test first, and if its his, oh well. I think you bear the costs of the test, but if he is not the father you can sue to get all your money back.

ScottGem · Mar 22, 2007, 06:54 AM

You received NO notice until his wages were garnished? I really find that hard to believe.

But what has probably happened here is the mother applied for public assistance. The family services agency is not going to use taxpayer money when there is a father to foot the bill. So they asked her to identify the father and she identified your husband. They then obtained a court order for child support.

How they did this without contacting your husband and without doing a paternity test is beyond me. But that's water under the bridge. If I were you, I'd get an attorney to put a hold on the support payments pending the results of a paternity test. After the test comes back, you can decide how to proceed. If the tests are negative the garnishment will be rescinded and the amounts taken should be refunded.

millec · Mar 22, 2007, 09:12 AM

I have 2 children, 2 different fathers. I have been through every possible child support situation out there over the past 11 years. I have never seen or heard of a case where they can garnish his wages without his knowledge or without being given the chance to take a paternity test. What if its not his child? They can not force him to pay for someone else's kids. I have both of my kids fathers on child support (even though they don't pay). The first thing they had to do was contact the father to let him know that there is a kid out there that someone is trying to get child support for and he has been named as being the father. The guy is then given the chance to say whether he believes the kid is his, if he says the kid is not his a paternity test is done. If the test comes back positive he is set for court to determine how much will be paid. Some guys request that it is taken out of there paychecks so that they don't have to "remember" to pay it. The only other time that I know they will garnish wages is when he has refused to pay. I have a friend, he has twin daughters 5 yrs old. When they were to the mother received government assistance. She listed him as the father. He was incarcerated at the time. They went to the jail to collect dna for the paternity test. When it came back positive the jail transported him to court when it was time to do so. He was informed that he was to start paying 30 days from his release date. When he did finally get a job his wages were garnished for back pay. So with that being said... YOUR HUSBAND WAS INFORMED, HE KNEW, HE JUST DID NOT TELL YOU AND TRIED TO IGNORE THE SITUATION.

stupidme · Mar 22, 2007, 11:15 PM

[ So with that being said... YOUR HUSBAND WAS INFORMED, HE KNEW, HE JUST DID NOT TELL YOU AND TRIED TO IGNORE THE SITUATION.[/QUOTE]

When he had the affair we weren't married yet. We just got married this past August. I really believe he's not lying... he couldn't hide that from me. This is my second marriage and I am way to observate and he really isn't that smart.

We did contact a lawyer and he put a 30 day stop to the court order. We meet with him tomorrow. I believe the lawyer now has the court order. I guess the next step is the dna test. Not sure who has to pay for that?

ScottGem · Mar 23, 2007, 05:38 AM

You did the right thing in getting an attorney. So put them to work. I'm not sure what the law would be in this instance, whether the burden of proof is on you or the state/mother. That would determine who pays for the test.

But I would also have a frank talk with your husband. Tell him you understand how he might have been embarrassed by this and want to keep it from you, you appreciate him trying to protect you. Tell him this happened before you knew each other and it doesn't affect how you feel about him, that you plan on standing by him. But he needs to tell the whole story to the lawyer. If he did know about this beforehand (and I really can't believe it got this far without him knowing something), then he needs to fess up to it.

NY_Mom · Mar 25, 2007, 02:55 PM

Everyone is assuming he was informed.

There is always a chance they mailed him and it was never received thus never disputed?

I know we get stuff from our state government and it's been going to another address for some odd reason and we don't always get the mail.

If they gave a specific date/time for him to dispute it or they will start garnishing wages and it was never received... well, you get the idea.

I'm not sure if it could work like that, but yeah.

You stated she didn't have his last name, well clearly she did. You also said he isn't that smart.

Maybe he didn't use a condom - or maybe it broke. Maybe he did tell her his last name.

Time plays tricks on memories, he may not have remembered it accurately and told you what he thought was accurate. Especially if he was drunk at the time...

ScottGem · Mar 25, 2007, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by NY_Mom

Everyone is assuming he was informed.

Not quite. But for this to go as far as a garnishment, it just seems unlikely. If he was not served in the original court case. To garnish his wages they have to know where to contact him. So its just hard for me to believe this came as such a complete surprise.

talaniman · Mar 25, 2007, 05:48 PM

Whatever the circumstances a DNA test is recommended and needed.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 25, 2007, 05:51 PM

You can through checking court records who was and when and how they were served, so make sure hubby knows this, and askhim one more time if there was something he may have forgotten, but if they did get all of this without, you will challenge the DNA but basically if the DNA is a match.

But also for the child support, they had to know where he worked, how much he made at this job and more to get the child support order issued.

But the first thing is to find out if the DNA matches or not. And go from there.

stupidme · Mar 25, 2007, 07:32 PM

So what happened was we had a fight and he went out of town drinking with a friend. The girl was a friend of his friend (that is probably how she got his last name). It looks like there was something mailed out last July 2006 to his old address. We moved in together in December 2005. He only did a 6 months mail forward on his address. So we never received anything.

It sounds like she applied for assistance and they asked for the fathers name. I think these children must have been born around June 2005. I can't believe someone would wait over a year before the go after the potential father. I'm thinking maybe her situation changed and she needed the money.

His wages started to be garnished Jan 2007. He was on a return to work program so we didn't realize why his cheque wasn't what it should be. He didn't talk to anyone from family maintenance until mid Jan.

ScottGem · Mar 26, 2007, 05:23 AM

Its very likely that she tried to make it on her own but couldn't and asked for public assistance. Once she did that, there was no way they weren't going after the father.

NowWhat · Mar 26, 2007, 07:28 AM

In the state/county I live in - Child support is based on income. How would they know what to asses to him?

stupidme · Apr 1, 2007, 11:29 PM

So paper work came in from Family maintence. The court order was last July 2006. It states in his absence the decision was made. There was nothing before that date. Afterwards there was the Family maintence -debt enforcement forms - all send to the wrong address and returned to sender. What a mess!! Waiting to see the lawyer and the 'big test'. Does anyone know who should be footing the bill for the DNA test??

stupidme · Apr 1, 2007, 11:30 PM

Originally Posted by NowWhat

In the state/county I live in - Child support is based on income. How would they know what to asses to him?

I am not sure as they have the income wrong. So I don't know if they estimated it or what.

Truthfully · Apr 13, 2007, 01:33 PM

The DNA test will most likely be footed by the person requesting paternity,which is your husband. Sometimes, the court will split it in half and both have to pay. In the beginning when the girl applied for public assistance and they sent the paperwork to the right address, the agency would have footed the bill. Nowadays, when child support is ordered, it most times, automatically taken out of the wages. Sometimes you don't have a choice, unless there is an agreement between custodial and non custodial parents (her & your husband). Because if your husband were to get another job and quit his current one, the child support would follow from job to job. Some people try to quit their jobs thinking that they are getting out of child support, not saying that your husband is, but that is why it is done, and if child support is defaulted on, they will take the income tax, report to credit report, and revoke the drivers license. The paternity test doesn't cost that much anyway, so that, of course, is the most important thing, and can potentially cost you and your husband a lot less money if it comes out that he is not the father. So, no matter which way, the cost of the paternity test is worth more than it's weight in gold. And if he is the father, then he should pay, and the value will be worth it to the woman and her twins.

stupidme · Apr 18, 2007, 11:32 PM

So, why is it the woman has all the power in these cases. If a woman gets pregnant 'accidently' she can decide what to do. The father has no choice. He is forced into whatever the decision of the female is. Yes I know it takes two but seriously... how does anyone get accidentally pregnant now a days. If you are in a relationship and get pregnant I can see where both are responsible. But in a 1 night stand... every female knows the chances she takes. I personally would NEVER have made the 'father' of a one night stand be responsible for an accidental pregnancy. But I guess I have more class. Anyway... still waiting results of the DNA test.

ScottGem · Apr 19, 2007, 05:55 AM

Originally Posted by stupidme

But in a 1 night stand... every female knows the chances she takes. I personally would NEVER have made the 'father' of a one night stand be responsible for an accidental pregnancy. But I guess I have more class. Anyway....still waiting results of the DNA test.

I'm sorry, but the above statement shows a LACK of class not more of it. Yes every female knows the chances she takes, but every MALE knows them just as well. Promiscuity makes it even worse. In my opinion recreational sex requires MORE responsibility not less.

No form of birth control is 100% so accidents DO occur. You don't mention whether you took precautions on this "one nioght stand" or whether you relied on the girl's word. If you didn't you have no right to complain In my opinion.

millec · Apr 19, 2007, 06:21 AM

I agree with ScottGem... your comment shows a lack of class for you to say that if a female becomes pregnant from a one night she should take full responsibility and not expect anything from the father. You stated that if you became pregnant from a one night you would have too much class to hold the father responsible, you would have sounded better saying that you have too much class to have a one night stand but clearly this has nothing to do with class because if it did that means that your husband has no class for cheating on you and you have no class for staying with him. This woman has supported 2 children without any help for as long as she possibly can... that's class, downing her for having her children shows a huge lack of class.

stupidme · Apr 20, 2007, 04:31 AM

Mmmmm... I guess if you are in the situation you would look at it from a different light. I have 3 planned children from my previous marriage. And my husband has a child from his previous marriage. He pays child support and all travel costs to see her as well as 1/2 all special activities. He's a good father. To all of a sudden have some sleezy girl effect our families income it's a little hard to swallow. Do remember that she never told him she was pregnant or anything. He finds out when his wages are ganished.

I just don't see how it's fair for the guy. He has NO rights when it comes to child support. Think about it... I know women who don't take their pill without telling the guy or pinholes in the condom that she supplies just so she can get pregnant. Woman can be very sneaky and dishonest. What rights does the guy have... NONE. Except to say No. Well we all know how well that ends up.

Everyone can have an opinion and that doesn't make it right or wrong. Opinions sometimes change when you are right smack in the middle of a situation that changes your life.