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me05 · Apr 30, 2013, 06:58 AM

I am so jealous of everything! I even hate my boyfriend going to work because I am scared he will meet someone there or he will say something behind my back that will really hurt, and I'll find out, I hate him being with his mates because I have moved states and I have no friends here.. and he has everyone I left my whole family, I really need help, I want to overcome this and I know it is wrong and that is why I am on here and asking for some advice and help...
I am sick of feeling Jealous and sick to the stomach over such ridiculous stuff.. and I know he deserves better than a jealous obsessive.. so yeah. I don't know, any help would be appreciated, no hate please..

Oliver2011 · Apr 30, 2013, 07:17 AM

So you want to lose this boyfriend, yeah? Think realistically about your situation. I don't know why you moved but long distance relationships on a whole don't work out that well in the long run. But besides that, you need to look at your behaviors.

With every behavior there is a reaction. If you continue to put drama on any relationship, the other person in the relationship starts to weigh being in a relationship with you against the negative drama. He will decide which one means more to him: 1) Being your girlfriend or 2) Having a drama-free life. If the drama is too much for him, then he will choose #2.

How old are you? If you are not ready to trust the person you are in a relationship with, then you are probably not ready to be in a relationship. Moreover, relationships that are not full of drama are so much more pleasant. I hope you get to experience that one day.

slapshot_oi · Apr 30, 2013, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by me05

...i have moved states and i have no friends here.. and he has everyone i left my whole family, i really need help...

It sounds to me the root of the problem is a fear of the unknown. You feel you're at a disadvantage because your boyfriend knows this area well and you don't. The clear solution is to make this new territory yours as well.

In short, get to know his friends with the goal of making them your friends as well. Explore the area, make your own friends in the area. You'll start to see that things aren't be so bad.

dontknownuthin · Apr 30, 2013, 01:56 PM

You need counseling to get to the root of your insecurities. You need to realize this has nothing to do with your boyfriend or his friends or his work. It's entirely about you. It has nothing to do with you moving to be with him either.

This is a measure of your own self-worth. You think more highly of your boyfriend than you do of yourself, so you don't think he should have chosen you and are afraid he will figure it out and leave you.

But he did choose you and wants to be with you. He of course needs a life, as do you, apart from one another. You both need work and friends of your own, hobbies and interests of your own. But you also need to have enough confidence in yourself to know two things - first, you are plenty good enough for him and since he has the best, he doesn't need to keep shopping. Second, if he were to leave you, you would be hurt but would manage just fine. To know this, you need to think enough of yourself to know that you could find another guy if he didn't work out for you. In other words, you need to just know that you both choose to have each other because you want to be together.

There are no guarantees in life - relationships don't always work out. Your confidence will come from paying attention to the truth of your relationship, not your imagination of what he could or might do. You can never control another person and your lack of respect and trust for him in thinking he'll cheat at every opportunity is really rude and disrespectful to him. If my son were dating someone who behaves like you, I would advise him to break up with her because this boy has no chance to make you confident in the relationship.

You can do it for yourself with considerable intensive counseling. If you blow it off, expect this boy to leave you - not for any of your imagined reasons but because you don't trust him, lack self-esteem and are probably controlling - three deal breaker attributes. It sounds to me like he doesn't want to leave you, but you're pushing him out the door.

joypulv · Apr 30, 2013, 02:10 PM

1. Get a job. I hope you aren't sitting in front of the TV waiting for him all day.
OR
2. Get counseling as suggested above. But that's one tiny hour out of a whole week, not enough for someone in your situation.
OR
3. Go home! You are in an unhealthy state of mind. Jealousy is poison. When you actually fear him going to work, you are in bad shape, and the relationship will be over, and you will be on your way home with your tail between your legs.