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Adrian3102 · Apr 29, 2013, 07:12 PM

I babysit on weekends for some extra money. I love looking after kids. I recently started looking after to little twin boys they are so cute. But that's not the problem, I feel so wrong just writing this but after a few months of sitting for this family I made a huge mistake by sleeping with the dad one night when he took me home. I don't know how it happened but it did. I felt so ashamed afterwards even worse when he paid me extra.I don't want him to pay me extra I didn't sleep with him for money I'm not a prostitute. How do I tell him that what we did was wrong and it can't happen again? I'm worried that he'll just expect it to happen all the time

Alty · Apr 29, 2013, 07:17 PM

Don't talk to him about it, tell his wife. Problem solved. She'll deal with him. You will be out of a babysitting job though, which is only fair since you broke up a family.

Next time keep your pants on. Married people are off limits.

How old are you?

Adrian3102 · Apr 29, 2013, 07:24 PM

I don't think it's a good idea to tell his wife she would probably go mental at me which I wouldn't blame her. I turn 16 in two months I feel so a shamed I couldn't face his wife

Cat1864 · Apr 29, 2013, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

I don't think it's a good idea to tell his wife she would probaly go mental at me which I wouldn't blame her. I turn 16 in two months I feel so a shamed I couldn't face his wife

You need to tell your parents and to stop babysitting for this couple.

His wife may get upset at you but she needs to know (if she doesn't already) that her husband is not only cheating but using a minor.

This may seem indelicate, but you need to think about the consequences of having spur of the moment sex. Was birth control used?

May I ask which state/country you live in? His behavior may be criminal depending on where you live.

busymomma2013 · Apr 29, 2013, 07:50 PM

I wouldn't tell his wife, but I would tell your mother and father so they can talk with the wife. And if you don't mind me asking, was this something that you wanted to happen or was he forceful? You will be 16, so therefore you are still a child although I do believe that you should know right from wrong by now. He however is an adult and should be punished for sleeping with a child or not stopping it before it happened if you came on to him.

Adrian3102 · Apr 29, 2013, 08:01 PM

I live in Australia I don't think it's illegal. I didn't come on to him he said he wanted to talk so we went to the park, I don't know how I happened we were talking and then he just started kissing me. I just didn't know what to do. It's not like he forced me, I'm not to experienced with this situation.

busymomma2013 · Apr 30, 2013, 08:45 AM

Well, I'm not expierenced with this situation either. But I would most definitely stop sitting for them and at least tell your parents. It sounds as though he came onto you. Which I know in the us is illegal, but I'm uncertain of laws in Australia. However, regardless of less, he is a grown man and no grown man should come onto a child like that! Maybe you should tell his wife so that will takecare of him and hopefully keep this happening from her next sitter...

Cat1864 · Apr 30, 2013, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

I live in Australia I don't think it's illegal. I didn't come on to him he said he wanted to talk so we went to the park, I don't know how I happened we were talking and then he just started kissing me. I just didnt know what to do. It's not like he forced me, I'm not to experienced with this situation.

It is illegal. I looked up the age of consent laws for Australia. The ages vary by state/territory but the youngest age a person can legally give consent in any of them is 16. Age of consent laws - Child Family Community Australia

The only defense he might have is if he believed you were older than you are. But he is still the supposedly responsible adult.

I am not saying you have to go to the police. But you are not responsible for what a grown man did. No matter what anyone tells you, the shame lies with him, not you.

At the very least, you need to inform your parents or another adult who you trust. This is not something you should go through alone.

busymomma2013 · Apr 30, 2013, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

It is illegal. I looked up the age of consent laws for Australia. The ages vary by state/territory but the youngest age a person can legally give consent in any of them is 16. Age of consent laws - Child Family Community Australia

The only defense he might have is if he believed you were older than you are. But he is still the supposedly responsible adult.

I am not saying you have to go to the police. But you are not responsible for what a grown man did. No matter what anyone tells you, the shame lies with him, not you.

At the very least, you need to inform your parents or another adult who you trust. This is not something you should go through alone.

Very well said! I totally agree with you!

dontknownuthin · Apr 30, 2013, 09:55 AM

First, you can be pretty sure that this man cheats on his wife regularly. He pretty easily got you to sleep with him so he's pretty good on the manipulation and the making it feel to you like it "just happened". It's new to you and you are inexperienced so didn't know how to handle it, but he knew exactly what he was doing.

I agree you should stop babysitting for them and tell your parents what happened. You should seriously consider counseling as well because this man manipulated you into having sex at the very least, and it may have been rape. We only know you had no intention of having sex with this man - you worked for him. We weren't there to know the degree of coercion or force that was used but you can work through that with a counselor.

You can find other work so don't worry about that. There are tons of places to work where you will not be treated like a prostitute or subjected to sexual harassment and coercion.

ScottGem · Apr 30, 2013, 01:38 PM

I hate to tell you this honey, but you were raped! The minimum age of consent in Australia is 16, therefore, it was illegal for him to have sex with you. And the fact that he, an adult with children, had sex with you is indicative that this was not the first or last time.

That's why you should go to the police and report this. I know you feel you are breaking up his marriage, but if he had sex with a minor, its going to break up eventually anyway. You need to stop him before he abuses some other babysitter or underage girl.

Adrian3102 · Apr 30, 2013, 03:20 PM

I wouldn't call it rape, I didn't say no to him. I know I should have but I didn't so it's not rape. I made a stupid choice it won't happen again. I'm going to tell him it won't happen again

Alty · Apr 30, 2013, 03:23 PM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

I wouldn't call it rape, I didn't say no to him. I know I should have but I didn't so it's not rape. I made a stupid choice it won't happen again. I'm gonna tell him it won't happen again

It's rape because of your age. Where you live the legal age of consent to have sex is 16. You're under the age of 16. It's called statutory rape, and it's just as serious as any other rape. It doesn't matter if you consented, because you're legally not allowed to at your age. That's why it's rape.

He will go to jail for this, and be labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life. If his wife divorces him, which would be the smart thing for her to do, he may not even be allowed to see his children because of what he did to you.

He's a sexual predator, and he needs to be locked up.

busymomma2013 · Apr 30, 2013, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

I wouldn't call it rape, I didn't say no to him. I know I should have but I didn't so it's not rape. I made a stupid choice it won't happen again. I'm gonna tell him it won't happen again

Are you still going to babysit for the couple? Is just talking to him what you have decided to do?

Originally Posted by Alty

It's rape because of your age. Where you live the legal age of consent to have sex is 16. You're under the age of 16. It's called statutory rape, and it's just as serious as any other rape. It doesn't matter if you consented, because you're legally not allowed to at your age. That's why it's rape.

He will go to jail for this, and be labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life. If his wife divorces him, which would be the smart thing for her to do, he may not even be allowed to see his children because of what he did to you.

He's a sexual predator, and he needs to be locked up.

I agree with Alty on this one. He does need to punished for what he has done. If he is going to take advantage of you he will take advantage of another child too. He needs to be stopped.

Adrian3102 · Apr 30, 2013, 03:32 PM

I don't want him to lose his family or not be able to see his children that's terrible. It won't happen again I'm so stupid I didn't know any of these laws I didn't think.

busymomma2013 · Apr 30, 2013, 03:34 PM

Don't blame yourself. It is not your fault. He is the adult here.

odinn7 · Apr 30, 2013, 03:35 PM

It didn't matter if you knew the laws or not. In fact, you're not responsible for knowing the laws... he is. The man is a pig and should be in jail.

JudyKayTee · Apr 30, 2013, 03:47 PM

As a minor you could not legally consent to sex - so no matter what, it is not your fault!

I'm the adult victim of rape. It took me a long time to say those words - "It wasn't my fault."

Adrian3102 · Apr 30, 2013, 03:55 PM

I understand What your saying about the laws but I didn't say no I'm stupid
So it is my fault as well it can't be all his fault. I don't know why I did it but I did so I have to be at fault as well. It just seems so harsh for all the blame to be on him. I am nearly 16 I don't feel like I'm a child I just made a stupid choice I feel so stupid

Cat1864 · Apr 30, 2013, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

I don't want him to lose his family or not be able to see his children that's terrible. It won't happen again I'm so stupid I didn't know any of these laws I didn't think.

Adrian, stop blaming yourself. He is an adult and he knows the laws and the vows he took. It is his responsibility to protect his own family and self. He didn't. You are not responsible for his choices.

He has put you at risk of diseases and pregnancy.

Maybe you could have said 'no'. But somehow I doubt it. That he paid you extra says that he wasn't thinking of you as a person he cares about who he would have listened to when they said 'no'. He was thinking of you as a conquest and something to use for his own needs. His actions speak very loudly and plainly that this isn't the first time he has taken advantage of someone.

You need to take care of yourself and you should have support to do so.