[Asaahi]

So I'll try and make this as short as possible:

September-October: I met my girlfriend September of last year through a dating website. We both had clean hearts going into the relationship and we hit it off instantly. After 5 dates (a few weeks into it), it was official. We even went as far as changing our status on Facebook, something I've never done because it's cheesy and she's only done once before when she was in College. Everything was just great between us; we shared the same hobbies, same outlook on life, and wanted the same outcome of the relationship. Moreover we were best friends. But about a month and a half into it, problems arose. Mainly it was jealousy issues on my part. She had pictures from her 4 year college relationship saved on her computer and I insisted she delete them. We argued about it back and forth till she suggested she save them on a USB and stash it away. She insisted that she just wants to be able to look back on them someday, as it's a part of her life. I agreed and we moved on. It's just weird since I'm the type to delete any trace of an ex after the relationship is over. She also deleted the guy from her Facebook, which I didn't even suggest. And admittedly I held some double standards, as I would go hang out with girls alone, and had late night study groups with girls.

November-January: Anyway, the months that followed were sprinkled with fighting. Even though we had seemed to resolve that issue, my jealousy/controlling nature was still there. There was a lot of insecurity on my part too. And I was also going through a lot of emotional/psychological issues from my past. She was always there to listen to me and help me through them, and unfortunately I piled way too much on her. In the mean time, we had also had many fun/loving days where it was absolutely blissful. And we'd spend entire weekends together. Her mom was inviting me to holiday and other events which we'd drive out of town for. I was meeting all her family, and they all really liked me.

February-March: We had grown very close by now, and were even talking about moving in together in a few months, and how she wanted to be engaged before that happened. We talked about our lives together and what we'd name our kids. We'd been telling each other we loved each other since the beginning. And she also mentioned how I'm only the second guy of the many she's dated that she said 'I love you' to. So one night, she wanted to hang out with an old girlfriend of hers and mentioned there'd be a guy she went on one date with at the party. Me being the idiot I was, threw a fit and said she couldn't go. She didn't. But I finally realized how I was being with her. So I decided to start going to therapy and really working on my issues. Finally I was being totally honest and happy with things, not being insecure or jealous and just treating her like a total princess. Then at the end of March, after her getting back from Hawaii, I confronted her about how I made every effort to change and was being so much better about things, yet she was still being snappy with me. She agreed and said she realized she was getting upset about small things, and said maybe it's because she still holds resentment towards me about how I'd been. She said she'd never cried as much in her life as while we were dating. She also complained that she felt it was always about me and how I felt, not how she felt. She said that maybe it's time we took a break and see other people. I didn't want to, but agreed. She said maybe in the future but she doesn't want to date me right now. This was March 29th.

April: The very next day I noticed she reactivated her dating profile. This completely broke my heart. Anyway I texted her constantly for a week saying nothing but nice things and how I've changed, but she never once responded. We met up a week later for coffee, and she said she just hadn't felt close to me for the last month of us dating. She said it's too soon to know and we need time and space apart. So a week and a half go by and I text her to call me. She calls me at night and I just asked how things were going, and if she's well. She said as she was looking through photos, she was also reminded of every fight that happened the days the pictures were taken. I asked why she wouldn't give me a copy of our pictures, but she didn't say anything. I told her I'd always be willing to take her out for dinner and try things again. Anyway I ended the phone call, wishing her well, and telling her that she'll find a great guy who'll treat her well; and it sounded like she was crying as I was saying this. I chatted her online the next morning saying "Hey I'd just like to know why you won't give me the pictures so I can have closure. They're good memories I'd like to have. Anyways, you're choice. Hope you're well! :-)" But she didn't respond. I even told her I'd leave her alone if she sent those to me. This was the last contact I made about a week ago.

Current: So I'm finally going No Contact on her. And told her in our last conversation I'm not going to contact her (since she's the one that asked for space) until/if she ever contacts me.

What I do know, is that she fell head over heals for me, and told me multiple times that she loves me almost too much and feels differently about me than any other guy she's ever dated. She wanted to have long-term commitment with me (get married, have kids, etc.) and I didn't even suggest that ever. I know she's the honest type and has never once lied to me or said anything she didn't really feel.

Thanks for reading!

My main questions are:

1. Why won't she give me a copy of the pictures from while we were dating, even if they were just of me. Is there still some attachment there?

2. Why the sudden change of heart? Do I have a chance still?

3. Why the mixed signals? I know I should move on, and am, but still don't get why she won't give me clear answers. She keeps saying, "I don't know."

4. Will she ever forgive me?

5. Will she come back or at least contact me anytime soon? If she does, should I take her back if she's slept with someone else during this break-up?


Feeling betrayed, but would like honest answers. No matter how harsh.

[joypulv]

'She had pictures from her 4 year college relationship saved on her computer... ' and now you are wondering if keeping pictures of you means she wants to get back together? No, she likes to keep mementos. I do too. The proverbial ribbon around the love letters and handmade cards, from 30 years ago, in my case. I keep memories of friends and family and all sorts of things, in a special box, and maybe once a year or so I look at them.

I hope the work you have done on your jealousy (and double standard) will be good for your next relationship.

[Alty]

'She had pictures from her 4 year college relationship saved on her computer....' and now you are wondering if keeping pictures of you means she wants to get back together? No, she likes to keep mementos. I do too. The proverbial ribbon around the love letters and handmade cards, from 30 years ago, in my case. I keep memories of friends and family and all sorts of things, in a special box, and maybe once a year or so I look at them.

I hope the work you have done on your jealousy (and double standard) will be good for your next relationship.

I agree.

I still have pressed flowers that my very first boyfriend gave me at the age of 14. That was almost 30 years ago. Doesn't mean I want him back. I've kept every love letter I've ever gotten from the guys I dated. It's just a memento.

Keeping pictures doesn't mean she wants you back. It just means she's a girl, and girls keep things.

[slapshot_oi]

1. It seems you want copies out of spite because the first fight you had with her was over a picture of an ex.
2. It wasn't a sudden change. Two months into the relationship you picked a fight and repeated the pattern several times throughout the relationship. In short, you never trusted her, the relationship was doomed from early on.
3. What mixed signals?
4. There's nothing to forgive, so no.
5. Definitely not.

You text-bombed her saying you changed your jealous ways, and then you told her this:

I even told her I'd leave her alone if she sent those [pictures] to me.

Essentially, you told her, "hand over the pictures or I'll harass you". Wake up. You haven't changed at all and she knows this. She's gone for good and is not coming back.