[Pboy87]

Thank you. You haven't been on much help.. Thought this site provides help, but you are just on the bashing spree, rather than anything constructive for me. Thanks again. Cz even if you think I'm not matured for a relationship, rather than helping me get matured you speak as if you have been hurt by someone who behaved like me. No offense meant. Just saying you aren't too helpful.

You should buy that house, move in, and live nowhere else the rest of your days. That way you can obsess on this issue for your remaining days. Granted you will be alone and think of nothing else, but at least that will save the women that come in contact with you.

Sorry, but again your actions and words leaves me not respecting you at all and feeling very sorry for the women who come in contact with you.

Yes I completely understand this now and have started that.
This post was to understand whether I had any base to what I felt or was it really crap and I guess I've been told off by enough people to understand that others don't get affected by being taken to the place where their partner used to have sex with someone else or has pictures with. So I'm just sucking it up now.

Some feelings you get are best dealt with where they started, in your own mind and not visited or expressed to someone who may not get what you are going thru. As you see none of us see this as a really big deal and no reason to be so carried away.

Its your responsibility to deal with your own feelings in positive ways or you are just not ready for the responsibility that having a relationship requires. Think before you act or speak, and keep your own fears and insecurities under control so you can let goof the small stuff, and NOT making it bigger than it should be. You are dwelling to much over things you can't control.

[Alty]

Thank you. You havent been on much help.. Thought this site provides help, but you are just on the bashing spree, rather than anything constructive for me. thanks again. cz even if you think im not matured for a relationship, rather than helping me get matured you speak as if you have been hurt by someone who behaved like me. No offense meant. Just saying you arent too helpful.

We can't provide the kind of help you need. Everyone that's posted on this thread has pointed out that you are in the wrong here. Instead of accepting that, trying understand that, all you keep saying is "but she took me to the house where she had sex, she showed me the bedroom where she had sex". You can't let it go and realize that you're overreacting to something that happened long before she even knew you.

You need counseling. The fact that you're obsessing about this to this degree is a serious warning sign.

[JoeCanada76]

That is exactly what I was thinking Alty.

Counseling is needed. There are major issues here, that he is unwilling to look at.

The only person that can help, is yourself. None of us can do it for you. We told you that your behavior was wrong.

Instead of seeing that you deny it and continue on without learning a single thing. You are going to learn the hard way, I guess.

[Pboy87]

I have understood that I am wrong for making her feel bad about it.. I even apologized to her.
But I still need help figuring out where I went wrong. I can understand I'm wrong but when I say I need help I am asking for some insight on what part of my thinking process was screwed up? I mean, no one here thinks it's a big deal that your current girl takes you to her ex's place to party. So what issue am I facing here? Jealousy(of what she is with me)? Jealousy of the past(I think maybe this) ? Insecurity (about what -she is with me)? So this is what I mean by help. If you can help me understand what emotion pushed me to get upset by her action and how to deal with the root cause rather than just accept this is wrong. Cz then if the root cause isn't killed this could arise with some other issue.. that's what I'm asking help for.. thanks..

That is exactly what I was thinking Alty.

Counseling is needed. There are major issues here, that he is unwilling to look at.

The only person that can help, is yourself. None of us can do it for you. We told you that your behavior was wrong.

Instead of seeing that you deny it and continue on without learning a single thing. You are going to learn the hard way, I guess.

[smoothy]

I have understood that i am wrong for making her feel bad about it.. I even apologized to her.
But i still need help figuring out where i went wrong. I can understand im wrong but when i say i need help i am asking for some insight on what part of my thinking process was screwed up? I mean, no one here thinks its a big deal that your current girl takes you to her ex's place to party. So what issue am i facing here? Jealousy(of what she is with me)? jealousy of the past(i think maybe this) ? insecurity (about what -she is with me)? so this is what i mean by help. If you can help me understand what emotion pushed me to get upset by her action and how to deal with the root cause rather than just accept this is wrong. cz then if the root cause isnt killed this could arise with some other issue.. thats what im asking help for.. thanks..

How old are you... I asked this earlier but never saw it answered.

This actually is important in order for us to give you advice. Because if you are 19 its going to be different than if you was say 39 or 49 because of differing stages of maturity. Both emotional and intellectual.

[Oliver2011]

Thank you. You havent been on much help.. Thought this site provides help, but you are just on the bashing spree, rather than anything constructive for me. thanks again. cz even if you think im not matured for a relationship, rather than helping me get matured you speak as if you have been hurt by someone who behaved like me. No offense meant. Just saying you arent too helpful.

The fact that you are punishing someone for something they did before they knew you is very scary. I know you will say that you weren't punishing her, but the fact she felt obligated to "apologize so many times" (in your words) speaks volumes. I have read some of your other posts dealing with your other issues. You need professional help. There are very few people on here who I have felt sorry for, but I honestly feel sorry for this girl. That is not bashing. But I would feel sorry if you had a dog or a cat at this point. Okay, that might be bashing. You don't listen. One has to wonder if luckily this girl was free of you, what would happen if you met a new girl. Would you find something out about her past so that you could just punish her? You don't know how to have a real relationship.

[talaniman]

You can't control your own feelings in positive appropriate mature manner. You let small things become big things and your reaction poisons the relationship. You have been told that many times in many of your questions and still are searching for answers.

I reread some of your other questions and its always about her past, or her exes, or her partying. You are looking for the perfect little girl that caters to all your needs and probably with a past that doesn't threaten you, a virgin you can mold, and who stays close and has no life and few friends except the one you provide.

That's your pattern, you latch onto a female really fast, and try to change her instead of accepting her the way she is. You are not a healthy partner for any one, yet still keep trying. You have much growing to do to be cool, calm, and in control of yourself.

Then you wouldn't freak out and have your hissy fits when small things upset you, and make yourself and your partner miserable. When you accept that no one is perfect and cannot be made perfect your life will be much better and you will handle the not so good in all of us even yourself, better.

Reread your own posts, and the responses to them, if you want insights into yourself, and your behavior. Then make some changes to yourself. That's the problem, you don't want to change and aren't trying to.

[Pboy87]

I just turned 25. I never had any relationships till I was 21. I was too focused on My profession and building it and then now that that was established I startd meeting people , letting loose, and then met a girl who I dated for 6 months. Then I met another girl who I was serious about for 2 years and the previous posts were regarding her. I sorted out all issues and then she wanted to get married and that didn't work out because well we were both 24 and she thought it time was ticking as her parents needed to get her married. So that ended then.
And then I met this girl 5months back on one of my professional tours to Australia.

How old are you.....I asked this earlier but never saw it answered.

This actually is important in order for us to give you advice. Because if you are 19 its going to be different than if you was say 39 or 49 because of differing stages of maturity. Both emotional and intellectual.

Thanks.. really helpful.. really appreciate..
There are things in there that you mentioned just now that are true for me but on reading it from you made me feel like a jerk and I really appreciate you showing it to my face. Thanks.

You can't control your own feelings in positive appropriate mature manner. You let small things become big things and your reaction poisons the relationship. You have been told that many times in many of your questions and still are search for answers.

I reread some of your other questions and its always about her past, or her exes, or her partying. You are looking for the perfect little girl that caters to all your needs and probably with a past that doesn't threaten you, a virgin you can mold, and who stays close and has no life and few friends except the one you provide.

That's your pattern, you latch onto a female really fast, and try to change her instead of accepting her the way she is. You are not a healthy partner for any one, yet still keep trying. You have much growing to do to be cool, calm, and in control of yourself.

Then you wouldn't freak out and have your hissy fits when small things upset you, and make yourself and your partner miserable. When you accept that no one is perfect and cannot be made perfect your life will be much better and you will handle the not so good in all of us even yourself, better.

Reread your own posts, and the responses to them, if you want insights into yourself, and your behavior. Then make some changes to yourself.

[smoothy]

As well as what was pointed out by others... I see a lack of emotional development when it comes to relationships. I asked age because I see a lot of traits in you that are common with 16 year olds when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex... most outgrow this by the early 20's... others take longer... such as you. At least you aren't 39 with this mindset... which would actually be far worse. You are still fairly young... you have that going for you.

You have to learn... and really learn... not just say the words... that what people did before you... met them.. as in who they dated... or who they slept with... is part of their past.. and you can't hold it against them... now keep in mind we aren't talking pedophiles... criminals or meth addicts... we are talking normal average people.

If it takes professional counseling to do that... then look into it... what you are doing now is a bad habit... and bad habits can be broken... sometimes they can be really hard to break.. and sometimes you need help to break them. And to modify your behaviour to something more acceptable.

And take to heart what th eother posters have said... you need to really take seriously what the others have said... work on it.. and if you are finding it hard... then get that counseling help...

[Cat1864]

I have understood that i am wrong for making her feel bad about it.. I even apologized to her.
But i still need help figuring out where i went wrong. I can understand im wrong but when i say i need help i am asking for some insight on what part of my thinking process was screwed up? I mean, no one here thinks its a big deal that your current girl takes you to her ex's place to party. So what issue am i facing here? Jealousy(of what she is with me)? jealousy of the past(i think maybe this) ? insecurity (about what -she is with me)? so this is what i mean by help. If you can help me understand what emotion pushed me to get upset by her action and how to deal with the root cause rather than just accept this is wrong. cz then if the root cause isnt killed this could arise with some other issue.. thats what im asking help for.. thanks..

This comes from having been involved in your previous threads so it may seem harsh, but I am not meaning for it to be.

Pboy, you need perspective. She wasn't your 'girlfriend' when she took you to the party. You knew each other for 'about four or five days'. You hadn't known each other long enough to have formed a committed relationship. The relationship became more serious after that night. And now you are running scared.

If it wasn't the party at the ex's house, it would be something else such as she had sex with someone before you or she had sexual contact that she didn't confess to you. You use jealousy as a shield and wedge to keep women from getting too close. The closer they get the more active your imagination becomes.

Stop and think. It isn't the ex's house, his bedroom, the pictures, etc. It is that she had a relationship and life before she met you. Those things only made it clearer to you so you feed them to your imagination and begin the downward spiral. It is in your mind so it becomes your truth and you cling to the negative thoughts as though they can keep you from crashing. The negative thoughts are what are pulling you down.

Do you ever put as much focus on the positive thoughts and feelings as the negative?

You can change. You can stop allowing yourself to look for the negative in everything that your partner does. Try looking for the positive. She wanted to spend time with you. She introduced you to her friends. She is willing to work with you to make a long distance relationship work. She cares about you.

Why do I not see her actions as a problem? Because I realize that today she may believe her feelings then were stronger than they actually were. However, at the time she probably didn't know if you would be back or not. You were a new friend. She was sharing an aspect of her life.

Another bit of perspective, are you still living in the same place you have had your ex-girlfriends stay/visit? If she visited you in your country, would she be expected to be okay with going places where you took your exes? If you want her to be understanding about your past, then let the negativity go and accept hers.