[1102568]

Yes, I have expresses to her that we need to talk, but she denies that there is a problem and doesn't converse with me about the subject. I cannot make her speak to me about it if she doesn't want to or if there is in fact nothing wrong. She claims she is just tired/stressed. I am just going to trust her words for now, I have stressed that this is bothering me and I feel that it is important for our relationship, and that is all that I can really do without making matters worse.

[Homegirl 50]

What is going to make matters worse is if it continues to be a problem for you and she continues to ignore it. But you will do what you want.
I wish you well.

[JudyKayTee]

I disagree with all relationships losing their spark, totally disagree. You already said she is bored with the relationship.

You've gotten every opinion under the sun. I'd give up on the relationship and move on.

Bottom line - you cannot make her love you!

[1102568]

I never said she was bored, I said maybe she was as I was just guessing. I have an update, I decided to try one more time to get an answer and this time I said that if I didn't get an answer I would consider moving on as I could only see it getting worse. She said that the 3 societies that she organizes in the university were really stressing her as she spends time planning them and she feels like people take her for granted, our other house mate won't clean up after himself and doesn't pay his share of the bills on time and our course assignments bother her too. And she said that she takes her frustration out at me over little things or over nothing at all as she is in a constant bad mood. She said that she loves me a lot and she said it would be best that she cancelled 2 of 3 societies she is running to ease some of the stress. It sounds like we are finally getting to possibly rectify this problem. I'll see how it goes from here. I'll keep you posted

[JudyKayTee]

Well, looks like we all wasted a lot of our time. OP is going to do what OP is going to do.

Stay tuned for the next round of posts.

[1102568]

Yes, much of this post WAS a waste of time as certain members were verbally abusing me about a mistake I made in a completely different, unrelated post. I did however, take time listening to people's opinions and I am grateful for them. Telling me to move on and give up etc was not an acceptable approach in my opinion as I had already stated that I was in love with her and was sure that she felt the same. Giving up is the easy thing to do and I would not have needed to post about it if I was going to do that. The post was to see the alternatives. This probably reads as a very aggressive reply, but I assure you that it's not and I am grateful for your time and I respect that.

[sarabeary]

Just read your story... I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and our sex has declined a lot, we use to have sex a lot ( sometimes 3 times a day) but that was quite early in our relationship. Sometimes things get boring in the bedroom, maybe you should try doing something different. Speaking for myself, I get bored quite easily and find that if It's not as spicy as it has been previous times the sex will slow down. Both my boyfriend and I have sat down and talked about this and I understand what you are going through... I guess the point I'm trying to get across is... talk about it, actually talk about it, tell her its bothering you! I hope I helped and I hope things work out :)

[1102568]

Just read your story... I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and our sex has declined a lot, we use to have sex a lot ( sometimes 3 times a day) but that was quite early in our relationship. Sometimes things get boring in the bedroom, maybe you should try doing something different. Speaking for myself, I get bored quite easily and find that if It's not as spicy as it has been previous times the sex will slow down. Both my boyfriend and I have sat down and talked about this and I understand what you are going through... I guess the point I'm trying to get across is... talk about it, actually talk about it, tell her its bothering you! I hope I helped and I hope things work out :)

Thank you sarabeary for the input. I will keep in mind to try something different to spice it up a little next time she is willing to have sex.

[mmresd]

Lack of sex is normally a symptom, not a problem, find out what the main problems are and work on those areas with her, if you value your relationship and want to keep it.

[1102568]

Lack of sex is normally a symptom, not a problem, find out what the main problems are and work on those areas with her, if you value your relationship and want to keep it.

Very true. I do not see the lack of sex as the problem though, it is in fact the reason for it, like you said.

[JudyKayTee]

You don't see the lack of sex as a problem? Your words, "After a while I got more sexual confidence and tried different angles and positions and improved a lot, she however, tried it on the top a few times and she was bad at it and doesn't try it on top anymore, even though I thought it was very sexy. When she was not in the mood she would love to give me oral. Now however, I get rejected when I initiate sex, she says 'I'm tired' or 'I have a headache'. she doesn't initiate sex either and we can go a whole week until we do and even then I'm sure she doesn't actually want sex, she's just doing it to make me happy. She no longer pleases me in other ways during that week too and I have to jack myself off in my own room in secret. "

I don't think you are being honest with yourself. There's no crime in loving someone but leaving a relationship because an aspect of it cannot or will not be changed and that aspect makes you unhappy.

[1102568]

You don't see the lack of sex as a problem? Your words, "After a while I got more sexual confidence and tried different angles and positions and improved a lot, she however, tried it on the top a few times and she was bad at it and doesn't try it on top anymore, even though I thought it was very sexy. When she was not in the mood she would love to give me oral. Now however, I get rejected when I initiate sex, she says 'I'm tired' or 'I have a headache'. she doesn't initiate sex either and we can go a whole week until we do and even then I'm sure she doesn't actually want sex, she's just doing it to make me happy. She no longer pleases me in other ways during that week too and I have to jack myself off in my own room in secret. "

I don't think you are being honest with yourself. There's no crime in loving someone but leaving a relationship because an aspect of it cannot or will not be changed and that aspect makes you unhappy.

Actually, if you read on a bit more: 'She no longer pleases me in other ways during that week too and I have to jack myself off in my own room in secret. This really makes me upset. I don't demand sex and I could live with the frequency, I just would like to feel wanted and for HER to want sex too.' it's not the lack of sex, it's the reasoning behind the lack of sex. I just want to feel wanted and she has been distant in that respect.

[talaniman]

She has other things on her mind, or otherwise distracted at this time so suck it up, and enjoy other aspects of your life. If you are that needy and insecure you cannot put yourself to productive adult endeavors to get through this down cycle in sex, then you lack the maturity for a healthy long term relationship because trust me in reality there will be many times for various reasons she will not be able to service your needs, either injury, illness, work, pregnancy, or other things that pop up.

This is where you develop your own coping skills and alternatives that work to keep the relationship healthy. This isn't about sex, or what she thinks of it. Its about your lack of coping skills, and your attitude that's quite selfish considering the lack of understanding of her situation which seems to be tied to her school work load.

Instead of understanding and supporting her through it, you get selfish and upset and feel left out, or ignored. And drop the double talk as if you can deal with the frequency of sex, but not the reason (being engrossed at school), you won't help the bond by making yourself the priority and not her very temporary activity.

Unless you think her activities for school should decrease so she can service you and keep your ego stroked. Threatening to walk ain't going to help your sex life either, and your making it a chore like doing dishes.

Can't wait until the babies come and you not only go without, unless you service yourself, but the competition that you will have for any attention from her. But she will be used to dealing with needy kids because you are acting like a big baby, and blaming her for your own lack of healthy maturity. Mostly its your unwillingness to deal with yourself in an honest way.

'She no longer pleases me in other ways during that week too and I have to jack myself off in my own room in secret. This really makes me upset

Still laughing over that one and sorry if I seem harsh but there is no gain taking your frustration out on your body parts. You need a much better strategy that brings a lot more pleasure, and relief. One day you will look back and wished you handled yourself and your issues better so why not start thinking that way NOW.

Good Luck.

[JudyKayTee]

If every one of us locked ourselves in the bedroom and "jacked off" every time we got frustrated by our partner we would have one very large hand and no free time.

A little immature?

[1102568]

She has other things on her mind, or otherwise distracted at this time so suck it up, and enjoy other aspects of your life. If you are that needy and insecure you cannot put yourself to productive adult endeavors to get thru this down cycle in sex, then you lack the maturity for a healthy long term relationship because trust me in reality there will be many times for various reasons she will not be able to service your needs, either injury, illness, work, pregnancy, or other things that pop up.

This is where you develop your own coping skills and alternatives that work to keep the relationship healthy. This isn't about sex, or what she thinks of it. Its about your lack of coping skills, and your attitude that's quite selfish considering the lack of understanding of her situation which seems to be tied to her school work load.

Instead of understanding and supporting her thru it, you get selfish and upset and feel left out, or ignored. And drop the double talk as if you can deal with the frequency of sex, but not the reason (being engrossed at school), you won't help the bond by making yourself the priority and not her very temporary activity.

Unless you think her activities for school should decrease so she can service you and keep your ego stroked. Threatening to walk ain't gonna help your sex life either, and your making it a chore like doing dishes.

Can't wait until the babies come and you not only go without, unless you service yourself, but the competition that you will have for any attention from her. but she will be used to dealing with needy kids because you are acting like a big baby, and blaming her for your own lack of healthy maturity. Mostly its your unwillingness to deal with yourself in an honest way.



Still laughing over that one and sorry if I seem harsh but their is no gain taking your frustration out on your body parts. You need a much better strategy that brings a lot more pleasure, and relief. One day you will look back and wished you handled yourself and your issues better so why not start thinking that way NOW.

Good Luck.

You know what? I think you're right. I just hadn't noticed how selfish and immature I am being, I think it's time I changed my attitude. Thank you very much for making me realize this. I think you may have changed me for the better in all aspects of life. Much appreciated Talaniman!

[talaniman]

Changing your attitude is the only thing you can control, being good to your female during difficult times is a sign of love.

[1102568]

Changing your attitude is the only thing you can control, being good to your female during difficult times is a sign of love.

You are right, and I do love her ever so much, I think I can get her through this difficult time :)

[1102568]

I have heard about this 'game tactic' and was wondering whether it would work. I am tired of wanting to have sex with my partner only to be turned down by 'I'm tired' or 'I have a headache' excuses too often. If I did the same, and disciplined myself to stick to it even if she came on to me for sex that same night even if I were really horny, would I get the upper-hand? I am not submissive in the relationship and I think that I 'lead' the relationship, It doesn't feel right to me that she gains some power over me when it comes to sex, why can I only get it when it feels right for her and it doesn't matter the other way round you know? I feel very Emasculated when I get rejected. Also, would any women like to shed some light on whether this tactic would work on them and guys, has this worked for you?

[Cat1864]

I have heard about this 'game tactic' and was wondering whether it would work. I am tired of wanting to have sex with my partner only to be turned down by 'I'm tired' or 'I have a headache' excuses too often. If I did the same, and disciplined myself to stick to it even if she came on to me for sex that same night even if I were really horny, would I get the upper-hand? I am not submissive in the relationship and I think that I 'lead' the relationship, It doesn't feel right to me that she gains some power over me when it comes to sex, why can I only get it when it feels right for her and it doesn't matter the other way round you know? I feel very Emasculated when I get rejected. Also, would any women like to shed some light on whether this tactic would work on them and guys, has this worked for you?

I guess changing your attitude didn't last very long.

Stop playing games and talk with your girlfriend. Listen to each other and try to work together instead of against each other.

Both of you should try to be understanding. There will be times when one person's needs are more pressing than the other person's. You either give support and wait for things to become more even again or you decide you can't handle the low points and you walk. But you do not play manipulative games to get your way.

[1102568]

I see your point but how is it not manipulative when she does it? I had changed my attitude and I was very understanding until tonight when I realized she enjoys feeling powerful over me and teases me. We went to bed and we cuddled and I got very aroused with her and I kissed her and caressed her lovingly and she said she was tired. I would normally keep trying anyway, but as I changed my attitude and was being understanding I rolled over and said 'yeah you're right' and I said it's late and 'goodnight'. After only a minute of accepting sex wasn't going to happen she climbed on top of me and was caressing my skin and kissing my lower abdomen and stomach and got me aroused again and then she suddenly climbed off and laid down and said 'I'm tired' and progressed to go to sleep. It seems that she enjoys arousing me and rejecting me like she gains power over me. After viewing some blogs about denying sex to partners tonight out of curiosity, I have found that it is a tactic to 'get the upper hand'. That is why I posted this question, does it work if you turn the situation round from being a victim?

This is the link I found tonight out of curiosity, I was wondering if this actually works? I would not use this out of spitefulness, but do you think it could make things worse?

Denying Women Sex Is Psychologically Lethal | Chateau Heartiste