Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    archiec's Avatar
    archiec Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 7, 2013, 05:57 PM
    Are we dating?
    I recently met this girl and we've been out on dates 4 times. I told her that I like her but are we actually dating? I want to ask her to know where we stand but don't know if I should. Another thing bothering me is that I've asked her to meet up but she never gets back to me about this, in fact I could be waiting hours for her to get back to me. If we were dating, shouldn't meeting up be a prominent part of the relationship?
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #2

    Apr 7, 2013, 06:02 PM
    Sounds like she may not be as into this as you are. Time to have a talk and see where she's at here.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Apr 7, 2013, 06:08 PM
    Well, "dating" means "going on dates". So, you've been dating. This is not the as being exclusive or her being your "girlfriend", which implies a level of exclusivity and commitment.

    I think after four dates it's a bit irrational and unreasonable to expect immediate call backs. "Hours" is not a long time. If you called her Monday evening to invite her to dinner for Friday evening, and left a message, I suppose she should get back to you by Wednesday - not by 7 pm the night you call.

    I can tell you that when a person appears over-eager or like they are rushing things, a common response is for the other person to slow things down on their end to make up for it and keep the pace comfortable. So, if you're calling too often, she'll respond less often. She's trying to slow you down.

    Take the hint, and slow yourself down.

    Do not consider this to be a committed relationship. After you are seeing her for perhaps a few months, then I think it's appropriate to ask her to be exclusive if things are going well. That still doesn't mean that you are in charge of her or own all her time, nor that she needs to talk to you daily or respond to texts instantly. Give her reasonable space, don't expect to be included in everything. The best way to do this is have some of your own plans with the guys, etc. Pay attention to the her behaviors and you'll learn from her how much she wants to be together. Talk about it openly, too, but wait until it's been a while - not date five.

    I also strongly discourage you from making too many physical moves. Treat her like a lady, don't try for sex before you are in a serious relationship with her. Take that whole thing slowly, too. I mean - go for the kiss, but seriously - don't be Mr. Hands. Women who feel pushed will back away.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #4

    Apr 7, 2013, 06:13 PM
    Just because she has been on 4 dates with you that does not mean she considers you her boyfriend. The fact that she is not getting back with you implies that. You don't have a relationship, she just goes out with you occasionally.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #5

    Apr 7, 2013, 06:57 PM
    4 dates is way too soon to expect such a monopoly on her time. Just relax and enjoy your dates and not make this a big deal as obviously your expectations are much higher than hers.

    Keep the social life that you enjoy, especially other options and opportunities for love and romance, and/or just dating.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #6

    Apr 7, 2013, 09:53 PM
    I will agree, first what do you mean by "meet up" this will help explain things.

    Next so you are dating, yes, you have went on 4 days, most likely planned a few days in advance, many people are like that, many people do not drop or go out at a moments notice.

    And waiting a few hours for a response is just how many people do. I check text message maybe 3 times a day, so people wait.

    Also most people would be dating or open to date many people for a while and it may be months and dozens of dates before it moves past that.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #7

    Apr 7, 2013, 10:02 PM
    Yes, you're dating, that's what going on dates means. Is she your girlfriend, are you two exclusive? No. You're just dating, which means you go out when you both agree to, and you're both free to date other people.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
    Uber Member
     
    #8

    Apr 7, 2013, 10:10 PM
    Even if you were boyfriend and girlfriend. Does not mean that this person would have to answer to your every beckon call. People now a days. They have their own lives to lead. There own things to do, does not mean that you need to be around that person all the time, or to expect somebody to get back to you right away, is too demanding really.

    I agree this is only dating and thinking you need to not put any expectations or demands this early. Its called the scare factor.
    Cyoung0210's Avatar
    Cyoung0210 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #9

    Apr 8, 2013, 04:45 PM
    Thank you for this response. I've been seeing a guy for a few months and have been taking things slow. We both understand that we have commitment issues and have recently decided to be exclusive. We haven't had sex yet but continue to go on dates and spend a lot of time together. Yet, have our own lives and there is plenty of "me time". Thank you for confirming that this is a healthy pace for my relationship to be going so far. I've been wondering what's too slow or too fast!

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

Want to try online dating, but What to do if None of dating sites have enough locals? [ 4 Answers ]

I never had a GF. I want to try online dating but the sites I've seen only have like 5 women from my city and not my type. That's dumb. Why would I sign up to sites that have no one from my city.

Dating stuff help! Well young people dating [ 9 Answers ]

This guy has like me all year... he even liked me when I had a boyfriend but he asked me out a couple times and I finally said yes. But now I kind of like his friend. But I've only been going out with this guy for 2 days so is it no problem breaking up with him for his friend? Or has he been...

Teen Dating girl dating younger boy? [ 8 Answers ]

I'm a 15 year old girl turning 16 in September and I'm in year 10. This boy who I think is reallly cute asked me out the only problem is I found out that he is turning 14 and in year 7! Would it be wrong if I Went out with him considering there is a 2 yr age difference?? :confused:

Dating lots of people or dating only one? [ 17 Answers ]

Do you think you should multiple people at the same time or only one?


View more questions Search