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    Ronald1234's Avatar
    Ronald1234 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 3, 2013, 03:00 AM
    My best friend stop talking to me?
    Hi last year my best friend and I always share all words . We often go for lunch and dinner almost everyday! I admit I like her but I know that between us only just friendship but great good friend . After she fly over to studies for the first two weeks we almost every day text and talking to each other. And I also make the effort to text her anything.

    But today she tell me that she feel stressful to receive my text and don't want to call and talk to me because I text her everyday till she stressful. I'm lost and sad because why she treated me this way after fly to studies. And she can call and talk to other friend but not me. She also said that she is no more close to me anymore. Why she shut the door to me so fast ? And we used to so close before. She used to hold my hand and now for me is memories only. I need advice.
    smkanand's Avatar
    smkanand Posts: 602, Reputation: 56
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    #2

    Apr 3, 2013, 04:30 AM
    It's upsetting when your buddy stop talking. Did you tell her that you like her more than a friend? She might not be feeling good. I think you should call her and talk over this. Make everything clear. I think there is some confusion and misunderstanding. But its up to her, to be continued as friend.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #3

    Apr 3, 2013, 04:30 AM
    When you spend so much time together the relationship isn't fresh anymore. You have smothered each other and now she wants her space and a break from you. It is okay to have a best friend. It isn't healthy to spend so much time with one person. You become dependent on them for your happiness and emotional well being. You are experience so much sadness because there is probably nobody else for you. This works the same with married couples. Each person in a relationship needs other people to have fun with and you have to allow her that and yourself that. My partner and I are very much in love. But we are both allowed to do other things with other people. That makes our time together awesome. So learn from this. Don't be so dependent on one person in your life.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #4

    Apr 3, 2013, 05:21 AM
    She wants to move on, without you.. Accept it, and move on yourself. Smile, and you will be able to make friends much faster. Good luck.
    Ronald1234's Avatar
    Ronald1234 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 3, 2013, 05:32 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Oliver2011 View Post
    When you spend so much time together the relationship isn't fresh anymore. You have smothered each other and now she wants her space and a break from you. It is okay to have a best friend. It isn't healthy to spend so much time with one person. You become dependent on them for your happiness and emotional well being. You are experience so much sadness because there is probably nobody else for you. This works the same with married couples. Each person in a relationship needs other people to have fun with and you have to allow her that and yourself that. My partner and I are very much in love. But we are both allowed to do other things with other people. That makes our time together awesome. So learn from this. Don't be so dependent on one person in your life.
    I really treasure her as my close and best friend and I know that she need space for her studies . I really hope these 4 years she can concentrate study well and a better person in future when she back . I really don't want to lose such a close friend and I always never think of having further relationship with her . ( I mean girlfriend ) Do you think she will call me or text me after this thing happen ? I want to save this good friend relationship .
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #6

    Apr 3, 2013, 05:40 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Ronald1234 View Post
    I really treasure her as my close and best friend and I know that she need space for her studies . I really hope these 4 years she can concentrate study well and a better person in future when she back . I really don't want to lose such a close friend and I always never think of having further relationship with her . ( I mean gf ) Do you think she will call me or text me after this thing happen ? I want to save this good friend relationship .
    Remember this is just my opinion and others may have another opinion. But you need to give her space right now. Hopefully she will miss the friendship and miss you. The only way that will happen is with time and space. If she does come back to you, don't smother her again. See her maybe once or twice a week at most.

    Also you need to work on you too. You need to find additional people to hang out with, have fun with, and more people to get to know. Being needy for just one person is not healthy. Meet other people, develop other interests, so that this doesn't happen again. She may decide she wants to move on forever. You need to start (today) planning that way and having other people to lean on.
    Ronald1234's Avatar
    Ronald1234 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 3, 2013, 05:40 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by smkanand View Post
    it's upsetting when your buddy stop talking. did you tell her that you like her more than a friend? she might not be feeling good. I think you should call her and talk over this. make everything clear. I think there is some confusion and misunderstanding. but its up to her, to be continued as friend.
    I did tell her I like her as really close best friend . And no other relationship will be involved . She also know about it . We had a conversation through text too . I don't want to lose her as my close and best friend as I treasure her a lot ! Before she fly she known my intention already . Is only after she fly over after 2 week later . Everything change becos I text her everyday and she said okay to text her everyday but now she straight told me she stressful . If she tell me early not to text everyday I will not text anymore .maybe once a while then text her how she ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Oliver2011 View Post
    Remember this is just my opinion and others may have another opinion. But you need to give her space right now. Hopefully she will miss the friendship and miss you. The only way that will happen is with time and space. If she does come back to you, don't smother her again. See her maybe once or twice a week at most.

    Also you need to work on you too. You need to find additional people to hang out with, have fun with, and more people to get to know. Being needy for just one person is not healthy. Meet other people, develop other interests, so that this doesn't happen again. She may decide she wants to move on forever. You need to start (today) planning that way and having other people to lean on.
    Thanks friend ! I will work on your advise and do something that I like and also look out my other friend as well . And I will give her the space she need . Thanks for everything !
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #8

    Apr 3, 2013, 05:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Ronald1234 View Post
    Thanks friend ! I will work on your advise and do something that I like and also look out my other friend as well . And I will give her the space she need . Thanks for everything !
    You are very welcome.

    Good luck!
    Ronald1234's Avatar
    Ronald1234 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Apr 4, 2013, 02:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Oliver2011 View Post
    You are very welcome.

    Good luck!!
    Hi , after 3 days , I'm still very sad about it and my best friend still don't call me or text me ! I can't stop thinking about it . I really can't lose her just like that . What if she don't text me or I won't text her and our relationship become Cold War ? I afraid she think that why I don't concern her anymore . Yes she did mentioned that I text her every day till she find irritating . And she know that I care for her , just that I using the Wrong text message that she feel I shouldn't text . I don't want to lose her . This 4 years are so important that we may lost contact Becos she in oversea study's . I only can communicate with through message now . She don't call me for 3 weeks already and face time too . Sudden strike to me again.
    Ronald1234's Avatar
    Ronald1234 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Apr 5, 2013, 01:55 AM
    I miss my best friend as the last message was 3 days ago . And till now she didn't talk to me. . I post last week and got advise from here . But I really missy best friend a lot . So you think best friend will just walk away ? I really treasure her and the relationship friendship with her

    Please I really lost and still hope she text me .
    nicky nose best's Avatar
    nicky nose best Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Apr 5, 2013, 03:09 AM
    Hi,

    Don't worry...

    Back track the last conversation, events etc you and your friend shared, this may un-tangle things. There must be a valid explanation as to why she has made no contact with you.

    Maybe you could pay her a visit or speak to a mutual friend to check she is all right to put your mind at ease.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #12

    Apr 5, 2013, 06:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Ronald1234 View Post
    Hi , after 3 days , I m still very sad about it and my best friend still don't call me or text me ! I can't stop thinking about it . I really can't lose her just like that . What if she don't text me or I won't text her and our relationship become Cold War ? I afraid she think that why I don't concern her anymore . Yes she did mentioned that I text her every day till she find irritating . And she know that I care for her , just that I using the Wrong text message that she feel I shouldn't text . I don't want to lose her . This 4 years are so important that we may lost contact Becos she in oversea study's . I only can communicate with through message now . She don't call me for 3 weeks already and face time too . Sudden strike to me again.
    You need to back off and concentrate on your own life. She is living in a new place and making a new life for herself.

    She is your friend and that is where the relationship stands. You are trying to hold on to a fantasy of what you want your relationship to be or become.

    Friends often spend time away from each other and don't communicate as much as they did. It doesn't mean that friends stop caring. However, if you keep trying to force her to communicate because you want more than friendship, it will destroy whatever positive feelings she has for you.

    Get out and make new friends. Work on the relationships you have with other people. Try not to be obsessive over someone who doesn't have the same feelings you do. You know that while you are focused on your friend you could be ignoring other people who want to be friends (or more.)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #13

    Apr 5, 2013, 07:35 AM
    What are you a kid addicted on candy or something? Sometimes in life we get so busy we cannot do what we did before, or the way we did it. That's just life, and if you cannot accept the changes and make proper adjustments then you can never be healthy mentally and emotionally.

    Now is the time for you to get off your pity pot and look around your world and explore and experiment so you can build a life that you enjoy. You have allowed yourself to be stuck and dependent and that's no way to accept change. So stop holding on to the past and look to the future.

    To do that you better stand on your own two feet and deal with what YOU need to do, and stop dwelling on what she is doing. That's not being grateful for the time you had, and makes what should be good memories painful ones.

    Its only been 3 weeks and you are regressing into the pathetic world of selfish immaturity. It will get better though if you stop wallowing. At what point do you start growing up and embrace life?
    Ronald1234's Avatar
    Ronald1234 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Apr 8, 2013, 02:19 PM
    Should I just give up this relationship ?
    My best friend been not message me or call me since a months . Everyone ask me to leave her and carry on my life . What should I do ? But I miss her much . I know I need to carry on my life and get back my daily life. Sometime it make me think of her as she was so close to me before

    ...Threads Merged...
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #15

    Apr 8, 2013, 03:41 PM
    If she hasn't talked with you in months... here's a news flash... she's not your best friend if she does that... sorry to break that to you.
    Ronald1234's Avatar
    Ronald1234 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Apr 14, 2013, 02:06 AM
    My best friend replied me through my message after so many weeks. And the conversation was normal and told me the weather over there and I asked her how the weather here too and over the conversation , I also ask her how the school over there . She replied over with a long message . Is she seem miss me already ? I waited for her reply since a few weeks and I didn't message her after she didn't reply me . After the conversation , I'm the one ended the conversation said I chat you soon and remember to eat becos you got gastric problem ! Do you think I ended the right way ? As I don't want her to think I keep message her since the first place she feel that I message her to many ! I need advise ! I still miss her a lot but only way to listen all the advise and let her have breathing space and time to study .
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #17

    Apr 14, 2013, 06:59 PM
    Read post #13 again... Tal said everything that needs to be said about this... in a very matter-of-fact way.

    And additionally post #12 makes some very good points as well.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #18

    Apr 15, 2013, 03:54 AM
    Ronald my friend - it is time to stop wallowing in this huge desperate hole you created for yourself. You and you alone are making you feel bad. You and you alone is the one who is capable of moving your life forward.

    Something happened that you didn't want - she wanted a break from you. Sad yes, but debilitating - absolutely not. We have all lost friends and lovers and all of us have survived. But you have to be in control when something bad happens. You can't let every setback destroy you like this. That is why it is very important to go do stuff you like to do. Call a friend and go see a movie. Anything so your mind doesn't concentrate on this situation only. Trust me man every day will get better.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #19

    Apr 15, 2013, 06:22 AM
    listen all the advise and let her have breathing space and time to study .

    BINGO!! 1
    Ronald1234's Avatar
    Ronald1234 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Apr 15, 2013, 06:28 AM
    Thanks everyone !

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