[terripie84]

Ive been with my boyfriend james for two years now, and ever since the beginning of our relationship I have found him flirting with girls on his msn and trying to "hook" up with them, to make a long story short, he will lie to me all the time about things he knows I know! I keep finding him with dating profiles looking for intimate incounters and even asking people he knows at work to come be ack to our place on the weekends cause he knows Im not there and Im at work.. Its beginning to be too much, myself esteem has dropped dramaticaly and I don't feel like myself, but he keeps saying he will change, he's OK for a while then I always find something out like he went on a date with some girl and then would come to my place right after, whenever I try to talk to him about it he just sits there and looks at the floor and when I ask him to say something he says I don't know what to say, my question is why does my boyfriend stray away from me and lie to me all the time and go after girls that I'm sorry to say are not half as pretty as me, am I just stupid to be sticking around for this ? Please help I feel like I'm trapped in a horrible relationship with no trust , I just don't know why he would do this to me , he's a chronic liar and can't seem to stay faithfull, he's even going to counseling, but I still can't seem to trust him whenever he leave the house for whatever reason I wonder and I get angry thinking that he's going to some girls house in stead of where he says he's going. I feel that I need to know where he's at at all times or else I get anxiety and I don't feel good at all, please help I feel like Im losing my mind living with him. Thank you guys so much :(

[Squiffy]

He is a cheater and a liar, why are you still with him? Is this what you want to put up with for the rest of your life? Living in an untrusting relationship? Not kowing what he is up o, having to fear the worst because his actions make you feel that way? You are worth so much more than that. Cheating is something people do when they don't care about their partners feeling, it is not something someone truly in love does. He will keep doing it because you let him get away with it time and time again. Boot him out and let him know you are not desperate.

[incognito]

Get out of this unhealthy relationship ASAP!
He strays because he isn't mature enough and ready to commit to a relationship.
GET OUT OF IT.
I know it's easier said than done, but the longer you stay with him, the more damage you will do to yourself. You need time to heal and the sooner the better.

[terripie84]

He told me he isint going to do it anymore beucase he knows next time that is it and I will kick him out, so far so good, I also told him I would throw all his stuff TV. Dvd player xbox. etc.. Outside on the front lawn for neighbors to take their pick, lol but that would be immature and I probably wouldn't do that I just said it to scare him, but that's not right either :( he's been better lately I havint found out anything yet, I'm a huge snoop and I look through everything to try and find something on him, its became routine which is also sad..

[Squiffy]

That is very sad. To be honest it doesn't matter if he doesn't do it again, the fact is he has done it, more than once, and that has destroyed your trust in him. That is clear by the fact you go through his stuff to find out what he is doing. He will do it again, almost certainly, he is saying that to keep you sweet. Don't let him treat you like a doormat. Popole can make mistakes, but he is just a cheater through and through. A mistake doesn't involve actively trying to find new partners online, or going on dates with other women.

[terripie84]

I have tried breaking up with him many times before, I've kicked him out twice now, he goes back to his parents house (were 23) and stays there for two days then we talk on msn and he keeps saying how much he loves me and misses me and wants to see me and he finds excuses any way he can to come over or to see me , and I let him come over, because I have no car and I'm lonely most of my friends are too busy with school, and I'm stuck here in my apartment, its like a cycle

[Squiffy]

Bad relationships are a cycle, but there comes a point when you just have to break it. I have been there. I got married at age 22 and my husband did the same thing, he cheated on me more times than I care to remember, he advertised himself on dating sites, and imtimate meeting sites, and went off with a lot of the women he met on them. I was the fool that kept taking hium back, despte threatening to leave him, boot him out etc, he knew damn well I never would. I got paranoid that he was cheating on me even when he claims he wasn't, I lost all trust in him and eventually I had to call it a day. We had the added complication of a mortgage and two babies together, but I did not want to live my life that way. I am now getting divorced (its our hearing tomorrow-yay!) and have been with my current partner for 2 years and couldn't be happier, I never realised what a good relationship was before I found him. I don't ever worry about him straying or whp he is talking to or anything like that, and that is a liberating feeling. Me and my soon to be ex husband get on OK now, we have grown to be friends, But I will never trust him.

[terripie84]

Well good for you :) I can imagine how liberating it would feel, I've never been on any site like this one before lol my boyfriend and me actually got in a fight, so he stormed out and left me here once again we got in a fight over his counseling appointment he forgot about yesterday, he hoped in the shower today and I asked him where he was going he said to his councerller so I asked him why doesint he call her before she probably busy with someone else and needs to make another appointment with her he refused saying he would just go there , so I figured he was lying to me cause he wanted to get out of the house and do whatever he was going to do behind my back, then we got into everything else, and he says its stupid that I get upset that he goes to his sisters place and plays video games, and I'm upset that that's all he does, he says that's all he's allowed to do and he got really mad and cried and yelled at me and threw our rottweiler puppys kennal and walked out the door saying F YOU on the way out :S

Once again I don't have a car and its not like I can go out right now and find him, so I have no idea where he is and of course I feel like crap right now, I think he uses the fact that I don't have my license or a car against me and knows I can't go check up on his where abouts and finds it easier to do whatever he wants to do .

Sorry I keep going on and on but its like he just can't do what he's suppost to do, I have a password on my comp so he can't use it when I'm not home, yet osmetimes ill come home and I will see a diff screen savor which means he turned my comp off and went on it in safe mode when I told him I didn't want him on it! He used it for porn various times before and I keep giving him chances again to use it and every time he messes up and I find porn on my comp! Like just the other day I didn't tell him he could use it and I went for work, when I got home porn was on my comp I checked the history I got so mad I went in the kitchen and slapped him across the face, yes I know that was wrong but I'm so sick of this I could explode inside :( its scary like he doesint have a conscience or h ejust doesint think of the consiquence to his actions.. very baffling.

[momincali]

he told me he isint going to do it anymore beucase he knows next time that is it and I will kick him out, so far so good, I also told him i would throw all his stuff tv. dvd player xbox. ect.. outside on the front lawn for neighbors to take their pick, lol but that would be immature and I prolly wouldnt do that I just said it to scare him, but thats not right either :( hes been better lately I havint found out anything yet, im a huge snoop and i look thru everything to try and find something on him, its became routine which is also sad..

Really?? No, come on, really? I'm saying that because you are such a cute girl, where is that brain that I know you have, come on, I know you got it, and I can bet it's a good one too!

This guy has no business being anywhere near you, no where near you. He told you he isn't going to do it anymore because the next time you will kick him out?? So, because there is a negative consequence to him, and he has the potential of losing the place where he sleeps (probably for free), he won't do it?? Not because you're a great girlfriend and you love him with all your heart or because you've put up with all his stuff. Not because you're probably the best thing that ever happened to him. Not because he has repeatedly hurt you and disrespected you and he feels bad about it, no, cause then he'll have no place to plug in his xbox?

Guys like that don't change, at least not overnight. Not in a week, or a month, probably not even in 6 months. What he has is a classic case of massive immaturity and character flaw, and you can't fix that. Not with your threats or anything else. He is like a little kid who will push his mom as far as he can without getting spanked. A little time-out here and there is no big deal cause he knows it will only be for a little while and then he can go back to having his cake and eating it too.

Be the grown up here and throw him out on his... ear. Leave him. Tell him he can be with whoever the heck he wants, whenever he wants, you're finding a real man who doesn't need to play these games. He doesn't respect you and never will until you dump him. For good, not just a "gonna scare him" dump, a permanent one.

[terripie84]

Your completley right, its just hard, I think I'm keeping him around for the wrong reasons, for him to pay half the 600 rent and bills and that he has a car and can drive us ( me ) where we need to go, an plus I do love him and I would miss him

[Wildcat21]

You know what to - time to dump him forever.

Nothing more clearer to me.

It's for oyu to find happiness - not hang out with a complete jerk.

I am sure you will miss the lying and cheating. Deal breakers for life.

[tinsign]

Hun when you can't trust someone you are with then yes the relationship is already over.. why not try finding someone who you can trust and believe in?

[portrait in still love]

You don't need to put up with it. You are a very attractive young lady who could find a man that would never feel the need to look elsewhere. He only keeps doing this because he knows that eventually you will crumble and accept him back. Stay strong, you won't have a hard time.

[Wildcat21]

See - he has you - game over.

That's why I would never advise younger people to live together first. Have separate housing - keeps some of the mystery up.

[momincali]

There are some things that are worth giving up for the sake of your dignity. If it means you get a smaller, less expensive place and take the bus for a while, that is nothing in comparison to having a stress free life back. Respect yourself, always, always. You would never tell your daughter (if you had one) to allow that kind of behavior or to stay with someone because he has a car. Your relationship is not in tact anymore, he made sure of that. Don't let him weasel his way into staying by promising you the moon and the stars. He can't deliver, don't be foolish enough to think he can. I know you said it's hard, and I'm sure to a certain extent it is, but it's not impossible.

How difficult is it to walk away from chaos, disrespect and deceit? Choose to walk away from the drama, you don't need it.

[terripie84]

I'm beginning to think guys are not to be trusted.. are there any guys out there that won't cheat on u given the chance? Or lie to you I seem to attract the ones that arnt faithful and its quite depressing. Your all right I need to leave him, I just need to think of how to go about it...

Wildcat what does that mean.. when u said " see- he has you - game over"

[Wildcat21]

Just this particular guy. There are great guys out there. Just go SLOW and get to know him first. Do not rush things. Do not live together until you REALLY know and trust him.

This guy seems like a louse for a long time - it's probably all you know right now.

"he has you - game over"

You guys live together - you have surrender completely to him... no more challenge... no more mystery... he knows he has you.

I have a feeling you are a big time giver - too much giving and people will take advantage of you.

Now get this guy out of your life today and get busy having.g a fun life

[terripie84]

I must admit I do more for him than he does for me ,I tell him he's the one that's made me this way , paranoid, snoopy distrusting and I ask him about answers to how I can get over it or feel better and he just says he doesint know and doesint know what to say then gets mad at me and storms out and I havint talked to him since today

[Nohitter410]

Look I want to be honest with you but it doesn't seem to do anything for you. You are a beautiful girl but you are with this guy for all the wrong reasons. You will never know if there are good guys out there because you are afraid(or have to make excuses to say there is no way to find happiness outside of this guy.

Either you take this advice and do something about it or let this guy use you until he ends up leaving you for someone else. He cheats, he lies, and doesn't offer you anything besides a car and 300 dollars a month. Do you honestly love this guy? You may love certain aspects of him and the convenience of a relationship but I think you will be hard pressed to love a guy that treats you like crap. He doesn't respect you. He can do whatever he wants and even if he was doing or being good in your mind you think he isn't because he did it before.

Guys like him don't change. If he truly loved and cared about you he would respect you enough to not treat you like this. Words are meaningless when he follows it up with these actions. You can do much better and a man doesn't make you happy or make your life. He is only a SMALL SMALL PART. Figure out a way to have fun outside of him. Wait let me correct that figure out a way to have fun WITHOUT him altogether. You don't need a car and 300 dollars for that to happen.

[terripie84]

OK then, how should I go about dumping him